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Son did a very bad thing......

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Posted 6/21/2009 11:31 AM (GMT 0)
ME,
Sorry I haven't been around to help you out w/ this mess! PLEASE stop beating yourself up!!! You made a mistake but EVERYONE makes mistakes!! Your doc will certainly understand!!! If this is the first time anything like this has happened to you, I just can imajine the doc sentencing you to withdrawls for such a minor mistake. It's not your fault that your son has this problem either, if anything your doc should understand how hard it is for you to deal w/ his illness!!!!!!
You are making yourself sick and there is no reason to jump to conclusions like this! PLEASE calm down, it's not good for you to get so upset. We are all more worried about you freaking out about this than we are about your doc not understanding!!! I am sure, 100% possative that he will understand and help you!! You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Please listen to Old Pete and get youself calmed down. Being so upset can't be good for your son to see either. I know it's easy for me to preach to you from out here in cyberland but ME, Please, it's going to be OK!!!!!!! I' have to leave and will be on the road all day today but will check up on you later. I'm hoping you will agree w/ me and realize that you have nothing to get so worked up about!
Hang in there, tomorrow is Monday and you will see that I'm right!!!
Love and Huggs to you.
Your Buddy,
Pete
Posted 6/22/2009 4:04 AM (GMT 0)

Once again I have hope.  I hae been sick all weekend..Literally throwing up and you know what else.  I can't sleep without having nightmares and as soon as I wake up I go into panic mode...Sweating, can't breathe, nausea, and heart starts beating rapidly.  I really appreciate all the support.

Pete, I am going to listen to and stop worrying.  I have been going to the same place for over 4 years and I have a very good relationship with everyone there.  So, maybe they will help me. I guess all they can do is say no.  And that is what I thought they would do anyway so it wouldn't be such a shock.  Forget that I wrote that....I am going to stay positive...They will help me.

I did have them in a lock box, I have always kept meds in one.  This was just a fluke...bad luck, however you want to put it it sux...My son is at his dads house for a while.  I needed a break and his dad needs to step it up and be a dad for once.  He has another son, way younger then mine, and he just acts like it's his only one most of the time.  Not anymore.  He will do this for me.

Tyler is so upset...He realized what he had done as soon as he did it.  He never meant to hurt me.  He was mad and took it out on the thing that he blames for my problems.  So, he will never get the chance to do it again.  That I can promise.

I will let everyone know what happens after I call the Dr.  Then I will talk to her when I go in.  Not over the phone or vm or in writing.  In person.  I will most likely cry like a baby, but that's okay too.

Thanks again.

Love to all of you.

Me.

Posted 6/22/2009 5:52 AM (GMT 0)
Crying is definitely ok, me. And I think if you keep telling yourself your own words - "they will help me" - that will help you to calm a bit. Maybe it will only be help with withdrawal, but if nothing else ask for that, but I think there are some (many?) of us who still don't even use a lock box, so you're ahead of the problem. It just happened and things happen despite our best efforts.

From everything you've said this doctor will understand.

Hugs,

PaLady
Posted 6/22/2009 9:20 AM (GMT 0)
Me,

As with the others above, let me add how sorry I am this happened to you. You have good advice. See your doc and be truthful. I am sure things will work out for you.

As for protecting meds, ever since I found one of my grandkids who came for a visit counting out some of my pills, I have been keeping them locked away in a small safe. I keep only small quantities in bottles with childproof caps around the house. My little guy was just curious. He opens everything he can find. Fortunately they didn't go in the mouth!

I understand that your problem is entirely different but part of the solution may be the same.

Modelmaker

Dani,

How do you stand it so warm? My house is never over 72 and the humidity is never over 55%. I guess I'm just not cut out for living in the tropics!
Posted 6/22/2009 1:00 PM (GMT 0)

Me,

I am sending you warm hugs, from what you've posted it sounds like your Dr. will be understanding!

Good luck today!

XXOO
Patti

Posted 6/22/2009 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
good luck today
Posted 6/22/2009 1:39 PM (GMT 0)

(((((((((ME))))))))

You are so right the dad needs to step up to the plate and help.  It will also help your son.  I didnt have the luck of having a sane x husband.  I had to deal with it on my own until my 2nd husband came along.  YOU SHOULD NEVER do it alone.......

I hope you feel better today and I believe in my heart your PM will not let you be miserable in this situation.

Laurie

Posted 6/22/2009 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
     *warm huggs*

 

    Gosh, sure do hope everything goes okay

  

 

   *huggs*

dani 

Posted 6/23/2009 6:39 AM (GMT 0)

Ok now I am going to knock myself in the head!!!!

((((((((ME))))))))

I completely forgot you live less then 20 miles from me right up the road.  I'm right around the corner and willing to be your support system.  Hey I'm still in the middle of it with my son.  I really don't think he will ever move out and live on his own.  Hes 20.  I think I'm saying I think we both need a support system in this.  I don't express my private issues with even my friends so they would think I'm crazy if I called on them for anything.

