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Vacation of a Lifetime

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Posted 7/30/2008 8:24 PM (GMT 0)

My husband and I are going to Hawaii for two weeks in September.  The first week is business related for my husband so the expenses are paid for by his company.  The second week is vacation to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  Sounds like a dream - right?  Well, I'm having anxiety attacks every day just thinking of the pain involved in the long trip to get there (from Ohio to Hawaii) and the trip back plus trying to do some sight seeing.  The first week I won't have to worry about because I can do what I need to do to rest my back.  The second week we leave Maui and go to Oahu and will do some sightseeing. 

Help!  I know this is a trip of a lifetime at a cost of 1/3 of what it would be without the business aspect, but I just keep dwelling on the pain.

Any suggestions how to deal with this anxiety.  My husband is aware of it so at least I know he understands that part of my anxiety.

The second part is that the last vacation I took my oldest daughter was involved in a dui accident and is now a quadriplegic.  She is now married and on her own but I have another daughter who is almost 24 and living at home and I'm panicking that something might happen to her when I take this trip.

Help!

Melanie

Posted 7/30/2008 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Melanie,
It sure does sound like a wonderful trip, but I can also understand your anxiety about the pain and your daughter. Maybe it's important to separate and sort the two issues.

I went to Hawaii once back in 1979, and am so glad I saw a place so magnificent. I have always loved to travel, and would probably push myself now physically but I don't have the finances, so I cherish the memories of trips past.

I'd suggest sitting down and making a list of how you're going to cope with the pain, first. I mean practical things like medications for pain and anxiety on the trip, resting once you get there (can you get a massage, relax in hot tubs, etc. to help you recover from the trip?). You at least have some time after you arrival to recoup - and in Maui! I've never been there; only to Oahu. So there ought to be plenty of places to rest up before you hit the tourist attractions. And Hawaii - even the tourist sections - is so breathtaking that it's soothing just to be there, even if you don't do much. And it's not that big a place so things are contained, and you can go back to your room and rest a lot. And if it gets too much maybe your husband can do some things on his own. If it's something you really want to do (and it sounds like it is), I'd focus on the memories you'll have after. And once you get home, plan a lot of recuperative time.

As far as the fears about your daughter, have you ever worked with a therapist to help with your anxiety? If so, even a few sessions might be helpful and you've got a little time before you leave. There's an excellent workbook by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D. called the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook and it's based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and there are things you can work on at home to challenge your catastrophic thnking about your other daughter. Do you take any medication for your anxiety now? That also may be helpful, although I'm certainly not pushing that. Talk with your doctor to see about a plan to help with the pain and anxiety. And come here and to the anxiety board for support and ideas. I know you'll get more!

PaLady
Posted 7/30/2008 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Melanie,

The trip will be wonderful, even if you have to skip some or most of the sightseeing bits. You can enjoy yourself just as well without the discomfort of travelling around a lot. Hawaii is just one of these places you c
Posted 7/30/2008 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
... can enjoy without having to do all the tourism thingies. I shouldn't worry about that, just make sure you don't push it beyond your limits.

As for the anxiety, PALady is right I guess. Personally I haven't had any psychological problems, but a good friend of mine was cured after a couple of sessions. Certainly worth a try.

Enjoy the trip and congratulations on your wedding anniversary.
Posted 7/30/2008 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Melanie-PA gave you some excellent pointers. One thing you stated is "you are dwelling on your pain issues". You must stop that hun, whether you are going on a trip or not. You are wasting precious energy by doing that. Instead try thinking of your trip in terms of the beauty of the place, getting out of dodge for awhile, a place to go & relax away from home, do you need an escort-count me in, but I can't carry your suitcases,lol. I am so envious-please have a good time, then come back & tell us all about it. Hugs, Susie
Posted 7/30/2008 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Melanie....don't worry so much sweetie. Your going to HAWAII! I only dream of a trip like that. You have to stop dwelling on this trip hun. Things are gonna be great and with a supportive husband that will be there to help you when you hurt your going to be fine. Just remember to listen to your pain and don't over do it. I too am envious of your upcoming trip wow to go to Hawaii would be soooo cooooool!!!!!! Bring me back a Lai or better yet.....how about you stuff me in your suitcase and we can complain about our pain together LOL.

Have fun sweetie and come back and tell us all about the trip!! Enjoy your wedding anniversary hubby and I are getting ready to celebrate our 12th anniversary, but not as luxurious as going to Hawaii. I'll be in KS for mine hehehehe
Posted 7/31/2008 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your responses and support.  I have this bad habit of obsessing over things that I cannot control or have little control over.  I have always wanted to go to Hawaii and now I'm going to go and all I do is find reasons for not going.  My wonderful husband does not deserve that.  He works so hard and has been so loving and supportive that I need to do this for home as well as for myself.

I wish I could take all of you so that we could commiserate about our pain, but enjoy each others company in what is as close to heaven as possible while still on earth.

I have been seeing a psychiatrist since my daughter's accident in 2001. I also have depression issues, as most of us CPrs do.  She is working with me on this issue I have about being too far from home.  It's not even the trip to Hawaii. I never want to be too far from home - it's almost like agoraphobia, but once I'm out and about I'm fine.  Geez, what a loon I am.

Thanks again for the support.

Melanie

 

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