~EXHAUSTED!!!

   Gosh. Im exhausted. And grumpy. 

 

  Fine so all my teeth are destroyed.... Holy cow do I really have to do this at 29? WHY WHY do I run into everyone while im toothless??? I mean.. EVERYONE? yes, everyone im just that lucky... and think.. havnt even started the 4mo. process of fusion.

  My back stings and I am dreading the new damage. The area of "sting" has spread dramatically.  DANGIT IT ALL! I dont wanna even see the bill from this one...Maybe noone will notice my right hip is nearly directly infront on me...did it really happen like that in just a few months time?? yes. CRAZY!!!

  Do I really have to go back to the eye surgeon? "Hi , sorry to bother you again but I now have little black dots of "pepper" in both eye now"? BOTH? ARGH All I wanted was new glasses thi is stupid! I dont even want the little black glasses anymore!

  DID NOT JUST loose more hearing in my LEFT EAR NOW??? LEFT?? I've hear of "selective hearing" but this is rediclious. I do not have the itme to have my hearing measured AGAIN for them!

 

.... And the baby sitter canceled last minute. We cannot find anyone else to help the week of my day procedures. I got to tuffin up. No choice. Im not BITTER! Im just methodically XXXX names on my christmas list... One of the few times I wish I had family. 

 

.... are my "friends" really causing this much drama in my already over extended life? Yes. Someone said something when I first join, and at the time I though *Oh how said* But it is true. There really is a "Very clear line when you become sick. That is of who are your friends and who are your aquaintances."

 

... And my little bumblebees start school, and yes vanity has stricken me. I wish more than anything I didnt have to meet the new teachers and other parents while my "sick" is so obvious.  I know it is just social vanity but gosh!  I wish it wouldnt bother me so much.

 

 

 

Gosh the inside me is so terribly tired.

 

thanks for letting me "unload"

 

*huggs*

   dani

    

Dani,

I know the toothless feeling. All too well. I've had full dentures since right before I turned 30. They did the extractions in 3 sessions. First all the molars in the back, both top & bottom. Then all the lower facials. Then finally all the top facials. During the time that I had no teeth at all is when it seemed that I ran into people that I hadn't seen since middle/jr high school, people that I worked with when I was 16 and hard my first job, and relatives that I didn't even know I had. It's inevitable that you'll run into everyone until you have teeth again. Just be glad that you don't have something like family photos scheduled. I had to learn how to grin and hold air in my mouth so it didn't look like my face was all sunk in from no teeth.

And then conveniently, once they're in place, you won't see a soul except a spouse or housemate - or maybe even a pet.

Hang in there, soon you too will be able to smile at them and chew only Freedent brand gum. lol. When someone compliments you on the new smile you can tell them that for only $1200 (or whatever amount it's costing you) they could have the same one too.

My heart and soul is aching for you. At times the wholeness of our situations come down like thunder for us to bear. Its good that you unloaded and I'm glad we are here for you.

Laurie

Dear PA Lady,

       Your right, I am not. The lines were drawn last year and I was devistated for a long time. Still makes my heart ache. My friends were the only family I had.  I was devistated, angry and eventually went to therapy. I know that noone expected that a "pulled muscle" would turn into this .. this.. bone crumbling madness nearly 4years later. Noone is more shocked than my doctors and I. sheesh! I am glad I found healing well. I am glad I met other chronic pain patients. Its hard, real hard having your body do whatever it wants. Never relenting, never slowing. Never ceasing. Gosh I hope we can get this calicum stuff under control.

Dear Peircings! 

      Yes! this was so messed up... wouldnt believe it! This guy says "Do you feel better now that you see a therapist?" with an odd look. Like something was funny, that I didnt get. I turned and said "For 5 thousand dollars, Id better." And went back into my conversation.        

      Ugh! Remind me to never treat anyone like that! Lesson #2,000 learned   I have given up on anyone "understanding". You guys do, and a friend in california does. I am greatful. It was lonesome out there!

      I keep trying hard to remind myself that its just a moment in time.  And still I feel the urge to cry and hide.  Such a chicken       The teeth themselves were so costly I had to pay in three chunks. Total for teeth alone $4,000.0.. not including extra X rays, various office visits to both men.  The surgeon, for the surgical procedure,  is using all of what is allowed by insurance this year and another $ 2,000.0 out of pocket.  I know they are working hard and doing the best they can. I know there is alot they are taking in to consideration.

