My pain causes my depression.

Hi everyone,

I found this forum because I am up at 3:30am with severe back pain.

I have an injury in my iliopsoas/spine that I had been working on in PT for some time (Had the pain for 2 years, finally saw a PT mid last year). For the past 2 months I have applied what I learned from the PT/Chiropractor and have felt GREAT. This past Friday I was working out and carelessly did an exercise that rotated my spine back and forth. I knew it was not a safe move, but it was in a group fitness class and I guess I felt compelled to do it. I knew it was bad and could get worse, and it did. Saturday I experienced some back pain, Sunday even more, Monday even worse, and now I am up, having not gotten any sleep because of the pain + Tylenol w/Codeine that has Caffeine in it. Not only that, but I experience (undiagnosed) panic attacks as a result of the severe pain, making my blood pressure rise, making my pain worse, making me freak out about the pain, making the cycle continue and making it impossible to sleep and heal.

As the pain increased over the past few days, it has pulled me lower and lower into depression. I am susceptible to depression, since my mother and her mother both suffered from it, and I have definitely experienced it in my life. It is like looking at your life as if it were a movie or TV show. I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. I "look" at myself and think "No one knows what I'm feeling. No one around me has experienced pain like this. Everyone I know is asleep and is comfortable. No one I know has such a cruel mind that causes them to worry about dying of pain." I realize this last idea (and all of them, really) is not realistic, since I am 28 and in good shape otherwise. It just seems impossible to experience rational thought when pain is clouding your judgment and distracting you. I do everything I can to stay grounded and know people support and love me and would do anything for me. I know if i called certain friends or woke up my fiance, they would all help me if I asked. And yet I sit here, feeling the pain on my own, because it's my burden. Literally my burden. Other people may be able to help hold me up to fight it and give me words of encouragement, but it is my battle to fight and I am the one that needs to overcome it.

I suppose I feel that I will be the only person experiencing relief when this is resolved., which is what makes this lonely. And yet it's so unfair for me to rely so heavily on others to bring me happiness, but in this situation, it kind of matters.

It's not all a loss. I will make an appointment with my Chiropractor later today and hopefully get in to see him today. He is also a Naturopath doctor, so I think I may ask for some help with my anxiety/depression.

Thanks for listening (reading). I feel better and calmer having written that. :)

Most of us here with our lives in constant chronic pain, know all
too well the depression that can go along with it. Have you considered
maybe seeing a specialist like a psychologists? as this is what
helps me, along with relaxation techniques. Try to distract your
mind at night with maybe finding a relaxation cd, a book, just
some examples, others will be by with better advice...
Hope you can get a low pain day soon
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lizerick))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Healing hugz and well wishes...
a moist heating pad can help soothe sometimes...

Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for your support and kind words. I am so happy to have found this place as a way to express how I'm feeling and to see I am not alone with my pain. As much as it is horrible that there are so many others with pain, I truly do feel a connection to others who experience what I have been experiencing and it makes it much less horrible.

Thank you for the supplement suggestions, Spinal Soldier. I know I need to get a B vitamin complex supplement and plan to go vitamin shopping today!

Thanks for the relaxation techniques, Chartreux! I was able to talk to my sister briefly around 4am my time (she is on the east coast) and she had suggested a bunch of relaxation "apps" for my iPhone. I ultimately didn't get to bed until later in the afternoon, but I used them then and was out for 3 hours. :)

Thanks for your support, Pebbles225. It really helped knowing that other people cared about what I was going through the over night. I am really lucky to have found this resource and the people on here.

I hope your appointment with the doctor was successful, SadSickTired, and at the very least you learned useful information that can bring some light on what is going on with your back. It took over 2 years of me struggling from doctor to specialist to doctor to finally find out that I had a hip flexor injury. I need to just be careful for the rest of my life, and I suppose that is alright. It could be worse.

I was able to go to my chiropractor who is also an acupuncturist (amazing, right??) and he told me I aggravated the part of my sacrum that has many ligaments attached. That coupled with some sore hip and thigh muscles and a tense upper back made it worse. I am still in pain, but was able to get some good rest last night, and feel better for the most part. I have another appointment with my chiropractor tomorrow to make sure things are improving.

Thanks again, everyone!!! I really appreciate your support, kind words and attention. It really has made me smile and allowed for me to take my mind off my back.