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Posted 4/13/2009 12:52 AM (GMT 0)
I have been starting to feel better. I have actually been able to sleep the last couple of nights better. I did the unthinkable today though. Even though I had more uninterupted hours of sleep, I sat next to my wife in church and fell asleep. I wonder fi I can rent out a space at the church to sleep on a nightly basis? I feel as if the black cloud of depression has lifted some. I am still finding it hard to keep my mind clear and focused but with more sleep in the future who knows what it will be like. I am recognizing that I cannot work 50 plus hours a week and not expect consequences for it. As I have stated previously, I am not eligible for SSD and thus work is not an option at this point but I am seeing my boundaries need to be adjusted. I won't make this a long post, I just wanted to say thanks. 
Posted 4/13/2009 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
Fatherjohn I am really glad to see your post! I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been! You can only push yur body so far and then it starts pushing back! I sorry that it had to come to that, but you are just like the rest of us, we go to the limits and then some more. I do hope that you will actually ease up, and do some readjustment on your boundariies, your body in time will thank-you for it!
Well I am sure you are not alone, in nodding off in church, I have done more than a few times! Especially if it is a long boring homily! redface

I have missed you! I do hope we will see more of you!

White Beard

Posted 4/13/2009 5:36 AM (GMT 0)
Father John, will be hopeing you get more rest this week and will be thinking of you..
Well wishes to you...
(((((((((((((((Father John))))))))))))))))))
Posted 4/13/2009 5:57 AM (GMT 0)
Fatherjohn,
It is good to hear that there have been some improvements in sleep - even if at Church! Maybe you should put a cot in the back! The healing space itself may help. And like White Beard I'm glad to see you recognizing your boundaries.

I know it is difficult without some of the basic back up systems like SSD. Even what I will have coming won't be a lot. Have you checked what you would receive with SSI? Since some of my work has been through self-employment, I haven't had a lot of the benefits like a pension and such from most of my recent work.

Some of us have speculated that we need to have an apartment complex (or maybe us older hippies can remember communes? LOL) where we could all live and share resources. Wouldn't that be just great?

Anyway, I'm glad you posted, and we'll all continue to look for you to improve, and post more frequently when you can.

(((((((((((((((Fatherjohn))))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 4/13/2009 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
Pa:

Would their be upper and lower age limits on this pretend commune where we could
all live in peace, joy and tenderness?

FJ, Good to see you back ... if just briefly.

Pamela
Posted 4/13/2009 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
As long as your getting sleep it doesnt matter if its in church. I could fall asleep easy in church. The vibe i get when I go is a great one. As for the SSI, I went through that process a couple years ago, when i was about 18. The hassle I got was unimaginable. Being so young and being able to walk, they looked at me like I was a idiot. I had to appeal of course.They basically wont give it to ya without a appeal unless ur like missing both legs and arms...haha. I started off with 600$ a mnth. Having never worked at a real job, just under the table. Then when my dad died last year i fell in to some kind of survivors benifits SSI, which basically i get some of his money he paid in working. So now i get 1300$ a mnth. Which all go to bills cuz I live alone. Kinda hard to live of that amount. Soon as I get my pain better managable (hopefully tomarrow i go to doc) ima go back to college and finish my degree. Im like half way through my computer repair degree. Then maybe i can get off SSI and make more than 1300$ a mnth. Also they wont giveme food stamp cuz the SSI check is supposed to cover food to. So basically my family plays a big part in my life. =)
Posted 4/14/2009 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Fatherjohn,

I am so glad to hear that you are starting to feel better, at least emotionally & are getting more sleep! It is really hard to realize your limitations, and even harder to accept them (as we have all discussed on your wonderful previous threads). It takes a lot of strength to step back and be objective with yourself. Way to go!

As for the falling alseep in church, don't worry too much. It comes with the territory. I can't even count the number of times I have fallen asleep in class (no matter how interested I was in the material, or how hard I tried to keep myself awake & focused) since I developed CP & worsening sleep problems. On Thursday I feel alseep (multiple times) sitting at the computer at my internship. I was trying to work with a massive database & all I did was screw it up - had to redo everything today! I constantly worry about driving, because I find it hard to keep myself awake & seeing straight, between the lack of sleep, vision problems, & now neurological problems with my eye. I told my ophthalmologist last week that I think that with my current health problems I sometimes feel that I am a danger to myself and others. It scares me. I really need to get this new neurological issue sorted out & fast, because I can't afford not to drive. I do try to limit my driving & the distances I drive, and I refuse to drive at night unless it is absolutely necessary, but still. I feel so powerless in my own body sometimes (actually with CP, make that most of the time).

Skeye
Posted 4/16/2009 7:26 AM (GMT 0)
Fatherjohn just want to say good that you are back.I have been gone to so we can catch up together.
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