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Posted 12/20/2009 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys,

First off, I'm so glad to have read that some people have been doing better/found relief. What an inspiration. For everyone else, I hope the end of December goes really well. I've been having a really rough couple of days, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I'm just going to vent for a minute.

It all started on Thursday afternoon. I pushed myself to make it through both classes because it was our last day, and I really wanted to be there to say goodbye to everyone before break. After class, my professor/director pulled me into her office to talk about the possibility of me taking medical leave next semester. I posted about this in another post earlier, but basically at this point, if Mayo can't give me a workable option when I see them in January, I don't think I really have a choice. She has promised me up and down that they will hold a place for me, no matter when I decide to come back. She and my other three professors have been absolutely. They email me, call me, ask me how I'm doing and check in. My classmates, however, have been a different story. I don't hear from them ever, and I know part of that's my own fault. I campaigned at the beginning of the semester, back when I still had this all under control, to be the point person on our biggest project of the semester. But then I deteriorated very quickly, and wasn't able to fulfill that. My director told me that she and the other profs were very disappointed in my classmates, are actually going to address it during professional seminar next semester, which really makes me wonder what all has happened.

This also means that when I get home, I have to sit down with my parents and tell them about maybe taking a semester off. I'm really not sure how they will take it. They are super supportive, but at the same time, my mother is a very driven woman who never asks for help, and expects the same from my little brother and I. I just really don't want her to be disappointed in me.

The to top it off, that evening my roommates came in and sat down. I could tell by their faces it was something serious. The big interview weekend for our graduate program is in February, and most of the housing for the second year class (which will be mine) is figured out by then. ThThey then proceeded to tell me that they found a two person apartment that they're going to live in during next school year. They're already toured the house and met with the landlord, and so oh by the way I'll need to figure out where to live next year. I'd talked with one of them awhile ago about wanting to go to a brewery in town to pick up Christmas presents. I texted her this afternoon because she wasn't around, but never heard back. Then she and my other roommate walked in the door with bags from said brewery. And we'd been planning for over a month to go out to dinner tonight, my treat, for all the help they've given me this term. When they came in, they told me that they were going bowling, but I could come and sit if I wanted to (I can't physically bowl). I know I haven't been the greatest of roommates, but before my arm started flaring up again I was. Now, when I can I try to hang out with them, but they really only drink, which I can't do. I can't wash dishes, but I always put them away, and try my best to help out around the house. I know I'm not as social as they are, but I do try. I just feel completely abandoned. One of my roommates was going to drive me to the airport tomorrow, we were going to get lunch together before she dropped me off and she's leaving only a little bit after I am. She called me earlier to tell me that she'd actually like an extra hour to pack, so I can ride with another classmate which will put me at the airport almost six hours early. I am feeling really isolated and alone right now. Because I've missed so much class, I haven't been as close with my other classmates lately. When I talk with my roommates, they act like everything is fine and there is nothing amiss, but I am really hurt. I don't want to say anything because I feel like it would just make things worse, plus we're all leaving for a month tomorrow.

Then to top it off, one of my flights stops in Philadelphia and they are buried under a blizzard right now, I'm really worried that my flights are going to get canceled, and that I'm going to have to sit in an airport all day. As I'm sure you all know, stress makes pain worse, and pain makes stress worse. My shoulder has been absolutely awful, today it so tender I can't even lean back against it. If I take tramadol when I fly, I get airsick, which is humiliating because I travel a lot and I've never had problems before.

Okay, I'm so sorry to dump this on all of you, I am just so frustrated right now!! I'm sorry this is so long, but I just really needed to get this off of my chest. Thanks for reading!

Jenna
Posted 12/20/2009 4:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenna:

We haven't had the chance to "meet" yet, I haven't been posting much lately but I'm trying to do better.

I'm really sorry you've had so many disappointments all at once added to your pain. My oldest son just came home for holiday break - he is going to school full time, working full time, and dealing with bad back pain, so I understand to some extent what you are going through.

