Train Wreck

I had a fight last night with my husband, ended up crying all night in the bathroom and a small bruise
on my left knee...I told him I hated him and wanted a divorce...I'm still mad...
Pretty much center's around getting procedures done on 12 August and the 19 August, well my daughter
is supposed to be at college on the 19 August and we missed a local send off, which made me mad and well
I was curled up in pain most of today, getting only a few moments of sleep here and there, this local send off was important
to me as I can't be there for my daughter on the 19 and he knew it was important to me...
He'll be with her on the 19th to says goodbye, was it wrong of me to want to go to this send off??

This is our only child, whom we've been through a lot with, she had open-heart surgery at just 12 days old, she's
been and done so much more than the doctor's thought possible..
I'm so very hurt by his not wanting to take me to this send off...........my asthma is starting to flair again, my chest hurts...


Thanks for
letting me vent..

Hope y'all get a low pain day, so sorry, my postings might not be up to par...............

Chart,
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I too am not sure whats going on but it's pretty obvious that you are hurting bad. Please vent all you want, marital problems really suck, I should know having had plenty but when it involves your children, it's the worst of all! You have plenty of good friends here and some strong shoulders to cry on if you need them. Please feel better and like PA said, maybe you can reschedule your procedures?
I'll be praying for you!
Lots of love to you!
Pete

Chart
I think I am piecing things together now, and I think I understand what is happening but somethings are still a little fuzzy, but it is always alright to vent here, I think we are family, I hope that you think of us that way too! Anyway I do hope you and your husband get things patched up! You know I wish you only the best Chart, and I really do hope things get better for you! But remember we are always here for you!

White Beard

Char, Thank you explaining the procedures you are having. I certainly hope you are able to get some relief afterwards. And a 5 hr car ride would be extremely hard to do. I know how much you want to be there. But your daughter knows you love her. And you'll be able to say your well wishes and hugs and kisses, afterall. It will still be special to her.

I really am sorry about the problems you and your husband are having. That alone is very hard to deal with. I do hope you are able to sit and talk this out and come to some sort of agreement. I am very sorry about the bruise. He should never put his hands on you in that way. It is wrong, as I know you both know this. I hope he does apologize for that and it doesn't happen again.

I will be thinking about you. I do hope things work out for the best. I hope your asthma will clear some too. That is a scary thing as well as dangerous. You just know that your family here loves you and we are all here for you every step of the way. Lean on us as often and as much as you need too. That is what it is all about.
((((((((((((((((((((((Char))))))))))))))))))))
Anice

Char,
I am very concerned after reading your story that your husband caused the bruise. I guess I wanted to assume the best when you first posted, that you tripped or something and the bruise was unrelated to the fight but just something else that had happened.

I know you may not want to hear this, but I really think you need to seek some marital counseling from someone who understands violence and abuse issues. Char, it is NEVER ok to push or hit or shove or whaterver to someone. Angry words are harsh enough, but when it escalates to physical the lines are getting crossed. I don't know if it's the first time it's happened, but either way, please don't ignore it. Even the tensions between you around your daughter's leaving added to all the pain you're dealing with fill the plate for you individually, and even as a couple. Still, violence is NOT - I repeat NOT - excusable. And very often violence escalates. It goes from verbal to pushing or slapping to things that get more and more dangerous. It does not get better without help. Please, please give this very serious consideration. I know people tend to want to excuse it due to tensions and whatever, but now that I see he caused it, and that you are either feeling scared enough or other emotions to both lock yourself in rooms to stay away from him says to me there's a lot more happening in your relationship.

And even having a therapist for you to vent to can be useful, too, as many of us do or have had. I've got some professional background here, as you likely already know, but I've also been to therapists off and on throughout my life. I would be again now if I could afford it, just for the support. I guess this forum is my therapy now! But Char, the violence needs to stop. And you need to tell him in no uncertain terms it is not ok, and that you need to get some help together. Let a professional assess this. There are some anger management programs out there sometimes designed for men so they feel comfortable. It doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage or anything like that. As a matter of fact, it may make it stronger in the long run. Doing nothing, though, may give you periods of relative calm, but then always the fear of another eruption. It's called the cycle of violence.

Please vent to us here. We want to help support you through all this!

As far as your daughter and the procedures, I'm still just a little confused. You say he refused to take you to the send off and I'm assuming you mean the local one, but you're speaking in the past tense. Aug. 12th and 19th are still in the future. When is the local send off, or did that already happen? If not, maybe you can get a friend or someone else to take you. And I understand now why the doctors want to do the procedures so close, but maybe you might have to make a choice to see if you can reschedule both procedures? You can at least call and see how long you'd have to wait - but explain to them the reason. They may be more sympathetic and put you on some kind of cancellation list where you can do both a week or two later. It's worth a shot.

Char, please take care of yourself!!!!

((((((((((Chartreux))))))))))))))

PaLady

Char,

I am sending you lots of warm hugs and want you to know you are safe here with us to vent as much as you need too!

I agree so much with what PALady has posted (she is so wise). 

I can  relate to the disappointment you are feeling, I was having Fusion surgery while my youngest daughter was graduating from High School.  I was devastated at missing this huge event in our lives.  My husband and oldest daughter video taped everything from the time they arrived to the stadium until the very end with my youngest telling me how much she loved me and thanked me for everything I had done for her over the years.  It wasn't the same but at least I didn't miss seeing her get her diploma!!

Perhaps, your hubby would consider doing this for you, it did make me feel sort of like I was there.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Char))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

XXXOO
Patti

Char,
I'm so sorry to hear about the bruise. PA's right that there is no excuse for that ever. If it was a one time only thing, I guess that's something for you to think about. If it's been happening more than just this once, then perhaps a divorce is in order.

