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Bad Pain & Bad Home Situation - Need Support

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Posted 9/29/2008 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi again. I hope you're all getting proper pain control and have a good support system. Until I found this group and HW, I was totally alone. The pain got too bad for me to work in 2004. Thats when everything collapsed & life as I knew it was over. I lost my nursing career, had to claim bankruptcy b/c of mounding medical bills & not having an income. I was awarded SSDI disability easily, but not before I lost my home, boyfriend & friends. I had to move back home w/ my mom & s-dad. I desperately need to get out of here & get my own place! I'm invisable here for the most part. I can't seem to get any rest & am horribly depressed. The pain is awful despite the strong narcotic meds & anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds I'm on. I've been denied any & all types of Assistance from the DPA b/c they hold my mom & sdad's Soc. Sec. and their other income against me, even though I pay them $300 to have a room here. My s-dad is miserable toward me. We never got along, but at least I didn't have to live w/ him. I feel sorry for my mom b/c of the way he is. I have a step-sister who hates me & makes life very hard. I just want to die! I have no money for more therapy & no health ins. to get better medical care. I don't know how to go on living like this. I'm going down physically & emotionally fast! I need help!
Thanks for being here.
Willow
Posted 9/29/2008 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Willow,
I wish I could come over and hug you. Your story sounds so much like mine is - or at least I'm on the way there, but both my parents have been deceased for years, and I have no siblings, spouse or children to move in with. As soon as my unemployment ends, I don't know what I"m going to do. Yes, I'll apply for SSDI, but you well know it's not much. So my main option right now is to consider moving in with my cousin - and that means existing in a tiny bedroom in her two bedroom apartment. I will loose "me", if that makes sense (I have a feeling it will to you).

I'm sharing this mostly because I want you to know you're not alone. I wish I had some better answers for both of us, but all I can say is I am just hanging in there one day at a time - literally, and I guess praying or hoping that something, somehow is going to shift. That something may have to be me, though. And maybe that's all we really can control - our emotional response to a lousy situation. I keep telling myself that even my cousin's small bedroom is better than being homeless. Can you make a 'haven' of sorts out of your room in your mom & s-dad's house? How much can you get out - like even to the library or something. Anything. And I know that's not easy.

The only thing I can think of at the moment would be to keep calling all the social service agencies - especially those that deal with housing - and see if you can find yourself a tiny apartment that's Section 8, or for the disabled. No, it's not what you once had, but it may be your only other option. At least it would be yours. I keep thinking maybe I could afford a small mobile home somewhere - at least it would be mine.

Anyway, I come here because the support is a godsend. At least there's a place to vent, get support, and often get ideas. So I'm hoping others will come along with better ideas. Just know you're not alone!

PaLady
Posted 9/29/2008 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
Willow, assuming you're in the US, look into applying for Section 8 housing. Because you have a disability, your application would be expedited so a much shorter waiting period, and your income most likely would easily qualify you. They charge rent on a sliding scale, a small percentage of your total income. Once you have your own household, you'll likely qualify for food stamps and other benefits.

Good luck; and remember, you're never alone as long as you have HealingWell.
Posted 9/30/2008 7:01 AM (GMT 0)
Willow - I highly agree with the section 8 housing. I was on it when I lived in a different state and for a house that usually would rent for $600 a month I paid $75.

If you are NOT in the states, then perhaps contacting a hotel/motel/inn and inquiring about weekly or monthly rates may work.....it may cost the same $300 you are paying you mom and step-dad.
Posted 9/30/2008 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all SO much for your replies, suggestions and encouragement. I'm so sorry that you all suffer w/ such pain. It is helpful to know that I'm not alone and to share feelings/concerns with others who "really" do understand what it's like to have to live with unrelenting pain.

PAlady, we really are a LOT alike! I'm glad you shared some of your story w/ me. I'm sorry that you too have to worry about your future living situation! I did everything I could to try and avoid having to move back home. I'd been on my own for 20-25 years and loved it! Being able to come 'home' to my own place, where I had privacy, could lay on the couch & watch whatever I wanted to on TV, talk w/ friends on the phone at any hour, eat whenever & whatever I wanted, take a nap at anytime...and not feel bad about not doing housework, etc...is all but a remote fantacy now. It's hard to live in someone elses house. I am thankful & very greatful that I have a place to live... but I do feel as though "I lost me" I'm very depressed & lonely. I can't have friends here, or date (if I could), b/c I have no privacy. I have tried having guests, but the stress in this house, and my s-dad's crude & inappropriate "teasing" had them running for the door.

How do I go about finding a place to live that's Section 8? The waiting list for County Housing is huge. I know people wait years for anything to open. I've been on the list for 3+ years.

