How do I Deal With a Non-Supporter

Ladies,Ladies,ladies and fellows too since I became a part of this lovely life of CP, I have found that some of you fellows are being abused as well. We have such a difficult time fighting pain and trying to make life resemble the living that I simply dont have the energy nor the desire to carry around excess baggage any longer and that is exactly what is going on in your lives as well.

Since throwing out the garbage and cleaning up my life I have so much more time for ME! and those who deserve my attention when I am able to give it.

I had one of those "lets get high on your meds" kinda fellow too! When I got tired of going thru the extreme pain as well as w/ds of running out of meds I proceeded to my local Walmart and spent precious money on a safe! My meds went in and didnt come out except for me. Selfish? Not as much as he was taking my meds! Did he like it? Not in the least. Did we fight about it? You bet! Did I care at this point? Not in the least. The alternative for him? He could discuss with his place of employeement as well as the local police department why he had a control substance in his system that he had no script for. Was it a dirty trick? Oh Yea!!!

I hope you realize not only is sharing meds a felony regardless of whom you share with you can and will lose your pain management if found out and sooner or later someone is going to run a blood test for whatever reason and it could be during one of those times your out of meds and lo and behold your not going to have any in your system and someone is going to want to know why. It can be as simple as having to go to the ER for some reason and having to give blood there for some kind of test or being hospitalized for something. Please dont risk your PM for this creep he doesnt sound like he would go these extremes for you. It is so hard to find relief and going to be even harder if you have that kind of blemish on your record.

It seems that the "your a junkie" line is a favorite of these guys and probably because it gets you to wondering since at this stage of our lives we pretty much dont have any self esteem left so we think the worst of ourselves.

If the people in our lives cannot be supportive of us then why really do we need them? It makes more work for us generally,takes away quality time serving their needs when we could be using that energy to do for ourselves.

I have found that some folks in tis life are simply parasites and chose to live off of a host rather then support themselves,they literally suck the life right out of you and serve no meaningful purpose to their host.

This is a little rough and alot harsh but it is reality here and it is the life that so so many disabled and elderly are forced into or coerced into. Only you can change it,only you can stop being the host that breeds life into that parasite and keeps him or her healthy while wasting away yourselves.

Please Please make some changes for yourself. You will be so relieved at the feeling of standing up for yourself and becoming your on advocate. Its a great feeling.

Take care each of you

Thanks for not calling me a weeny!

Thanks LYN,

I means alot to know you are standing behind me too.

God Bless You

PAlady, I don't see any similarities except for disfunctional households. Yes, you can rely on me/us whenever you decide to move into your headwinds just as you have always been here for the rest of us. I don't know what I would do without this forum anymore.

I have a great PT now who comes 3 X week. We do excercises together and then there are my "homework" excercises. I'm still on shakey ground but getting stronger each day. My newest gadget on wheels is (I can't remember the correct name) but it's a walker with wheels & hand brakes and a seat for when I can't go any further. It's great! I was actually able to wash a few dishes today; when I got tired I just sat down on the walker seat. Blaze has mixed feelings about all this. I guess so! I don't need him as much as he thinks I should. He's just going to get over it and move on with his life.

And Gramps, my door is always open for you; I could use some intellectual conversations.

Luv Ya!

Lassie,
I was only referring to some "instability" in both relationships - but of different types, if you can understand what I mean. I guess both of you have "non-supporters" but the details are very different. Does that make sense?

Look at the hits this thread has had. It must be a popular and meaningful topic to a lot of people!

I hope I didn't offend you lassie. Never meant to do that!

PaLady

p.s. I've heard of walkers with wheels and seats, but not handbreaks. Hey, if you can put a little motor on the back you can save a lot of gas $$!

Hey, Lassie, I'd decorate the thing! Had me thinking of my first bicycle as a child and how cool it was to put those streamers on the handles! You could add a horn and scare the heck out of Blaze! Get creative!!

Yes, it does feel good to laugh or smile, doesn't it?! I'm enjoying imagining you racing around your yard, tooting your horn!

PaLady

Dorothy and Toto. Awe....that's just too cute! Take some pictures and put them on youtube!

PaLady

Yes Lassie as PA said I was referring to SJH as far as the meds go. As for the excess baggage? Well that applies to any and all whom have some. Far too many times because we are disabled we see ourselves as unworthy of better things and this simply is not so. If anything we deserve far more then we have in the support separtment since we are forced to give up so much in all other areas of our lives.