Assuming it was a one time thing (which still doesn't make it okay), I thought I would share with you my own story in the hopes that you find some encouragement in it. I'm not married yet, so when I say my family, I mean my birth family. I used to be in so much pain & had no energy to do much of anything. They would get so frustrated with it, always feeling like they had to explain things to other people (I don't know why they felt that way, esp. with complete strangers, but they did). They would see me over do things often enough, and then end up bedridden or in the hospital from the pain. My PM would just start to get things under control & then I would over do & ruin all his work. So in their own little twisted minds, they felt like they were helping me. In reality, it REALLY, REALLY hurt me b/c then I felt like I not only had a physical disability but then my family was treating me like I had an intellectual disability as well. Other people would talk about me both behind my back & right in front of me like I wasn't even there, or sometimes like I was there, but was too slow to follow a conversation. It was soooo frustrating!

I got a 2-level RF procedure done in January. It took about 6 weeks to start really helping (which is standard) & then the pain was significantly better. Then, in June my PCP started me on Synthroid for hypothyroidism. The "depression" (low energy, low mood, achy joints, trouble sleeping, significant weight loss) was finally treated. I had been through a lot of anti-depressants & none of them helped, so no one except me & my PCP really expected this drug would help, but it set in pretty quickly & made a night & day difference. For the first time this month, I was actually invited to come & celebrate a birthday with my family (my mom's). They're still a bit hesitant, but none of them can deny how much better both my pain & my energy level have been since the treatments, so slowly but surely they are starting to come around. Try to put yourself first. I imagine it must have been horribly hard to not be able to see your child off to college, but there will be plenty of other times to celebrate with her. I know a lot of colleges have Parents' Weekend in October or November. Perhaps you will be recovered enough by then to head out to her college. I know that even though the send-off meant more to my mom, having my parents come out for family weekend really meant a lot more to me. I was all excited about going off to the university, but after a few months, I realized that I really did miss them more than I thought I would & was glad to have them visit for a few days. My dad took me to get college sweatshirts for all of us to wear to the football game & my mom brought me a bunch of food (I hadn't been eating b/c the food in the cafeteria was so horrible :\

I know it is incredibly frustrating to be so dependent on someone to get around & having them make decisions for you can feel really demeaning, but try to hang in there & hold on to the hope that if they can get most of the pain with the RF & you take the proper time to let your body heal, it means huge changes to your life. Now I don't need to depend on others for rides much at all. I am able to drive myself & nothing feels quite as good as having that kind of freedom. I'm sure you're like me & have tried a million different things & none of them worked, but RF does work in a lot of cases & I will say some extra prayers for you that the procedure will work wonders, that you will have the proper time to heal & that your family will be better about honoring your decisions for your life, even when they may mean more hardships down the road.

Keep us posted on how things go -- both with the RF & with your family. Do keep in mind that the trials usually only last a day or two, so don't let that get you down. If they help, even for a short time, there is a really good chance the RF will make a great difference. :)

hugs & blessings,
Frances

Char,
I hope you weren't offended by anything I said. Feel free to tell me if you were!

Just let us know how you're doing when you can.

((((((((Chartreux)))))))))))

PaLady

I am new here and I don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but like several others here, I am concerned about what you wrote. The bruise you mentioned, the refusal to take you to a very important event - these are red flags to me and I am worried about you. It sounds like things I said years ago. I think I included my email on my profile, if not I will put it on there now. Please contact me if you want to talk. Please feel free to tell me to MYOB, but know that I am here to listen or talk. If I am way off base in what I'm thinking, then that is great, but if not, PLEASE contact me.

Char,

I'm glad that you posted & that you are doing okay & going to seek some help. I'm really concerned about you as well! ((((((Char))))))).

hugs,
Skeye

Char,
I'm also glad you posted, and already have a psychologist you can talk to.

I hope you can get some rest, and that your asthma calms down. Then you can work on other things.

((((((((((((Chartreux))))))))))))))

PaLady

 

Dear Chart,

 

     Good morning! *huggs* I am sorry I didnt respond sooner. I keep thinking "ill post as soon as XXX kicks in" Sorry, so tired of living in the pain fog   And yes!!!! I have vertigo right now and infections that are barly being contained in my jaw. So yes, it is totally possible for an  ear infection to cause it. But I should say my spine does this weird twisting thing ,so my leggs are weird legenths so im off balanace to begin with. Id say about day 3 on antibiotics the vertigo and hearing sensativity went away.

 

     My husband and I got married in Florida. There was this weird law when we went to register for our marriage license. They told us we had to go through marriage counseling before they wqould issue a cert. Weird no?  Anyway, so later when we had issues neither of us thought we "had to go" to marriage counseling, but we needed to go for sure. I got sick and wasnt getting any better and ill just say it out loud. We were living totally serperate emotional  lives. Im glad we didnt have any hang-up about couples counseling.

 

     Hobbie sharing, policy of joint agreement, Love bank deposits, and learning alot about one another. I think we are much stronger than we ever were before. Its like the same feeling of accomplishment we felt when we achieved something special. Only this time, the special is "us". You are so wonderful, and always ready to learn anything new that comes your way. If anyone can "stand tall" and "push through the adversity" it is you. No doubt about it. If there is anything I can do, short of tying hubby up and sticking him out back    Let me know!

 

If you could let us borrow just a small peice of your strength we would be in heaven I tell you!!!   

 

*huggs*

    dani

 

    

Fingers and toes crossed, Char!

Good luck with the injections! Let us know how it goes when you can!

(((((((((((Chartreux))))))))))

PaLady