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Posted 7/14/2010 4:25 PM (GMT 0)
Geez , I think I was never meant to get better , just have some realizations and become a better person before checking out . I'm expierencing nausea , yet I have to take pills , I have congestion in my chest , yet I sweat on a dime and I'm afraid I'll catch pneumonia , a death sentence for me , My body is all out of whack man it wears on me , haven't been my positive self since waking up with this a few days ago . I'm isolating , feeling depressed that means , gotta see the psych tomorrow .I dread going to the darn emergency room , gonna try to see a doctor at the program although the regulars are on vacation . Thanks to Chartreux for checking on me and everyone who wrote in caring about me , it means a lot , I love you a lot , my great friends here have gotten me thru a lot , I don't feel well though , just weak , with nausea , congestion in the chest . It must be a darn bug , I'll try to see the doctor tomorrow , the nurse is coming here today , she's nice but just does the blood pressure , but she listens to my chest so I'll see what she says . Again love you all , Mikel
Posted 7/14/2010 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel, wow, I know this might be hard but you sound like you need to get some rest..
Do you have any relaxation cd's or music that you could just play and totally shut the world out...
even if it's for a few moments, it might be the best thing for you right now...
just trying to help...maybe some deep breathing exercises and thinking of a place
that is calming to you...Things will work out, okay...you'll get thru this, and ask the nurse
when she comes what might be good for nausea, she might be able to help...
Sure hope your feeling better soon and think positive no talk about pneumonia, your not going to get that....
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mikel)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
healing hugz...hang in there okay.....get some rest...
after reading this Geezee sure wish I could help, sorry
only other thing I can thinl of is some flat canadian ginger ale might help with the nausea,
something with ginger if you can tolerate ginger...
Posted 7/14/2010 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel!
wow my forum friend. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. Alas all I can do is send you healing thoughts and the knowledge that you are in my prayers. I know where you are at as I spend many days in your current state.
Hang in there please. You are such a caring member of this board!!
Keep talking here, we are here for you.
catahoula
Posted 7/14/2010 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel,
You sure have been hit with a lot, just when it seemed you were on the up side of things. But I know when I feel lousy (I mean the "extras" that come on top of our usual chronic stuff) the world looks bleak and I feel bleaker. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that that's ok, because nothing's going to feel or look great when I feel that lousy, so number one on the list is taking care of those new symptoms that are bringing all the bleakness on. Am I even making sense? lol

You know there's a lot of wisdom in a part of your first sentence in your post. Sometimes I think we look for perfection in life - or at least in our cases good health - when maybe we have to accept that it's just about learning, having those "realizations", making some meaning from them to do a little good in the world while we're here. Don't minimize that learning! It may be all we've got. Did you ever read some of the books about people who have had near death experiences? A lot of them say they remember meeting someone, or a type of being or an energy or whatever and are asked something along the lines "what have you learned"? Chronic illness sure brings a lot of opportunities for that learning, and they're not always fun that's for sure.

I hope you can feel better and get out of the darkness.

PaLady
Posted 7/14/2010 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Mikel, I was so wishing today would be better for you. Come and find me if you can get to the computer and we will talk like yesterday ok.
Remember we will stick together and we will help each other out to get thru these tough days. My laptop is open for you. I know you came looking for me this morning, but I had a bad night and it continues so I was not on earlier, but I am now. FB, email, yahoo what ever buddy.
Please hang in there, OK.

I am thinking of you

Hugs
Posted 7/14/2010 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel,

I hope and pray that you get some relief soon.

Thinking of you,

Flower
Posted 7/14/2010 7:02 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel,

I was hoping that things would be better for you today! I am so sorry they are not! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! Try to get some rest.....try to relax.....and I will be sending well wishes you way!

Take care of you!
Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 7/14/2010 7:08 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel...

I'm so sorry for all you are going through :( I could tell you've been having a hard time. I don't even know what to say (for once) :) Other than I feel for you and just wish you better days. I know you'll get through this - but I really understand how, in the midst of it, it's so darn overwhelming. You've done the first thing, though, by reaching out and sharing what a hard time you are having....

Let us know what the nurse says, and please stay of top of things and go in if you need to. I know you hate ERs (oh, me too)... but it's better that than letting this get any worse.

Hang in there, and keep us updated....

Love, Tina
Posted 7/14/2010 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
I sure hope you feel better asap. I will be praying for you to get out of this hole you are in.

hugs,
melissa
Posted 7/14/2010 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
Get better soon ((((((((((((Mikel))))))))) .
Posted 7/14/2010 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
oh Mikel  ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))  I'm so sorry that you're not feeling any better.  My heart goes out to you.  It's so hard when we're sick on top of our chronic pain.  Please let us know what the nurse says.  I know it's horrible to go to the ER, but I agree that it might be a good idea to go.  I hate going too, so I know.  I hope you feel better tonight.  Please keep us updated on how you're doing.  Feel better really soon.

 

love and hugs

Loretta

 

ps I'm here for you also.  I need to put my email so it's available.  I get up late and am a night owl if you need to talk.

Posted 7/15/2010 5:11 AM (GMT 0)
 

   Dear Mike,

 

    Of course it is always good to hear from you. Though goodness getting sick right now has got to be the worst possible timing. *hugg* I would be pretty darn upset if I were in your shoes. The consequence for a man in your position to be sick... Gosh, I am so very sorry. I do hope more than anything it will clear up quickly, but I understand the delicate balance you have to deal with daily. It can quickly turn life threatening for someone in your position. Though I hope you can get into a doctor quickly... I really really hope this doesnt dragg out into a month long affair. It could so easily cause a drop in your TC count. With surgery only 2 months away ..... gosh you must be so scared and angry right now.

