11 days now since surgery

Well, it's been 11 days since the fusion, and I'm still living in a world of pain and brutal agony. I'm not hypersensitive like I was for the first week or so, seemed like the smallest wrinkle in the sheet on that hospital bed was enough to send my pain through the roof.

I'm still not able to get comfortable, getting closer on this super luxurious memory foam bed, which raises and lowers with a remote, and even has a vibrate feature, but one accidental push of that vibrate button this morning, just left me in tears, I couldn't get it shut off fast enough.

I've only left the house for a post-op appointment, which turned into an all day nightmare because of a flat tire on my car, and for some emergency business at the bank, someone spent over $300 out of my account, and they said I had to appear in person to sign a dispute form, but they had it all set up when I got there, so I was only there for 5 minutes. The money was deposited back yesterday afternoon. They believe it was a clerical error by a utility company taking a payment from someone over the phone, slightly understandable, but still frustrating.

So after 11 days, I kind of feel like I'm back to where I started the days prior to surgery. The pain feels almost identical, except for the added pain from the actual incisions, which are still very sensitive, and itchy now on top of that. I am kind of feeling like what was the point of all the extra pain, since it hasn't gone down at all, but I am now having the benefit of my legs not falling asleep at their own will, which does really add some comfort. Just wanting this whole thing to be over with, and again, at my post-op, the surgeon was very blunt, and pessimistic about where he thinks the pain levels will go from here. He continued to lay it down hard, that the whole logic of having the surgery was to prevent further loss of function in my legs, not for pain relief.

Well, right now, it's just another lonely, painful, Saturday afternoon, which I'm starting to get accustomed to, as it seems to be the routine now that everyone goes out on Saturday, and leaves me to my tv and computer, and its even lonelier not having my little guy here to keep me company, I did get to talk to him this morning, which was the best way I could have been woken up, but when it was time to hang up, I wanted to.crawl into a hole and cry. I'm just getting so tired of this routine, I'm ready to scream, and it doesn't seem to have any light at the end at this point.

I guess this is probably not the best place to ask about when does it get better, but when I talk to people like my mom or grandma, who also have had back surgeries, it just gets even more depressing, since they both claim they were almost pain free after a week, and now, the same with my uncle, who just had a surgery two weeks before me, he's off all meds, and says other than the itching from the brace, he's completely comfortable and feeling super.

Ugh, I keep telling myself to find.a happy place, but there just isn't one right now, I'm reminded of a gag commercial that they did on Saturday Night Live for "Hybernol" which would knock you out for three months during the flu season. I'll take two please; wake me when things are getting back to reality, or at least something more livable then this.

Hi, Matt. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I've sat here, after reading your post, and written out several replies... And deleted them all. I honestly don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry, and that really doesn't cover it, but I'm not gonna hold the delete key down anymore! :-P

I just wish that you didn't have to be there alone. Maybe, just think that each day that passes, however awful the days are, is but one day closer to your little guy coming home to you. This might be a dumb question (or maybe you've already covered it), but do you have any voice recognition software? I don't use mine too much, but I do know that whatever I have on my phone works pretty well (Android). I'm just thinking outloud, that if you had it, it might enable you to 'connect' with people online a little bit easier?

Again, just thinking outloud... That sometimes, getting online can make hours pass before you know it! I was looking for videos of my pending(?) surgery this afternoon and before I knew it, three hours and many different topics later, I found myself watching some silly baby laughing when his Dad said "Boo!" (I figured I had better refocus at that point!).

Just trying to help, when what I'd really like to do is pop over with a movie and offer my help, or at least company. You give so much to this community... I can't imagine that I'm the only one

Take care of you, mate. Just know that someone, clear over in the middle of the country is thinkin' about ya!!

