A laugh a day...better than an apple in every way

lol, oh that was funny in a sick kind of way. Thank you for posting I needed a chuckle today.

A blond walks into a beauty parlor wearing headphones and carrying a tape player. She asks for a haircut.
The beautician says "sure but I need you to take off the headphones."
"Oh, I can't do that you just have to work around them."
"I really need you to take them off if your going to get a decent haircut."
So, after a long pause the blond takes off the headphones and the beautician starts to cut her hair. After a few minutes the beautician notices that the blond appears to have died. Shocked, she puts the headphones on and listens for a moment, she hears "breathe in breathe out breathe in ...."


Sj

PAlady
I appriciate your opinion. Its true that everybody does have there own sense of humor and I can defenitly understand why not everyone would find a certain type of joke funny
I honestly did not mean to offend anyone. Its funny that you should bring that up because the person who told me that joke was involved in doing a pole across the world to determine what jokes are the most humerous throughout many different types of cultures, that one was the winner. But of course not everyone is going to find it funny. It was very interesting to see the diference in humor throughout the world and infact I found most american jokes to be much more offensive than ones that are considered funny from where I was raised.
I love to laugh so will try to be more aware of what jokes could be offensive to others, thank you for making me aware of your feelings. I apologize

Freya, I love dark humor, it's saved the day for me many a time. Laughter doeth good like a medicine. I've gotten that joke in my email several times cos my friends know how I enjoy a good joke

I know I'm a bit of a downer here, but I think jokes that might offend any group are best shared privately.

I think the funniest stories are the silly things we do each day, like putting the milk away in the cupboard. Maybe we could share some of those things?

We have a thread in Anxiety/ Panic about the Things we Just Have to Laugh At ( that we do ) or have done in past
It is truly alot of good for me to read and post in there being able to laugh together and not at one another in a bad way ya know......some posts are really LOL ones

I agree humor is a good thing.........

PAlady-
I have no problem sharing my jokes privatly with anyone who may have a similar sense of humor. The joke I was refering to was about a mans need to golf, most men poke fun at it themselves as they know that they have a tendancy to put it above many things. Sure it was an over exageration of that need but thats what makes it funny. I think if you begin making fun of anyones religion or nationality you start to cross an innaprpriate line. But making light of the differences between men and women or of a situation that could never actually happen is all just in good fun. I would never make a joke out of anybody or there race, religion or station in life, something that could actually happen or something that could mean something special to someone.
With that said, I mean no disrespct to you or anyone else. I did respect your opinion, which is why I offered to send it to anyone who was interested. I can understand why a joke which involved someone shoting someone else could be found offensive by someone. Which is why I made a point to apologize for offending you or anyone else. But honestly, I dont see the offense in poking fun at a mans desire to play golf above all else.

Gramps
I'm glad you got the laugh you needed!! Sometimes you just have to laugh it off.

So I was sitting here watch one of my favorite TV shows(which I will not divulge for fear of being made fun of...) Anyhow I was reminded of something that happened to me when I was a teenager and have gotten many a laugh out of it for many years, infact everyone has including my whole church!
It involves a pair of unmentionables so fair warning...
One morning before church I was hurring around the house trying to get dressed. I couldnt find anything to wear and quickly pulled out some clothes from the laundry that had been drying on the line and threw them on.
Everything went went as normal as any other Sunday, As I walked into the church and greeted all of my friends. When it was time to start services we all followed eachother in and took out seats. The church service went fine until it was time to take communion. Row by row was taken up and unfortunitly for me I was sitting in the back having to walk past everyone on my way up. I heard giggles and whispers but thouht nothing of it. I knelt down and got ready. I was the last to recieve and as the pastor walked away he picked something off my back to hand to me, he lifted them up high enough to hand it to me on my way back to the pew. To my complete humiliation a pair of my unmentionables had been clinging to the back of my shirt!!!
Evryone got a perfect view of what they were including my pastor. So helpful trying to cause me less embarassment by taking it off ended up being the center of that embarassment! He told me afterward he thought it was a sock. He never cracked under the pressure, but did have a hard time keeping in the laughter!
For years no one could let that go and it was brought up at many a social nights!
How humiliating! I cant help but remember that day every time I greet him after church, I wonder if thats what he thinks evey time too!

Hi everyone...so, i have a baby that is getting ready to turn one! When she came home from nicu (preemie), i was already sleep deprived, from healing from my csection and spending ten hr days at the hospital w/ her and then comming home to my son...so, one day, i put the baby on her mat in tummytime...i had been walking around like a zombie that day...then, i came out and saw the baby was missing!!!! i went running in to my husband yelling to see if he had the baby, and he calmly said, "she's in your arms!" LOL, i don't even remember picking her up! sorta like hte sunglasses u can't find that are on your head!

gramps, im so sorryt hat u fell again!!!!!

Sorry that u fell again Gramps...maybe you should do what I sugg to a dear of mine who has MS....wrap herself totally in bubble wrap(leaving and appropriate opening for necessaries, of course. )

PAlady, no, my sister did not get pictures of me and the lizard. Just the lizard sitting on my puff ball that I of course have thrown away since then.

But I have another story for everyone.

Last week I went for my normal walk around the 'loop' while on break from work. I was talking on the phone to my friend and let out a scream and jumped like five feet in the air. I said, "Oh my G**, its a snake!" I saw it wasn't moving thank goodness and took a closer look at it to 1) see why it wasn't moving and 2) to see what kind of snake it was. So it wasn't moving because someone cut its head off and took it, but neglected to take the rest of the snake with them. And it wasn't a rattler. After that I couldn't help but laugh and my friend was laughing at me too. And I'm sure anyone else who was around was. I continue my walk and was very jumpy. Any little bug that touched me I screamed. My friend had a good laugh at me that day. When I got back to my desk I emailed my supervisors saying, "You guys never told me I had to watch out for snakes on my walks!" and then told them the story. The response from one of my supervisors was classic, "ha ha, my prank worked!"

Ok, so I had this vision if we all lived together....

There'd be people on the floor with helmets on who couldn't get up because they tripped over headless snakes. There'd be someone walking around with underwear on her back. A shower scene that rivaled the one in Psycho would be happening and people would be running for cameras to take pictures of naked ladies and lizards. And, of course, some of us mindlessly rummaging through cupboards looking for milk, over and over and over again.

Ok who'd I miss?

OK....you've got me started!!

Walking Across Water

A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and  sits down on the shore. Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore. The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.  The pastor says to the priest, "Do you think we should of told him where  the rocks were?"

and.........What did the Zen Buddhist Monk say to the Hotdog Vender?...Make me One with everything.