Crying, I finally did it

Today should of been a good day.  I slept in which was a bad mistake the pain was unbearable.  I took my meds, poured my first cup of coffee and started to think about what to do for my 18 wedding aniversary.

Swallowed my pill, put my coffee aside to get cold and put the planning on the back burner.  For my father was freaking out.  Some of you know about my 70 yr old father.  Some of you don't.  Maybe you should just pass this thread up to save getting a headache..  I would if I could. 

This was at 10:30 am.  Its now 7 pm.  I had no coffee today and only one pain pill until 1 hour hour ago.  I haven't ate or did anything for my anniversary.  Instead I got to call my sister, stayed on the phone for over and hour with the VA and 6 hours in the VA ER.

My father is now committed.  Not just for a few days like last week but for a period of time.  He threatened to kill himself so many times today my head was spinning.  He didnt mean it he just wanted the attention.  I had the fear the doctors wouldnt catch onto his sociopathic behavior.  But to my suprise they caught onto to it almost at the first.

Its only August and I have missed my 39th birthday, Valentines Day, Mothers Day and now my 18th anniversay for my father has a way of acting up on special days.  Hes like a 5 year old at his sister birthday party getting jealous someone else is getting attention.

I'm trying not to fall apart but I feel I may need too for a few minutes.  My sister says she will go home eat dinner then fall apart.  Or I should just say a good cry.  This is not the end of our ordeal its just the beginning of a long road that seems to have been going for years.  Like the yellow brick road with no end.

I have been given 20 yrs tops with my condition with my kidneys but I'm afraid I will spend most the time dealing with his mental illness.  But of course I will deal with the hand that has been dealt but I want to be the 5 yr old fitting cuz my limited days is having to deal with this!  That is just being upset talking.

I just needed to vent for a minute, just a tab bit overwhelmed.

Laurie 

   Dear Laurie,

     Good evening *huggs* I hope you are feeling a little bit better. I am very sorry he did this to you AGAIN. Though I know your heart must be torn to peices... I for one am glad he is away from you.. but also, safe. where he cannot harm himself (or threaten for emotional gain)or you.  I am sick and down right tired of people screaming at the top of their lungs and going to extremes without any care for who they harm in the process. The mental, physical, emotional and social toll on you must be tremendous. *huggs*

    If there is anything I can do to help, just say the word! We will be over in a heart beat to raid your fridge   

* huggs *

    dani

When I get home from work I will respond to everyone.

Lastnight while I was laying in the bed listening to my husband snore.  Just minutes earlier he was so worried about my health, mentally and physically all he did was cuddle with me.  During the time I was laying there I came to one conclusion.

The old saying "God will never give you more than you can handle"  I am very faith based but now I think this, "the mind can handle more than you think".  The mind none of us really know its boundries.  In my life I have been handed alot to deal with.  But I always seem to come out of it for the better.

Today will be a good day even with my dad in the hospital and dealing with a crazy boss who is mean as a snake.  I will post in more detail when I get back this evening

Once again thank you everyone I really needed all your words.  You will never know how much they did for me this morning....

Laurie

I am sorry about your anniversary. I think it is awesome for you and your husband to be married for 18 years. He sounds like a great husband and a wonderful support system to you. So you look forward to celebrating this weekend. You deserve it.

Post as often as you need to. We are all here for you. And allow yourself to heal from this. I wish you peace within yourself.

Anice

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Spike." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky."

6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."

14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)

Hope you are doing okay today!!!!

*huggs*

dani

I went from crying to laughing so hard I couldn't stand it. My husband was looking at me from the kitchen wondering what in the world was going on.

I dont think I could answer everyone of you unless I wanted to stay up till midnight typing when I do have to go back to work tomorrow again.  Which by the way I was told we are going back to 12 hour shifts again.  Big Ouch for me.

Today I talked with my father and he seems to think everything is just hunky dorey.  None of this means anything to him but I keep telling myself its just the mental illness talking.  I considered taking some vacation time to regroup myself. 

Yes PALady I have a boss just like Pete had.  Telling him I want to take vacation would be like signing my write up paperwork and I would be in HR tomorrow morning.  But I didn't want to take the vacation time and keep myself from taking time with the family over the holidays.  If I used my time due to the stress of my father he would interfer with another part of my life.

DANI you are insane but I loved the funnies.  Thats what made me laugh so hard I cried.  I gotta keep that one in files for future sending to someone else needing to laugh.

FatherJohn yes in chat I do use alot of humor to get through life.  I fully believe humor is the best medician and the readers digest was so right on the nose about that!

My mind is set.  My father will be committed even if it takes the rest of my breathing days to get him into a home for people with mental illness's.  He needs to be safe and also others need to be safe from his mental and emotional abuse.  He has no choice for he has given me not one to think differently.  I might fall apart in the darkness of my bedroom late at night but I will wake in the morning with a smile on my face....

I want to thank all of you who I think as my family for taking the time to post on this thread.  It means more than any of you could ever imagine.  Even thought some of you don't know what its like to care for a parent with mental illness's your thoughts and concerns are true to me!!!!!  I would never want any of you to feel this pain.  And to the ones who were raised with similiar issues as I did I'm so sorry you had to deal with this also.  I would NEVER want another human being to have to feel the emotional pain of seeing your parent or parents in such a helpless state.

I could go on and on but I really gotta go to bed.....LOL

Laurie