Thank-you Rose, Kaely, and Sicntired, this is just one of those days where it seems like the meer idea of "doom n gloom" keeps getting the best of my mind. I just keep trying to get it all out of my head, but that's near impossible today. Getting a little bit of it out has helped some, I tried talking to my brother while he came over to check and clean my incisions a bit ago, but he was significantly more interested in trying to get muscle relaxers from me than he was in having a real conversation, the whole time he was here was "oh my legs have been cramping up... I cant sleep... my shoulder hurts... but you have so many...", I've told him over a hundred times how appalled I am at his quest for my medications, and thank God they're safety locked up in a very expensive 9 digit combination safe.

I've gotten slightly used to his inappropriate requests, I used to kind of feel sorry for him, because I know he gets some pretty good aches and pains, though I'd tell him to go see a doctor, now I tell him to go see a support group. I won't give hime anything and never have, and have reached the point that I'd rather not have him involved at all, but weekends like this, he's all I've got, since everyone else went out of town.

It's just lonely around here tonight, but the computer sure is nice to have. Call me old fashioned, but I wasn't one of those guys that was hardwired to be a bachelor, and not even having been on a date in almost two years has been wearing at me quite a bit too. But it has certainly been such a Godsend to find this forum and have such wonderful people to talk to, even though we've never met, we all share a common dream, to be free of pain, but with me, there's some types of pain that they don't make pills for.

Thank-you all so much for being here, it means the world to have people who really understand, and have been there too.

Not Kaely, but my English husband says it's just Toffee. He laughed at me when we were first married, when I would say "English muffins", although, I don't think they actually have those :-P His favorite example is that in France, French onion soup is just Onion Soup.

Ya'll have my sweet tooth hankerin', now... cookies, homemade apple pie and toffee!! Yum!

1 am, still up, and my tummy is doing it's loud obnoxious rumbling. I tamale pie for dinner, store bought, no where near my grandma's recipe, but I totally forgot that the main wet ingredient in a corn meal crust is evaporated milk, I had to look at the box to confirm my suspicion about that, dairy and me do not get along very well since my gastric bypass. I know it wasn't the toffee, I only had one bite of that, so it has to be the tamale pie.

What I wouldn't do for good nights sleep, seems like I dont even hit REM these days, because I don't ever remember dreaming I've gotten so accustomed to only a couple hours of sleep it's ridiculous. Before my back kept me awake, it was divorce, before that, it was my hungry newborn who my ex wife didn't want to lift a finger for; before him, I was driving around the country, driving 20 to 25 hour shifts, keeping 3 to 4 log books just barely paying the bills. It never ends, and there's no rest for the weary just more pain and hard work because I wasn't wise enough to get enough schooling to work with my mind instead of my back.

I'm ready for a break, and maybe a trip to Hawaii, though I'd settle for Catalina at this point. I just want to be free for one day and one whole night.

That reninds me, if anyone is reading this, when are we expecting David (Purgatory) back from the Caribbean? I sure would like to hear what that place is like, I've seen pictures and heard other people describe their trips, but it's always fun hearing another story, with a new perspective, anytime I hear a new story about a place, it almost takes me there, depending on who's telling about it anyways.

I sure hope everyone is having a better night than me. I'm gonna try to close my eyes again. Everyone take care.

Awoke at 5am by the rumble of death! Not an earthquake, the stupid bed. It just started shaking me randomly, and the remote was sitting undisturbed on the night stand. Got the remote, and the batteries were totally dead. It took me an hour to find new batteries for it to get the bed shut off. My back hurts so bad right now. And its spasming so bad, even my behind is spasming. Just laying here waiting for meds to kick in. Ouchy! Anyone have coffee?

Ugh Matt, I finally made it up, took me forever this morning to roll over. Hubby has been very in my face about my snoring keeping him awake ..don' t laugh.....so I slept on 4 pillows to stop that. I do not keep well sitting up, my back is aching like crazy. He admits this morning if it's a trade off he would rather I wake up feeling rested not crippled. Thank god he finally gets it, maybe I can get an entire nights sleep without being woke up over and over.
Sorry dear had to vent now about your sleep and bed problem? Can you just deactivate the bed and use pillows? Are you on any sleeping aid? Oh yes and your brother needs to get his own I agree, my sil is always asking and I say if you hurt that bad go see your doctor or you can go to mine but you can not have my meds.
I found when I first got home I was on amytropoline which really helped my REM sleep, my hubby uses melatonin that helps him.
Btw I am envious of the toffee I have not had anything like that in over 20 years. Now it would probably just help pull out some of my overly loose teeth, lol.
Try to rest today, but not too much, walk everyday, I know lounging gets boring and walking hurts but that's about all you can do for now. My back is throbbing today I will be thinking of you dear lad I certainly hope things start looking brighter.