      The awfull part is that I grew up in extreme poverty so I literally had 20K worth of dental work done over 4yrs time, BEFORE any of this calicum absorption stuff started. Jeeze. Im gonna ask for before and after copies of XRays, I dont think anyone will mind. Maybe ill go plant a tree out back, and mourn the loss of custom shaded porcelin caps.  was 800.0 per tooth and I dont even have a thing to show for it.    Atleast all the wisdoms and 4 other molers were taken out back then. Little silver lining maybe?

     Gosh! Does my back have to sting so much on top of it all? I know I need medicine in there already!!! I dont need my back to remind me every passing MOMENT! Not gonna help the 28th get here any quicker. Jeeze. Ugh

except a spouse or housemate - or maybe even a pet.

I'll take 2 tickets for me and Mr.Bubbles! Atleast the cat knows when to keep quiet.  

...Wish we could put mean people in the time out corner.

     This turned out to be a whole heck of alot longer than I had planned.... Sorry. Thanks for your responses, makes it feel easier. And hey! One more day down

*huggs*

dani

Well said Anice! You and Dani are both Angels sent here to our little family of GOOD PEOPLE! You are the karma I so often talk about coming to the good folks (all of us w/ CP!) who deserve something good to happen! You two, Skeye, PA, Chutzie, Me, Susie, Chart, Laurie, Scarred, Patti, Tina, Frances, Sandi, Splash, Merry, Harra, Skrape, Rhonda, FJ, WB and so many others that I'm forgetting>(sorry, my mind has turned to poop!!)are a blessing to me and the rest. My wife sometimes watches me writing on the comp. and asks, what are you doing? I reply "writing to my friends who need me" When I started writing here in the CP forum I was living alone and and working super long hours for a monster, so miserable and lonely! You folks helped me keep my sanity back then and I can never repay y'all for that!
Dani, so sorry for kidnapping your page! I just love all Y'all so much and I may sound corny and cheezy but I don't care! The newbee's know there is something special about this place and stick around but it's not untill they grow w/ us for a while and see all the caring, concideration, compassion and respect that we have for each other do they realize how lucky we are to have this place and our family that has grown together. I truly wish that someday, somehow we could all meet eachother. Could you imagine all the love? I'll bet it would do us all more good than any meds or procedures! A GIANT HWCP group hug!!! Yea, now we're talikn and I've talked too much so I'll give it a break now.
Dani, you are such a special person, hang tough. A year from now you'll be telling someone about what this ordeal was like and when they see your beutiful smiling face, they will never believe you!
Big Hugz from your Big Bro!
Pete
PS> I'm still buying a lotery ticket every week and when all that karma cash comes rolling in, it's gonna be time for one hell of a party and you all will be there, no exceptions!!!

Dani,
Oh, I just wish I could give you a hug, and lend you a shoulder to cry on. And I sure do understand the money end. I'm scared what may be in my future because I don't have thousands of dollars to put into my mouth, but I'm at the age when it's somewhat expected. I'm so sorry you have had to go through this twice in your life! The dentist's should be giving you some freebe by now - you know, like when you buy enough of something and your card gets punched full and you get your meal or your coffee or whatever, free!

Pete - I have to say your words about our family brought tears to my eyes!!!!

((((((((((((Dani)))))))))))))

PaLady

 

 

     Thank you all so much for your wonderful encouragment! My heart is smiling   I came online last night, very late. gosh, just so terribly sad. I think it was after 2am. I cried and cried. I dont want to know what kind of a world this would be without you guys. Its feels like I finally found home, wanting to hugg your family so much!!!  *warmest huggs*

 

     I will try very hard to stand tall. I am embarrased, but your are all right. Theres nothing I can do about any of this, except stand tall. And gosh darnit if everything is going to be out of my control, I can atleast control that aspect. I will try my hardest!