Laurie

Posted 6/23/2009 7:58 AM (GMT 0)
Your son might need an assisted living facility so he can have the support he needs and the relief you also need.

It's just something to think about.

HARA

Posted 6/23/2009 9:17 PM (GMT 0)

They will not help me...and, my next appt. is 5 weeks from the last instead of 4...they won't change that either... I am so upset and sick...I really don't think I can make it...

Posted 6/23/2009 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
OMG, Me!

Did you ask what you were supposed to do about the withdrawal symptoms? Wow. I'm speechless that they wouldn't even move your appointment up.

Do you have any other options for a pm?

I hope someone here will have more ideas.

HUGS,

PaLady
Posted 6/24/2009 2:20 AM (GMT 0)

Me,

Is there a possibility you can walk into the office and ask to speak to your Dr.s assistant in person?

I can't believe this is happening to you!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((me))))))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti

Posted 6/24/2009 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Oh my gosh!! I can't believe that they didn't do ANYTHING!! Not even help you with the withdrawls!! And you were on methadone for goodness sake!! Could they be any less caring?! Oh! I am so angry & upset for you! What about your pcp? I know you can't get more methadone from him, unless you break your contract (which wouldn't be so good, especially with your current situation), but maybe your pcp can at least give you something to help you with the withdrawls! You shouldn't have to do this alone!!! I am so, so, sorry, hun! (((((((((((((((me)))))))))))))))) I wish there was something more I could do to help - even just giving these people a piece of my mind!

lots of hugs,
Skeye
Posted 6/24/2009 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Me, I am so very sorry they won't help you. It is hard to believe that under the circustances, an exception can not be made this one time. This is so wrong and unacceptable! Did you call the office and speak with the girls up front or the nurse? Were they able to see you? Bless your heart. I cannot believe that they are going to just let you go without your meds and wait 4 weeks before you can be seen again. I honestly did not think it would go this way. I am sure we all felt that way. I will be thinking about you! There has to be another way...Maybe you can call back tomorrow and request the doctor himself to return your call. Chances are he didn't get the whole story. It is worth a try. I am sorry that I don't have an answer for you. I sure wish I did. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. And again I am so sorry all of this happened to you.
anice
Posted 6/24/2009 4:35 AM (GMT 0)

It is very hard for me to even type so I am going to make it short.. I guess after hearing from everyone here I really thought they would be willing to help me. I guess I don't have such a nice Pain Dr. after all.  Not only were they like "oh well, see you at your next appt." they also wouldn't change my appt.  My next appt. is actually 5 weeks from the last!!  Don't ask me why, I really think it was because the "New" girl I saw was just stupid....So, I brought that up and the nurse said that because of the holiday they were all booked up that week and I should have "stretched my medication... For 6 freakin days?  What the hell?  I should have been seen around the 3rd. not the 9th? Am I mistaken?

So, I am going to call again and see if I can at least get in to see the Dr. at the end of the week, then when the 30 days is up I can get my script....Like I should be able to in the first place...  Have you ever been told to stretch your medication for an extra 6 days?

I can't fill my script early anyway...so I think they should let me come in and see the Dr. anyway.... I don't know..I don't think I can make it.  I really don't...God help me, but all these bad thoughts are running through my head...and I can't see any way to get through this.

I did call my PCP and talked to the nurse...No help there..because of the contract with my pain Doc.  So, I am screwed...

I appreciate all of the thoughts, but really nobody can help me. Right now I am typing through a blur of tears because I know what this is going to be like.... I hate to say it, but the withdrawls are worse then the pain to me right now. 

I have been thinking of ways to get through this and the only thing that will help me is if I can find some Methadone to buy...Hell, I'll admit it, I already found some but I have no money...I don't want to even think about doing that but what can I do?  I cannot go that long with nothing....

I haven't been around people like that in so many years and I don't want to do anything, but if I had the money......I know I would do it...Am I a bad person for wanting to get them?  Am I wrong for wanting to feel better? What would you do?  Go without and risk everything?  I am not strong enough...When I tried to change over to Morphine from Methadone a few months ago I couldn't take it....Can you imagine what this will be like?  Sweating, vomiting, jerking, diareah, and not to mention the pain.... Oh God!!! What am I going to do?

Me.