Hi Matt, Im new here but not new to pain. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. And that cursed bed lol. I'd go nuts with that. But it sounds through reading through your posts. You are finding a better perspective even though you still hurt. Just remember your not alone. As for your brother I'd like to slap him silly. I'd been there at one point when my hubby was active in his adiction and downed all my pain pills four day after a sugery I just had. It sucks but you are doing the right thing. I am happy you don''t enable him.
Anyways a better day to you and an offer of friendship.

--Ashley

Oh... sorry for my confusion Kaely, my mind keeps blending information lately . I dont know why I thought that.

Hi Matt,

I just wanted to say hello and to let you know that I feel for you. I've been there and I was a SLOW healer. I thought I would NEVER get better....turns out I never did get great, but I did get some better (I guess). I had a fusion of L5-S1, but they SHOULD have added L4-L5 at the same time. It was already showing messed up pretty bad so you know what happened next.

I too have wondered how people can have back surgery and say it was "nothing" or they didn't have much pain. I think so much of it is based on the actual type of surgery they have and how much damage was caused before and during the surgery. I swear dragging those rods down my back into the proper placement caused more problems than open surgery would have. They "said" it was supposed to be easier to have the smaller incisions, but I wish I had had the open surgery where they could have seen what they were doing better.

Honestly many of my "friends" have had back surgeries that went very well and I felt kind of cheated, but I'm sure you will heal well soon and start to have a new life (with sooo much less pain). I know the first few weeks were horrible...honestly the first month and then the second month went pretty great. It was after that that I slowed down again (but I certainly don't expect that for you).

I know you will be on the mend when you get the little guy back for the game!

All my best to you!!!

Take it slow and give it one day or even one hour or minute at a time. It WILL get better!

 

      Good morning Matt! I took a few days off from the forum, and it's amazing how lost I can feel, as we have so many new members posting now these days.

    I read your post here at the top, and remember those days well. This is the deal,...your Dr told you the truth about the pain, and that it may never go away. However it may now not cause any further damage.

     Really though, the first few weeks can be pretty rough, but please give it a while. Five to six weeks in you should notice a lot more molbility and more comfort...but it takes a long time to see where you are going to wind up at pain wise. Most patients cannot accept this...and think the pain should be a lot less in just a week or two. This is not the case with a lumbar fusion.

  Walking is very important, but make sure you do not over do it...and you will know when you have.

     Please keep posting for support...it helps a lot, and especially so with members who have been through this. Patients is the key! ...and a positive attitude is important as well.

   I feel for you...and understand where you are at...but again...give it time, and dont get too discouraged. What you are feeling and going through is very normal. There will be days that you think you are well on your way, and then all of the sudden you will take three steps backwards. Again this is normal. I went back to work as a machinist after being off 8 weeks, and thought it was the biggest mistake of my life. However I had a wonderful boss, and he put me at a desk for the next two months, and even then, he had me doing nothing.

     So...it can take several months to where you are able to function again with limits. You may do very well, but this way way way to early in the game to be looking at where things are going to settle down to.

      Take care, and you can email me anytime for a visit. I would even entertain a call with you, if you have questions.

     SE

 

Good morning (or afternoon) everyone. Thank-you all so very much for being here, it means a lot to be able to talk to someone about everything, and it really does help to get some of these thoughts off of my chest. I've got a few things to do today, but I'll be back on later this afternoon. Thankyou again, and take care.

matt, i am back from vacation now.

hope you are still recovering well.

david in sc