I also want to say that until you have made up your mind and your sure this is the way you want it then eliminating that baggage wont usually work and somehow it will find its way back to your doorstep. It seems we have to get the point we have really really had it! That we wont stand for one more cruel word,one more moment of being neglected or abused in any shape or form before we truly put them to the aspahlt for good. How many times over the years did I let mine use the revolving door? Far too too many but I can honestly say the last time when he was walking out the door I knew in my heart and soul it was the last time All the others I hoped it would be and I was angry enough or hurt enough but those old tuggings on the heart strings and that small niggle of doubt was in the back of my mind somewhere making me wonder if this is what I really wanted or what was really best for me,but none of those feelings surfaced the last time at all.

What I am getting at is you have to be ready and you have to know this what you want and need and you have to come to terms with living your life without him and know that it is what will be the best for you without giving thoughts to what is best for him.

Just dont sell yourself short,always know that you deserve to be treated with respect,dignity and above all else you deserve to be loved and happy,dont ever settle for being content in your life with anything.

Good luck

Gramps - I just don't know what I would do without you!

 

Luv Ya!

That's it IT! Lassie sweety. My entire point of it all. No matter what it is each of us desires and int he end will make each of us happy and I am not talking each and every moment of our lives as I just dont think this is possible for anyone,but at least find times when you stop and for no reason other then your happiness you smile for you know that someone loves you and cares about you in a way,that is above all else. So so many times we short change our lives by trading happiness for contentment and we wake up one day and whatever is left of our lives just isnt enough.

I know many folks go their entire life and can honestly say they never really and truly have been happy. We get comfortable and relaxed in our old relationships and facing the challenges of searching or waiting for something right to come along we stick to old faithful even when we know in our heart that the way we are being treated is not love,not passion nor caring and that it most likely is causing us more heartache then happiness each day. We tend to ask ourselves if maybe this isnt all there is and I am not saying here that finding another man is what is going to bring about that happiness, I am not saying you need any such kind of a relationship at all,I just am saying that untill we wash away those that are causing us unhappiness we wont have the opportunity to experience other things that may bring that peacefulness and smile to us more.

My life was so bogged down Lassie from the constant bickering and fighting and the hurt feelings and the knowledge that at times that I felt he looked me with contempt and pure hatred and I know I felt that way about him at times even if it was a breif moment,that there was no room for happines. I was living each day with so much despair and so much depression and had seen darkk clouds for so so long that I was a prisoner of my own feelings! When I finally made up my mind that I had to change something I was not going to survive this then everything else afterwards came easy.

Doing things in your own time is exactly what I meant in my other post and until the time is right for you and I think many times we have to get to a certain state of mind,any changes you make might not stick.

I went 5 years without so much as a date and I was not ancient by any means but after him that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to make sure that when I did  it was what I wanted and not settling again for less then I deserve. I spent time with my friends and kids and grandaughter and even lots of good quality time with myself and for the first time in a long time I had only me to please. I went to bed when I wanted if I wanted, I ate if and when and where I wanted, I took vacations, I went shopping, I virtually regressed back to teen years and was footloose so to say.

I now have a relationship that is what I want and need and as unexpected as anything in my life has ever been. I knew him all my life and I mean all of it as we grew up together,went to the same schools,he was my younger brothers best friend as well as his sister was mine and never in all of those years was there any romantic overture to our relationship at all. Then one day I ran into him somewhere and he asked me if I would like to go fishing? Of all things that is one of my least favorite things to do I might add but I did for some reason and now a year and a half later we still "date" we are perfectly happy with this situation and he is out of town alot but I know no matter what I might need or how often I might need it he is willing to go the length to provide it. I can call him anywhere,anytime,for anything and he is there.

I can think of him and smile,I know I am the first thing on his mind when he wakes and the last think before he goes to bed wherever he is. I know this because he makes sure that I know,he does a million little things that assures me of that each day. Are there other people in our lives? There has to be as we both have kids and grandkids but that is different kind of love and different needs that have to be met.

I am 51 years old and never in all of my life has anyone brought true happiness to my heart and soul as he has. I asked one time why we didnt do this all those years ago and he simply said the time was not right and we both needed to grow and experience other things before we could appreciate each other. So so right but I know had my ex still been in my life I wouldnt be here at this point today as he there was not the ability in me to be happy as long as he was sucking life out me as he did.

Be happy and know you deserve that in your life! Dont ever settle for contentment as the only thing in it,its alright to be content sometimes but not alright to settle for nothing else along with it.

I see you as someone getting your ducks in a row and planing your life as you see the need and all of thats ok as long as you dont sell yourself short in the end.

Good luck to  you and Gramps look out when she boots him out the door for good!!

Wave bye for us!

Seriously, I know it's not easy for you, and that you may be up and down emotionally as it's all happening, but do look toward your future life. Get a vision of where you want to head and keep it in the front of your mind. Come to think of it, I've got to get a vision for myself!

Hugs,

PaLady

Lassie - that's wonderful! I love your vision!

I hope you relax and enjoy your newfound freedom!

Cheers and Hugs!

PaLady