~ Common Family! Get It Out!

       

 

 

Dear Family,

 

    Who better to vent to than those who know you best? This thread is for getting it all out. For venting. A "bi-weekly vent".

 

     Most of us are quiet, and emotionally much stronger than those around us. It is one of the side effects of long term chronic pain. It isnt that it DOESNT bother us. On the contrary, it does hurt. Hurts ALOT! But, often times, we keep it all inside.

 

     This is where you can let it out. Once you let it go.. forgive and forget. As best you can. Get it out and take a deep breath. We wont take offense, we understand. So share it with us.

     ...Rude receptionists. They talk way too loud. Never fail to ask personal medical questions. I mean, why ask anyway? It isnt any of their business. I just skip right over and ask if they need my credit card and insurance card. And just for the record I hate people that make such a to-do about snapping and baby bubble popping their gum. Over and over. Buggs my nerves. Chew it quietly or spit it out!

     ...And what is the deal with the whole "Im too busy for you" attitude anyway? There are times I wish these various medical personel would remember that *I* pay them. And rather well if I might add. Wouldnt it be funny if we could pic and choose which recptionist or nurse we had (and payed) depending on service provided? 

    "..oh I am sorry but ,your performance was very poor. You will be paid minimum wage for today."      

*giggle*
  dani

I rarely ever vent here...I'm more of an Encourager or Supporter I think. But, Dani has opened the door for this, so I'm going to take advantage of it.

I am SO FRICKEN TIRED OF BEING TIRED!!!!

Ah, that feels better. I am so tired of the chronic exhaustion I experience, on top of constant pain. Now, I am lucky in that we seem to have found a combination of drugs that helps keep my pain at a fairly steady 3-4, with very few spikes. What we can't seem to find answers for is my constant exhaustion. I can sleep for hours and wake up tired. I can wake up refreshed, and then be exhausted within an hour. I have to plan every aspect of going out and balancing it against when I can rest or sleep to restore my energy (ha ha!).

If I do anything physical, like playing with my 4 year old grandson, or going out shopping, etc., I can guarantee it's going to mean I'm too tired the next day to do anything. I just hate not being able to do something spontaneous, without thinking of the consequences after.

I'm also frustrated by the incredibly long wait times to have tests done here, or to see specialists. It's about 6-8 months to get an MRI done and generally that long or longer to see a specialist (Orthopedic Surgeon in my case). But, since I can't control that, I try to practice patience.

My heart and thoughts go out to all of the people in these forums who suffer - whether they talk about it or not. I wish I could make everyone healthy but all I can really do is pray and lend an ear/shoulder to those who need it.

hugs,
Pam

I'm with Jaden's mommy....I want to be able to play with my kids! Take them to the beach, or the park, or even just go outdoors on a bright sunny day instead of having to hide like a vampire (I have lupus AND Lyme, can't tolerate sun). I want to be able to stand long enough and walk far enough (without unbearable pain) to be able to be a MOMMY, instead of an invalid!!

I'm just so tired of it all!!

I am so very tired of the pain not being taken seriously. I am tired of the worry that if I take that pain pill today, and have to ask for a refill, they will tell me that they think an ibuprofen should really work just fine if I really give it a chance? It takes me an average of 6 months to go through 30 of the weakest pain pills, not because I am not in significant pain, but because I am afraid that if I use them, they won't refill the prescription, and I will have nothing to help me on the days that my pain leaves me literally nauseated. I have a pretty high tolerance, as I think most of us do who are in pain all day, every day. But there are times when it just gets to be too much, and I don't think it is too much to ask to be able to have something available in our medicine cabinet to treat that pain. Why should you have to be dying of some awful disease to deserve effective pain relief? Why do they force pain medications on everyone with side effects of massive weight gain, which in turn, increases pain? I wish that for a month or two, every doctor could experience chronic pain as we do. They would probably be backing a lifetime supply of narcotic pain relievers up to our doors with a thousand apologies for being such idiots if they lived with a fraction of what we do. I wouldn't normally wish chronic pain on anyone, but the holier than thou doctors who think an ibuprofen is a cure all for pain that makes you want to throw up need a serious wake up call.

