Dumbest things Medical Professionals say... ALL IN GOOD FUN

My dumbest one requires way too much back story to fully appreciate it but, basically, my GP told me I almost certainly had RA so she sent me to a rhuematology clinic. Spent an hour with a med student then a resident.
Attending physician comes in and announces "So, I see you have gout."
I gave him The Look, the one that says you are too stupid to breath, then I asked "Did you read my file?" without bothering to hide the I think you are dumb attituted.
He left the room without saying anything else, came back 5 minutes later and said, "I see you were just diagnosed with RA." in a sort of diffident voice.
On subsequent visits to the clinic I asked for a different doctor.

Oooh, I've got a few of these...

I had a bad flare with my gastroparesis last year, and after a discussion with my GI doctor decided that we'd put the much-hated NJ tube back in to get me through the rough patch.

Had the dietician come to assess me - she was a bit of a ditz anyway and I didn't like her. Quite funny in itself because she was so annoying I wanted to smack her and told my GI that - and he couldn't get it out of his head every time he spoke to her (LOL). She says she'll be back the next day, after the tube's been put in.

NJ isn't like an NG tube - it's generally done with a scope, so I was taken to theatre, knocked out... and woke up with no tube and my very embarrassed doctor by my side apologising because the nobody had actually checked first that there was a scope the right size available before I'd been put out.

So - dietician comes back later in the day to get feeding started, looks at me and says "I assume the tube has gone in okay?". I said "Oh yes, they're using invisible ones these days - do you like it?". How can you miss whether or not someone has a tube sticking out their nose? *sigh*

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My GP sent me to the ER a few years ago because my potassium had fallen dangerously low after a gastroparesis flare. Doctor examining me tried to tell me that my gastroparesis was caused by "all those bits of metal (my SCS and pump) floating around in my abdomen and compressing my stomach". Didn't want to listen to me telling her that they're actually under the skin.

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Not dumb, but funny

Dermatologist looking at my leg ulcer recently, and trying to tell me I'd been scratching it: "If I was a forensic pathologist, I'd be telling you that those are scratch marks." Me: "Are you a forensic pathologist?" Cue deadly silence...

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And a stupid thing done, rather than said... will never forget the ER doctor sending my Dad off to buy a bottle of Coke to try to 'unblock' me one night (was never going work - the end of it had kinked - and I'd told him that I'd already spent 6 hours at home trying to unblock it myself). Doctor pumping NJ tube full of Coke at high pressure = Coke explosion all over doctor. Serve him right for not listening!!

Laura

The stupidest thing I ever had a doctor say to me was "Because I am the doctor and you are the patient. I don't have to explain my thinking to you."

The 2nd most stupid thing I was told and this by a nurse: "You can't fire a doctor." This after I fired the above doctor.

The 3d most stupid thing, also told to me by a nurse: "If a doctor orders it you have to do it. You can not refuse tests or treatments." This after I refused to let them insert and NG tube. Told the doctor who ordered it the only way that was going to happen is if I was heavily sedated first. Told the nurse the same thing and also told the nurse if anyone came into my room with one I would file assault charges.

Jim1969 said...
The stupidest thing I ever had a doctor say to me was "Because I am the doctor and you are the patient. I don't have to explain my thinking to you."

The 2nd most stupid thing I was told and this by a nurse: "You can't fire a doctor." This after I fired the above doctor.

The 3d most stupid thing, also told to me by a nurse: "If a doctor orders it you have to do it. You can not refuse tests or treatments." This after I refused to let them insert and NG tube. Told the doctor who ordered it the only way that was going to happen is if I was heavily sedated first. Told the nurse the same thing and also told the nurse if anyone came into my room with one I would file assault charges.

Gotta love the Borg types...."Resistance is Futile. You will be assimilated." It never ceases to amaze me how many people actually convince themselves that these sorts of things are true.....the sad part is that some patients actually let themselves be treated like cattle that way.

Laura, those things those doctors and nurses said tops all the dumb things I think I have ever heard in my life.  Its kinda scary itsnt it, our very lives are in these peoples hands.  Frightening.

Well my dumbest doctor statement to me was (and this was at the beginning when I was still 5'9 and weighted about 145-150 ls.  As he stared at my chest the entire time he was talking to me and said to me"you need to losed weight and swim, then you will be fine", and he was a neurosurgeon.  My answer to him was, "they dont talk (meant my breasts as thats all he was staring at as he spoke to me) if you want to lift your eyes up and speak to me, I might respond.  At which time he became very flustered and whisked me out of his office, with a strong hint not to come back.  As if I would have.  The man was a pervert.

Take care all,

Kathy

Another Dumb one to add to the list..a well respected allergist in my area had tested me for everything in the book and had decided I was allergic to "everything" and needed medication. He prescribed allegra (to which I knew I was allready allergic and had documentation from my PCP). He told me NOBODY could be allergic to allegra and that I was making it up. He INSISTED I take the allegra before leaving his office and when I got to work (about 45 minutes later), I was shaking uncontrollably. I went in and the shaking progressed to the point that I could not walk normally or even speak without my voice shaking to the point of being impossible to understand.

The boss insisted someone drive me back to the Dr immediately and he did see me. He still insisted that I was making it up and ask "are you having problems at home?" My response was "No, I'm having problems with allegra". Needless to say, it was my last visit with that Dr (good reputation or not).

Right after I had my first baby (Years ago) and was still in the hospital the intern came in to talk to me. His first question "have you had a period lately?"

I wondered if he was in his High School Health Class or something.