Pain affects every part of our lives including our friendships, and that just plain sucks! I hope your parents continue to be supportive and understanding if you decide you must take a semester off.

I hope that your flight home went smoothly. I live in NY, and the snow came a lot later than they expected, so hopefully you made it home before it got going.

Keep us updated on how you are doing.

Lorie
Posted 12/20/2009 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Jenna....you know!....I understand what your saying, and I often find that you can change a thing, other than how you look at it......as a professional photographer, we are taught to look at a scene from every possible angle. It's amazing the view, and how much different something will appear, once viewed from a different angle. I think in a case like this, it will have to be you, that will have to make an effort to do so. Please take a look at my profile and find my email address, then send me an email, and I will send you a Power Point file that you really might find enlightening. Make sure you identify yourself, so that I know who you are. Hang in there, and no matter what is posted here, we mean well. We try very hard to help all that pass this way. Take care my friend!

Michael
Posted 12/20/2009 7:49 PM (GMT 0)
(((((((((Jenna)))))))))). It sounds like we are somewhat in the same boat.

It is so frustrating when no one understands what you are going through. I had similar problems with my roommates (and they even did the same ditch you for housing thing to me). I lived with them for 3 years. They used to be my best friends, now I live alone & barely speak to them. It's pretty sad, actually. People can be so self-centered. That's what makes this site even more precious. Even though we all have different problems, we understand pain & how it effects our lives.

I can also relate to the issue of taking time off from school. I've debated taking a semester or longer off every semester for the past two or three years. Both my doctors & my parents urged me to take time off, but I just wanted to finish my undergrad, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to go back. I now only have one more final exam & one more semester to go before I graduate. I'm going to take at least a year off before I go to grad school. I hated even the idea of that at first, but my parents & my doctors kind of talked me into it & now I'm happy that I made that decision because I think it will be best. I really need some time off. I'll have to work, but at least things will (hopefully) be a little more relaxed.

Things will work out in the end. Hopefully your winter break proves to be restful & relaxing so maybe you'll feel a little better. Have a safe flight(s) home!

hugs,
Skeye
Posted 12/20/2009 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry you are going thru all this with your so thought friends. I can understand as I have lost friends because they just didn't understand my chronic pain. You need to put you first and remember it is their problem not yours. As hard as it is to lose friends it is for the best, for you at this time in your life. Remember YOU are important, very important. Hope you got home safe and are able to rest up.
Posted 12/20/2009 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
You should definately get the medical help you need and try every medical option that passes your way. Let's face it, unless your condition improves, you'll have a hard time finding a descend job when you're often incapacitated by pain. So getting well is most assuredly priority number one, way more important at this time than your studies and your friends as this will affect the rest of your life.

As to the roommate problem, well that's Humanity for you. Now I'd like to speak a webit on behalf of Humanity. Since these people don't know what we're going through and since we often don't display physical signs of illness people have no idea what we feel (how could they?) and often think or assume we are taking advantage of them. I can see the logic here. For example: You say you can't do the dishes. But on the other hand you're capableof going out to dinner (I suppose you eat with knife and fork), hence most people assume that if you can use a knife and fork, you're also capable of doing the dishes (we're not talking about heavy cooking equipment). Problem is, maybe there is a point here. Of course we, as pain patients, are more willing to suffer pain to get a good meal than we are to do choirs, yet from a physical point of view, both are often equally painful. If we want to do our "fare share" ir means in practice we'll have to do more than healthy people. That's the way society works.

As for worrying. Don't. It's basically simple. There are two kinds of problems in the world, the ones we can do something about and those we can't. If you can do something about it, don't go on about itjust solve the darned thing. If you can't solve the problem then it's pointless to get stressed over it. This simple philosophy will make your life a lot easier and much more pleasant (but it takes some training).

Good luck at the airport and keep us posted.
Posted 12/21/2009 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
Jenna,
We haven't met but I think your situation sucks. Time and time again people with chronic pain are misunderstood and sometimes taken advantage of. I can feel your hurt with your roommates as mom of two girls (grown now) and being a girl myself that kind of stuff really hurts no matter how old or young you are. I hope your parents support your semester off and maybe if you get things in check you'll have a better semester and employment opportunities will be better.

