feeling so out of control and isolated

Just have to vent before I break down and ball in front of my kids. I am still in the "wait" mode as far as when my surgery is. Waiting to hear from insurance and I see plastic surgeon on Monday. Cant decide on whether to do just the lumpectomy that my surgeon says would "probably" be ok or the mast that my onc recommends. Can't decide which form of reconstruction yet. Pretty much have read everything to read on each but wow what alot of info. Trying so hard to keep things "normal" here and trying to prepare my house for while i am out of commission. With 4 kids at home its rough. My 18 yr old will talk about it but she's a typical teenager and justs hopes this wont interfere with her life. I don't mean that in a bad way, its just that I was a teen when my mother was sick and I understand what she feels. My 12 yr old wont even talk to me about it. My 10 yr old is just scared and is acting out. My 5 yr old doesn't even know i am sick but i can tell he knows something is different because he's been so cuddly lately. My husband is great but bless his heart, he wont read any info I have and is so sure that this will be fine. I hope for that too but poor thing, he didn't even realize that mastectomy meant taking the entire breast until last night. I was dx on Dec.7. He thought somehow they would save the exterior of mine and my nipple and just put something underneath it. Well, thanks for letting me vent. You ladies are the only ones who know what i am feeling and I could sure use a hug.

Sherry

Hi...sorry things are so upsetting right now. Making these decisions
are tough..always afraid it wont be the right one. You seem well informed so I guess you need to go with your gut feeling.

I Hope that your DH will read some of the info you have...why are
they so stubborn ?

Comforting hugs

Cathi

oh Sherry, we feel your pain and anguish... the beginning of this journey is enough to paralyze you with fear, anxiety and horror. And your poor husband doesn't know what to do for you, yet probably feels guilty for thinking 'how will this affect me'? My husband tried to be SO POSITIVE that he really was in denial... you have to give him time to let it sink in, for both of you. Waiting is so tough, I had 5 weeks between dx and surgery, partly becuase my surgeon's mother died and the surgery was pushed out a week. I was at the end of my rope by the time surgery day came! Yours will come too, and make sure you cry when you need to, but just understand that somewhere inside of you there is a little seed of hope that you need to nourish too... spend some time each day telling yourself that you WILL fight this and win, and watch that seed grow. Today not so much maybe, but tomorrow or the day after.... until then, many hugs and wishes for strength and faith.
hugs
stefanie

Sherry, we do understand....and making the medical decisions is so hard, especially when combined with the paralyzing fear that comes with diagnosis. If onc is recommending a mast and surgeon is recommending a lumpectomy, I would definitely consider a 2nd opinion. I went through the University of Michigan for my 2nd opinion, went through the breast clinic there. I brought my slides, path reports, films, everything...and had to watch a film on surgeries, then met with the multidisciplinary team. I met with the RN, the surgeon, the onc and declined the rad onc (had it at a different facility due to proximity).

I was offered a choice on surgeries for the breast and the lymph nodes, and I got lots of opinions, mostly leaning the same way. I asked the docs if I had been their sister or daughter or wife, would they feel comfortable with the options I chose, and they said yes. Then I spent the Christmas holidays emailing with my surgeon and asking more questions to help me be sure. Most likely, there is no need to rush.

My initial diagnosis and lumpectomy was 11/30. All margins were clear except one that required a re-excision. With the holidays adding to the delay, I had my re-excision and sentinel node biopsy on 1/14....I had several weeks in between. Chemo started 2/8, so it was not a quick process.

As for the kids, do you live near a Gilda's Club or other cancer support community? or can you talk to the social worker at the hospital? They can offer some guidance and tips on what to expect and how to talk to the kids...mostly the kids will be scared for you, and scared how this will all impact them (if Mom is sick, who will take care of me?) They may also be concered if you will lose your hair or how your appearance may change...but I have never heard of a bad outcome here! Kids ARE resilient and they just need time to absorb and 'get' it. And to learn that cancer will be a chronic illness, just a bump in the road...

Hugs to you-
Lori

(((((((((((((((((((sherry))))))))))))))))))))))

 

Oh, I am so there with you!  I had a lot of the same stuff to deal with, little one was hard, he knew something was seriously wrong.  My dh, well, he was almost out on his ear.  Supportive was not the word of the day.  He did not handle the cancer at all, even tried to tell me that he wasn't so sure that it really was cancer, but the doctors just trying to make money by treating me and billing the insurance.  He'd voice his suspicions a couple of times, at a prime time, when I was sick, because he couldn't handle it.  OOOHHHH was I mad.  Real validating.  I remember saying to him "Honey, I'll survive this, but I don't know if we will."  It was really rough.  From what I remember, you have a great DH, who's supportive.  I couldn't even say that much at the time.  Point is, though, it wound up being okay, I trained him, granted, but he wound up doing what I needed him to do.  Sometimes they just are clueless.  At the cancer center in NYC, (Beth Israel) there were pamphlets for husbands.  Like he would have looked at it, but maybe yours will.  I have a video for kids with bc moms to watch.  If you want it, email me. 

 

I remember this site really got me through it.  I was on every night, always posting, really got to know the ladies.  Even went to a gathering while on chemo.  It was wonderful. 

 

Please keep venting.  I pray you make a decision that your heart led you to.  An old friend said three little words to me once when I was all over the place, ten years ago, now, and I never forgot it.

 

follow your heart.