 

    Gosh mike *hugg* I am so so sorry. *warm hugg* Gosh, I wish there were some way I could help. You mean so much to all of us here and have brought us so much joy here. It isnt fair you are being hit with this right now.. Goodness I pray you can get through this quickly with as little effect to your system as possible.

 

*warm hugg*

     dani

Posted 7/15/2010 10:32 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry my family , I feel like a weak idiot , I need to do better , Thank you for putting up with me and caring about me , I don't feel I deserve it I should be stronger . I think I need to re- assess my approach and take responsibility . Most of you are innocent victims of a bad karma , I choose a lifestyle that directly led to my situation and I need to man up about it . Sorry all and thank you ,Thank you Chartreux ,cathoula and Palady .Thanks Suzane , Flower , Beckey and Tina , Melissa , butterflyrose , Loretta and Dani girl , you are wonderful giving , caring people who enrich my life so much . I'll do better with this , knowing I have such incredible friends helps so very , very , much .I hope you are all feeling well , my love and thanks , Mikel
Posted 7/15/2010 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
Goodmorning Mikel!

So sorry to hear your not feeling well...still! Just wanted to share a few thoughts buddy! Sometimes our bodies just don't listen and the stress of everything get's to be too much and our minds circle and circle.... I agree with some of the things written before and just want to say that sometimes when I'm struggling with the "inner fight" I have to meditate/pray and just tell my body who is boss! And most importantly hand it over.... Some of our illnesses are TOO big... I know this sounds funny....but I believe in mind and body. Many times when I've been hospitalized I realize I've let myself get into a circle of bad thoughts and this can really bring me down mentally and physically. I'm not sure exactly everything your going through but I know your waiting for surgery...I think. Well, if ya gotta push the surgery back till your better...than do it...no biggy! 

In saying this...do what ya gotta do...to get better...be it hospital, med's or surgery....it's all o.k.!!!  You have lots of love and affection here! We'll all lend an ear till then:) 

Heather

Posted 7/15/2010 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Mikel,

I am not sure how to start, because I am a little bit angry with you......but only because I care! To begin with - "weak idiot" - you are not an idiot and we all are weak at times!!!! That is what friends are for...to be strong for us, when we need to be weak. Besides the inner strength and courage that you generally show, you have been strong for many people here when they needed to be weak! Most of us here like to feel needed, also...so let us help you! Then - "I need to do better" - do better at what? Concealing your needs? Hiding yourself when you are down or weak? Why? We are your friends!!! We love you no matter what! And why are you thanking us for putting up with you and caring about you? We don't "put up with you"....we need you and caring about you is the really easy part....no thanks needed....and OF COURSE YOU DESERVE IT! Do you truly not care about the rest of us here? I do not think you kindness and compassion is an act, so when you care about people, you are cared about in return! And now the big one....."Most of you are innocent victims of a bad karma , I choose a lifestyle that directly led to my situation and I need to man up about it." Please don't tell me that because you made some bad choices, you deserve this!! I know some really good people who have made some really bad choices!! The choices we make do not define who we are!! I made a lot of bad choices....some of them involving drugs....but I believe that the choices I made have made me who I am today....a good person with empathy and compassion! They have made me wise and taught me not to judge, but I am sure that to a point, some of my bad choices are contributing to my health problems! My dad used to always say, "If I would have known that I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself!" So there is no reason to be sorry or to feel like you need to do better or to thank any of us for caring!

You give of yourself daily to your friends here! Always kind, caring, strong and supportive when someone needs you! I consider it an honor to be your friend and it helps me to know that I am needed once in a while too!!

So sorry to pick your post apart and kind of yell atcha'.....just know it is because I care! Don't beat yourself up anymore CP does a good enough job of that!!

Take care of you!!!!
Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 7/15/2010 7:56 PM (GMT 0)
Wow ! Thanks Beckey , you have really given me a lot to consider , I do feel weak when i have those moments of being afraid or being unable to cope . But your right when you say its a human thing , its still hard for me to admit what I perceive as weakness , I'm still getting used to feeling instead of using drugs to negate any feelings . I'll tell ya I've never allowed myself to be cared about to the point of showing what feels like weakness to me , and to most men .But your very wise Miss Beckey , you saw thru that embaressment and reminded me that real friends means you can say what you need to without feeling shame , I felt shame . Thank you for showing me it was misplaced and that I just need to be at peace with my feelings . They aren't right or wrong or good or bad , they just are . Thats was really good stuff . Hugs back at ya , Mikel
Thanks Heather for the kind words and caring , I think your right sometimes it seems to big or overwhelming to handle , its great to have friends like you to care and help me stay grounded .I really appreciate it , hope your feeling well ! Mikel
Posted 7/16/2010 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Mikel,

Just know that I care.....otherwise I would not have said a word! There is no shame in needing someone to lean on once in a while!!

Hugs,
Beckey
Posted 7/16/2010 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Mikel,
Please know we all care...no one is here is stupid, but when your scared everything goes...
Take some of my strenght and get that new hip....we'll be here awaiting the good outcome....
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mikel))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hugz...
Posted 7/16/2010 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
Mikel, get plenty of fuilds and I hope you get over bronchitis very soon, it's almost as bad as pneumonia
so I hope your also resting up and that your on a antibotic that will get rid of this...
Healing hugz
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