Remember Jenna you are the one that is responsible for you....you are in charge of your health and know what is best for you and your health. If you don't take care of you as the primary care taker then others won't either. You sound like a wonderful, strong young lady and I'm sure you will thrive no matter what the situation may be. Take care cause I do care.
Posted 12/21/2009 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Jenna,
I think your room mates have treated you lousey, they should've been more understanding of your situation and well I think like the other's have said that you should look into getting the medical treatments and go back to class when you can..I wish you well in what you choose to do, as it is your decision and I hope you put yourself first, no matter what anyone else says or does...
Lots and lots of soft hugz and well wishes...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jenna))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hugz,
keep us posted as to what you choose to do, okay, (we care)
Posted 12/21/2009 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenna

So sorry you are having such a hard time.  As for taking time off from school do what is right for you. Talk with parents, maybe your Dr and decide.  If this condition will affect your studies and grade point avg quite a bit it may be good to take time to rehabilitate and mentally prepare for when you return.

As for those roommates. Poof be gone.  They are insensitive and you do not deserve your friendship.  Move on from that nonsense now.

Yes airlines are backed up so try and check your flights and maybe you can do a change at no cost.  Some airlines have been offering that option.  Better than being stuck in a strange airport with no place to go.  That would be stressful.

Enjoy your holidays.

Posted 12/21/2009 9:41 AM (GMT 0)
Jenna,
Sorry I've not been able to respond sooner. Having continuing computer problems.

I think it's difficult for many people to understand what we go through, as others have said, but I think it's also a little more pronounced at a young age when others have had so little life experience themselves to have any way to gain a perspective on the experiences of others.

Yes, you are being abandoned, but that will happen to you in life. It's sad and not right, but a good lesson to learn, so that you don't waste a lot of time on those who don't care to understand and instead seek out those who are willing to. They're out there, just harder to find.

As for school, remember you can go back when you're feeling stronger. I was thinking about my adventures with college and I dropped out after a little over a year to get married, then got divorced, then eventually went back and went on to graduate school. At the time I thought I was SO old and that I'd be ancient before I ever started my work life! Now I realize I had plenty of time - and so do you!

Hugs - and I hope you don't get stuck in an airport!

PaLady
Posted 12/21/2009 11:33 AM (GMT 0)

Jenna, sorry to hear about everything going on in your life right now but like PaLady said life can be hard at times and you will have more issues in the future that just aren't fair but you just have to pick yourself up by the bootstrings (I think that's the way the old saying goes) and move on.  You seem to be a strong intelligent person and you will be just fine!

My question is, are you on your parents insurance as a student?  My only concern is will you have insurance if your not a student?  This could definately be a problem if you decide to take some time off.

Good Luck!!!

Posted 12/22/2009 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you, thank you, thank you all. It was so wonderful to come home, get on my computer, and see all of the wonderful support and advice from all of you. I ended up getting into Minnesota at about 4am, but luckily my amazing boyfriend only lives about ten minutes away so came and got me. I stayed with his family last night, then he drove me down to Iowa today. It was a rough day, but I managed to get through it.

I sat down with my parents tonight and broached the subject of taking next semester off. They were immediately against the idea and my mom was definitely disappointed that I would consider it. My family has always been very "go-get'em", no matter the cost or sacrifice, so I knew that this wouldn't go over very well. I tried my best to explain that I want nothing more than to go back at the end of January and have an amazing semester, but that things have to change over break. Luckily, my PT here is amazing, and hopefully Mayo will be able to help as well. Oh, and I forget who asked but as long as I'm a student or under 25, I'm covered by my parents insurance. I just turned 23, so I've still got a little bit of time!

I held off talking to my roommates since we won't see each other for a month, but when we get back I'm going to try to sit down and talk to them. If I can explain how I'm feeling, and as them what they're feeling and try to find some middle ground, hopefully we'll be able to get through next term successfully.

