Just wanted to tell you how bad I feel for you, and that I understand your dilemma. I have been in serious pain for a year now, and my PM doctor just keeps increasing the oxycontin. I'm up to 180 mg per day, which is a HUGE dose. I want to cut it in half, because it doesn't seem to help I'm afraid of addiction, but in earlier posts, nice people here told me the difference between addiction and dependence. If you are in pain, you shouldn' feel guilty or ashamed to ask your PM doctor to increase the dosage. You are not an addict or a bad person -- you are an unfortunate soul who is in pain and in need of relief. Please just keep telling yourself that. You deserve to be pain free, we all do. When I read what some people here are going through, I just don't know how they do it. They must be very spiritual, or have a great number of friends to help them.
It's tough. I will and am sending you a prayer. I hope you will feel better and that I will feel better too.
I care.
Riccardo