Posted 6/24/2009 4:44 AM (GMT 0)
Rhonda,
I really don't understand why they won't at least give you something for the withdrawal. Not all doctors are willing to give narc scripts early, that part isn't really shocking. What I don't understand is why they won't at least give you something like Catapres patches (which is not narcotic at all, so your PCP ought to be able to prescribe it without violating your contract, though double check whether your contract says "no meds outside the clinic" or just "no narc meds outside the clinic") -- or something for the nausea or such. I'm not saying it will be a cakewalk, but at least you can somewhat function if you are given something for the withdrawal. Perhaps it's not possible with Methadone, but I would think there has to be something they can give you for the withdrawals other than more narcs. It is a good idea to try to stretch out your meds since they won't give you more (my PM also sometimes tells me I'll just have to make do until he can see me, regardless of whether it's 4 or 5 weeks), but I would still think that you ought to be able to get something to help with the withdrawal symptoms at least.

blessings,
frances
Posted 6/24/2009 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Me,
I know it's tempting, but please don't buy it illegally. You can risk so, so much more! Not only loss of pain management for good, but possibly even jail.

I would go to the E.R., or call a local detox facility and ask for help, although I know that's not anyone's first choice.

If you call your doctor's office back, or perhaps as edt suggested going in person (maybe take someone with you as you may not be calm right now) and nicely but firmly say you feel you are being abandoned by your doctor. Now the word "abandonment" has legal implications for a health care professional and most times they'll perk their ears up, because they'lll fear a possible complaint or law suit. But they might help you right then, but want to refer you elsewhere for future treatment.

Go to the E.R. before doing anything else drastic. At least that will get your symptoms documented, and if you can find someone that understands methadone withdrawal, maybe at least they'll be willing to help you.

(((((((((((Me))))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 6/24/2009 4:56 AM (GMT 0)

Nope, they said "nothing".  The nurse was rather hateful to me, and acted like it would be no big deal so why was I so upset... That I couldn't believe.  They know that Methadone is a horrible drug to withdrawl from, so they should also be willing to help in some way.  But they won't/. and my PCP is scared to do anything to help...So, here I am...

Also, I am a diabetic with out of control Blood sugar levels, and I have HBP... So, what else?  They are all entwined with each other.  They all effect each other.  When my diabetes is through the roof my pain is also...same with the HBP...

I guess I will be spending the morning trying to find money... That is the only thing I know to do at this point.  I may be weak, and a coward for not wanting to go through anymore of this..But I am sorry.  The 9th is a long way away...and I need to have something to help get me through this.

So, if I have offended anyone by saying this I am sorry...but please don't judge.  At least I am being honest...that's the least I can do right now.  But, I can say this with certainty...It wil never happen again...

My meds will be put in a safe...in the floor of my closet.  Or somewhere equally safe.  And nobody will ever have a chance to get to them again.  A little late, but if I make it to the next appt. I promise this will never happen again...

Thanks

Posted 6/24/2009 5:12 AM (GMT 0)

PALady,

You are right of course...It is a risk.  But I honestly feel like I could die from the withdrawls.  Methadone is the worst.  It takes a long time and it lasts a long time.  No way around that... I can't even muster the energy to go to the office.  I know I will just make a fool of myself and start crying.  Then they will laugh at me.  Don't want that to happen.  I am trying really hard to be strong.  Just like I have told others here, be strong you can get through this... But I can't.  No way, it is so hard... I'm sorry, please don't think less of me.  I know my limits.  If I had any other choice I wouldn't even think about it.

I had my hopes up after reading all of the posts.."they will help you","don't worry".... Well, now I am past worried.

So, I will let you all know what happens.  I will try, I promise...

Me.

Posted 6/24/2009 5:14 AM (GMT 0)

Pete,

Oh how I wish you were right...But now what do I do?  No help..not from the PM Dr. or my PCP.  They both say the same thing.  You are under a contract and we can't do anything against it.  Hell, I was willing to say okay, Dismiss me...but help me out first.  But it didn't get that far.  I really thought they would help...

Me.

Posted 6/24/2009 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
Me,
Can someone else go with you to the office and help be your advocate?

This is so not right. But you know that already.

You deserve some medical care. Is there a detox facility around? Seriously - they'd at least help with withdrawals. And I hope you can find another pm after this, but I know that's not always easy to do.

Please, take care. I do know this can't be easy.

PaLady
Posted 6/24/2009 7:17 AM (GMT 0)
Please, please go to the ER at the hospital if your doctors office will not help you.

The hospital can help you. You just have to explain it to them or write it down so they will get the point.

HARA

Posted 6/24/2009 9:46 AM (GMT 0)

I realize that ER’s have not always been out best friends, but you situation is very different.  It is not a good idea to try to detox yourself.  Physically and mentally, this is too much for you to handle.  In addition, you are still responsible for your sons care.  Go to the ER and ask them to refer you to an addictionologist ASAP, so they can help you through the detoxification process.  I can understand the ER not providing you with Methadone, but they are ethically responsible to care for you.  Setting you up with someone who can help you through the detox process would be seem to be the most logical treatment they could offer.

Good luck – but for heaven’s sake do not do this alone.

Posted 6/24/2009 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry. Ihave no advice but wanted you to know I was thinking of you.

hugs,
melissa
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