Thank you ALL so much for caring. It means SO much to me :-)

Willow
Posted 9/30/2008 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
:-) Having worked for a Housing Authority here in the south for 15 years+. I can tell you that you may want to apply for the Section 8 program directly. Most are located within the County Housing Dept., but I have seen Section 8 programs run by different Agencies (such as AFL-CIO, Catholic Charities, Private Housing Complexes). Search, search, search, don't give up, it will happen! Actually if you find an area you like and an find a property that you like, many people don't know this, that you can tell the owner that you are disabled and would he/she consider putting the property into the Section 8 Program. The pluses for him/her would be that they would know that the rent would be ON TIME EVERY MONTH! If you don't ask, you will never know. But first apply for a Section 8 Housing Certificate. In my years with housing, I came across a family of a Mother and 6 children was put into a 4BR, 2BA, Jacuzzi, Double Car Garage. Section 8 paid $1,300. a month, Mother paid -0- and she RECEIVED a monthly check for $180. towards her Utility bills. So you can see that Section 8 is the way to go. With as little as SSDI gives us, this program could do very well for you all. Hope that my 2cents helps someone/anyone!! God bless!
Posted 10/3/2008 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
cry  Dear Willow,

I am so sorry about your living situation but I can also truly relate. At 44 (4 years ago) I had to move in with my mom and at first it was very much like you said, that feeling of losing your self, your identity and it took me awhile but I finally learned how to make my own space in my moms home. We are very different so of course we have our clashed but I find it easiest to live and let live. I am very thankful for her and we have become much closer in the last 4 years. I've learned how to see and talk to her as another woman and even a friend at times. I think I've rubbed off on her a bit too and she is a bit more relaxed about things, a very little bit but that's her prerogative. I guess I'm just trying to say that with a little tact and good manners and the willingness to let some of the little things slide you can find your-self again. I did. I even grew up a little, and it's about time too.

So good luck to you and your family at this very stressful time in your life and I don't know about you but the section 8 thing sounds like a good bet. I will definitely do that and maybe you should too. People like us, pain sufferers, have it hard enough and I don't think it is too much to ask for a home to live in.

 

Best wishes Willow,

 

toritoo

Posted 10/4/2008 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Again... Thanks for you're reply Toritoo. I'm glad things are going well living w/ your mom. Hearing something positive helps. I think if it were just my mom & me, everything would be ok. I'm very glad my mom has my s-dad. She's never been 'alone' in her life and I fear for her physically & emotionally if anything would happen to my s-dad! They've been together 40+ yrs. Both are in poor health. My s-dad has a VERY bad heart & my mom has heart problems & other issues, all of which she won't listen to a dr. about. Both parents smoke at least 2 packs cigarettes a day. I watch my s-dad gasp for air & my mom coughs horribly...both have bad emphesema. My mom has a history of attempting suicide in 2004 & is still angry w/ me for saving her life. I was going to live with my real dad, who was wonderful to me, but I found him dead on the 2nd day I was at his house. That was in Dec. 2000, but still hurts so bad. I see my mom & s-dad going back fast and I do alot for them, even though I'm not well enough to even take care of my own life! I desperately need my own safe & private place to live. If anything would happen to my mom, I'd be homeless w/ no safe place to go. My 2 step sister's would put me through hell and I'd be in no shape to ward them off. I'm still grieving the sudden death of my father & have too much pain and depression w/ too little money to get myself out of this mess. I need help SO bad. If it weren't against my faith I would end all of this pain, physically & emotionally now. Any suggestions, encouragement and/or support would be greatly appreciated. I'm lost and scared...

Willow
Posted 10/8/2008 10:58 PM (GMT 0)
Willow,
I hate to hear you speak the way that you do I want you to find a support group to attend. You need someone that you are able to call and talk to we are here for you always but the one on one can help you at this time. I don't know you but what I do know is that I want you to continue to come here and let us know how you are doing. Please at least think about it just to have that extra ear sometimes helps I know I will at one point need that myself or I can see my self going to the far end because I feel I have no where to turn.
Ty
Posted 10/9/2008 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone. I hope everyone is doing "okay", if not 'great'! I'm so glad to have found HW! Everyone here is so nice & it has helped to know that there are others out there who do care and understand.
Ty, thank you SO much for your reply. Right now I can't afford therapy b/c I'm not eligable for any type of Assistance. "I make too much money" is what they tell me. I live w/ my mom & sdad since losing everything b/c of the chronic pain & depression/PTSD, and the DPA counts my parents income against me. My mom even wrote a note letting the DPA Case Worker know that "I pay them $300 a month to live here." I've been involved w/ Al-anon & ACOA (Adult children of alcoholics), since 1988. These programs are very helpful, but I now have too much pain to be able to sit thru a meeting. I lost a good friend that I met at Al-anon...she stopped talking to me after she came to visit me where I live b/c of the huge amt of dysfunction in this house & mostly b/c of my sdad being sexually innappropriate toward her in a big way. I can't have friends (or a date) here b/c of no privacy and the negativeness & dysfunction in this house. I desperately need my on place...I've tried everything I know...I'm stuck and getting my life back seems like a long lost dream :-(

Willow
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