Thank you all, again, for all the support. It really means a lot.

Jenna
Posted 12/22/2009 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
Jenna
I am glad you made it home safely! I do hope that Mayo's can help you in some way! I really do feel for you, I like Privey have two daughters and they are also grown up now, in fact my youngest is a Nurse at Mayo Clinic she works at St. Mary's Hospital! Anyway you are so young to have to learn such a difficult lesson about suffering with Chronic Pain. There has been many threads about the toll one has to pay for having Chronic Pain it is a terrible price, but allot of us have lost friends because of it! But please know that you have found some new friends here at this forum. I am glad that you came to us to share in your burden, you should never have to bare all that alone! There are so many wise people here that like you suffer greatly with pain, and like you some of us don't have answers for everything! I just want you to know that you are not alone, and we are here to help and support you! Try to be patient with your parents, I am sure they don't want there " Lil girl" in pain either try to let them know what it is like for you and what your feeling, do your best to communicate that to them, after all it is important to you, and it should be important to them! I am sure they want only the best for you! As every one here does! Take care of yourself and enjoy your Christmas Break!



Iwish you Well!



White Beard
Posted 12/22/2009 5:55 AM (GMT 0)
Jenna,
I used to teach college, and I had students who had to take time off, take a lighter load, or even drop out. You may need to engage your professors to help your parents understand if needed. They may or may not come around; I'm sure they think they're doing what's best for you, but they may not quite get it, just like your roommates. Maybe over break you'll get some time to talk with them,just like you plan to talk with your roommates, but in the end it's your life and you have to do what works for you. Sometimes that's one of the lessons learned in early adult years be it through health issues or other things. Trust yourself. Do your best with your PT and other health care providers and make the best decsion for YOU. Some people will come around to understanding, and some won't. But White Beard is right, you always have us here and there's some young people struggling like you (like skeye) so you've even got more common ground here than with us, ahem, older folk! LOL

Hugs,

PaLady
Posted 12/22/2009 6:47 AM (GMT 0)
Jenna

You have a very wise and caring lady here that I highly recommend you give some serious thought about what she is sharing with you, even though she is ("ahem, considered among us older folk!") PALady like most all of us can empathize with you, we know what it is like to live with and deal with Chronic Pain. And when all is said and done and all the chips are down, YOU and only YOU have to do what is right for YOU! One thing I always told my daughters, when they had to make a decision, about something, (" Make your decision, based on what and how it affects you, and your life, don't make your decisions on what you think me or your mother wants for you, or your boy friend or any body else! We can't live your life for you, so your decision should be based on you and what YOU want and what is best for you! And only YOU know that!") To be honest I did not always agree on their decisions, but both my daughters are successful, and doing OK! Other than wishing they lived closer, I am happy for them and proud of them both!

Jenna I do wish you Well

White Beard
Posted 12/22/2009 7:15 AM (GMT 0)

Jenna,

Hi...we've not met before...I am Rhonda.  I really feel bad for you.  You are trying so hard to make things "Normal" and it just doesn't seem like you're being met halfway...I understand that your roomies can't know how you feel, and they can't expect you to be the same kind of roomate as they are...but to diss you across the board like they did?  Not good...not good at all. 

 

And I'm sorry, but I have to say that I am so upset that your parents won't consider letting you take a semester off...you sound like you need it...and it really isn't up to them.  If you don't want to do it then it's a different story...but at least consider it.  It may help.

 

Have a Great Holiday and try to take it easy..both physically and mentally...

 

Me./

Posted 12/22/2009 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
Jenna,

Would any of your doctors be willing to speak with your parents about you possibly taking time off? It might help to have an outside source/"professional opinion." I've had several occasions where more than one of my doctors volunteered (unasked) to speak with my parents (with or without me present) about decisions like taking time off. I've never actually taken them up on it, because even if my parents didn't agree with me, they were generally very supportive once I made my decision, but it's nice to know that someone is willing to advocate for me. Hopefully your parents will come around.

Skeye
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