 

     I wish I didnt wake up and feel like I need to go to bed. This just rediclous. Ive got so much to do!  Maybe my body doesnt know what a bed is for    By the time I am done taking medication and rubbing gel everywhere, chewing on orijel sticks and purring to Mr.T, it is already snack time.  I know, I have a whole lot more pain to come. Just wish I could start the next phase of this fight already. Would help too, if I had a name for my foe. A diagnosis. Maybe ill just give my illness my own name. Bone Stealer.  or.. Bone Theif. 

 

      I have to get going.  I think maybe I need to cut out all the stuff that isnt "needed". I hate being lazy! But at this point I think I need to prioritize my needs better. I am only on my feet for about, well no a little more thna, an hour. Closer to hour and half. Before my body burns and jerks and sticks. Wont do me any good to run myself into the ground    besides, I think it is adding to the feeling of being "overwhelmed". Also, think im gonna just hunker down and put chair in each room. Will make sure I can sit when needed. I will make it a point to do the little thing I do have control over. Try very hard not to cry about the things that I cant do.

 

     I am so glad I met all of you. This is so scary, and every time I feel frighten like im about tto run away. There you are. All of you. Reminding me I can do this. It will all be okay. Thank you all so much!

*huggs*

dani

    

 

    

    

 

    

Well said FJ! Sorry I've been missing this for a few days, one of those extremily busy weeks where I feel like I've been chasing my tail!!! Dani, I really hope you're feeling a little less tired and your poor old back has stopped stinging. Is your mouth feeling better now? No wonder your body is exhausted, it sounds as if you need those magic friends to appear and carry your load for you for a few recovery days. You know the ones we can conjure up using our magic wands, they're good to clean the bottom of the fridge and remake your bed. Hope your hanging in there,Dani, best wishes, golitho

Dani,

I'm sorry that I haven't posted before now.... I've been reading and thinking of you - please know that. I, too, wish that I could give you a big hug!! I hope my post finds your back feeling at least a little bit better....and maybe your mouth, too. I'm sure you ARE exhausted.

Dani - in every post that I've read of yours - you have such a great attitude, a wonderful sense of humor; you are so kind, compassionate and caring. I really admire you for going through all that you are right now. I just know you will get through all of this....

I wish I could answer the "why's" of all of this... I really do. But please know that you have many, many people here that love you and are here to listen and support you.

Tina

Unfortunately it's not next week yet, but I wanted to stop by again in this thread to tell you to keep your head up even if you're not doing big smiles.

If nothing else you can always play the mysterious smirking woman. Think of yourself as the modern Mona Lisa. You can always do the aloof appearance where you fail to really register any expression on your face. When I was running around with no teeth, I tried it. It really seems to un-nerve people when your face doesn't respond to them. I was trying it since I was uncomfortable with my face, I figured it would be a good distraction to experiment with people and their reactions.

Big smile or quiet smirk, you're still a beautiful person and you also have the gift of humor. I know that a lot of times I make jokes when I'm really stressed out cause it keeps me from crying; but I had to learn to listen to my own jokes so that I could laugh at them and distance myself from the pain/discomfort. Realize that you have that same gift and let yourself be amused with things.

Wishing you "rapid time passing" till you're at the day you desire...
Lacey

Dani,
Wow, you've been through so much and now to have to come face to face with such a mean teacher..
In my eye's your the most wonderful caring person here and if I could face down this teacher for you i would
If that had been me, I would've walked away slowly, turned around and said "Since when did you go to medical school?"
in a loud voice, but that is at least over and done for now...If I knew I had to face her, it would be hard
and I'm sorry you've got to meet this very very rude person..

I'll be hopeing your getting some low pain days soon...
lots and lots of soft hugz..
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dani)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Keep us posted

Teachers are suppose to be the most compassionate, loving, warm, supportive and NON-judgemental people there are!  What other type of person could we possibly trust our most beloved little souls to.  Please don't hesitate to transfer your precious daughter out of her class.  Express just that to the principal.  Tell the prinicipal that you are not judging her ability to teach but you are looking to protect your child from a person you have seen act inappropriately and immaturely towards other people.  Teachers should be like doctors; they should first do no harm. 

Better to get the teacher that teaches less and loves more!  I wish you the very best of luck with this situation.  There is nothing more painful and worrysome than a problem with a child, no matter what that child's age.