I'm trying to move everything out of my house that has accumulated there for 25 years of living and raising two boys by my self. My house is 250 miles from where we live now and I've been going down there once a week for the last month! I am in constant pain and am fighting it w/ all the power I can muster. My lower back is just totally shot and gets worse w/ every box of crap I pick up and put in my truck along w/ my electric neck. Every peice of furniture I struggle to get out the dorr and fight to squeeze into my pickup trucks bed under the cap.
I hate that I have to do this all by myself in my condition but it's not my wifes fault. She has to work and make the $$$ to keep us bearly going plus she can't leave because of the horses! She says she is planning to take some time off in two weeks and has someone who will watch the pets so she can come down to help me but thats two trips away!
Sorry about all this b'ching but it's driving me marony!
I just finnished building a shed in the back yard next to my dying garden to store more crap in. I almost killed myself putting it together in the 100 degree heat and 1000000 % humitity.
So I'm off again this a.m. and will be gone till mid week.
I love all Y'all and miss writing to you daily.
Big hugs from the edying fat guy!!!
Pete

You know, I really wasn't going to say anything on this board today, but this is the ... posts" so I will.
Sometimes, just reading the post that other people wrote is helpful. I don't feel so alone.

I feel bad for them, and I don't understand why it has to be like this for so many of us.

I am alone. I purposely avoid talking to people now because of the "how are you question."

Why do people evn ask anyway? They dont want to know. They only want to hear it's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine.

What do you tell people when this is the worst time of your life to date? You just smile and say, "oh I'm fine"

I pretty much even do it with family now too. They don't understand and they don't care to either.

Everything is wrong with my life and it is all my fault. It is my fault because I should be stronger than the pain and be able to fight it off like a real man and move on with my life, but I can't.

The only person I have left is my wife. This has taken such a toll on her that we have fallen apart as well. I don't know why. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm an awful person. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe it's all in my head.

But most of all, maybe I am being punished by god for doing something wrong. Maybe this is what I get for doing something in my past. I wish I knew what it was. I am ashamed to say I am tired of praying. Either god is not hearing me or he doesn't care either.

Maybe I will go to hell for saying that, or even thinking it, but sometimes I do.

I am angry. Sometimes I am angry at god. I am angry that things have to be this way. I am angry at people for not having chronic pain, for not understanding Cp.

That is awful to say too, but I can't help it.

I look over at the person in the car next to me and wonder what their life is like.

Wonder why it can't be me. Wonder why I just can't be me.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I am different. I am bitter and intolerant.

I am guilty, ashamed, and jealous.

I feel ashamed to even be alive. A total waste of space, and nobody cares.

Maybe she could marry a real person and have a real life.

Maybe I am dead.

Maybe it is being slowly isolated from all your friends and family until you are totally alone.

A hermit, in pain for all of eternity.

I need help. Nobody can help me. Nobody cares. Maybe if I fake a serious mental disorder they can just lock me up and my wife can move on with her life.

I think I have a serious mental disorder.

Forgive me lord, for I am lost and wandering alone in the dark.

I don't know where to go or what to do anymore lord.

Post Edited By Moderator (Chutz) : 8/9/2011 11:18:20 PM (GMT-6)

Okay here is my beef, so to speak! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!!!! There is no relief for us that have CP! I cry everytime I read that one of my dear friends are not up to par. I feel abandoned at times because hubby might understand what I am going through, but in reality he really doesn't. His back healed just fine and sometimes I feel like God is punishing me for something that I did! I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I feel like I am being punished for something.

Hubby I feel is coming to the end of his rope with the waiting. I know that he hates seeing me in pain and hearing me cry late at night. I know he wishes that he could take my pain away, but he can't and its frustrating to me because I have never been a weak person. I've always been able to stand strong through anything. But this has really gotten me down and I am sick of it!!!

Gosh I feel so much better!!

I love the idea of a place for anyone with chronic pain to vent, and am hoping maybe someone will relate to me here!

I am tired of feeling like a burden to my two sons, fiance and extended family. Most of them ask how a day is going or how I feel, but you can see who really wants to hear the truth and who doesn't. Being forced to lie to someone about pain just makes me feel worse about myself, as though having daily physical pain isn't enough lets add some guilt and emotional torture to it!

And I just love the way people ask if I am overdoing it (can you hear the sarcasm?) They tend to be the people who don't really want to know how bad you feel also. As if the pain or medication makes me so stupid that I can no longer see that they are not really concerned with anything but themselves, and just providing lip service since that is what is expected. Those are also the people who ask "Are you sure he wants to marry you with all your problems honey?" Or my favorite, "How is your significant other holding up? It must be hard on him to have to care for you all the time!" It makes me feel like he deserves so much better than what I can give him, not to mention the lasting damage I may be doing to my sons. Obviously, people who would be that insensitive have never had any type of difficulty in life and have no idea what pain feels like.

Welcome back Pete...

I'm so tired of being sick..seems like I get sick easy, everyone else in the
family is so resistant to everything except me...and I've got a virus of something
with a sore throat...dang it...