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Posted 9/19/2012 12:12 PM (GMT 0)
Have any of you when taking opiates....does it make your ...uh...drive nonexistant?

I am on oxycontin 30 mg twice a day, lidocaine patch on knee, and a compounded cream for knee.  Once I do the wash, grocery shopping, and sewing checkeredflags during the day...by the time night arrives I am bushed.  My pain has elevated it self and all I want to do is sleep.  Husband has other ideas  though.

He is mad and frustrated with me and I cant help it.

Betsey

Posted 9/19/2012 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
Tell him to do the housework so you aren't so tired. If he doesn't want to help you out, well he'll just have to go without.
Posted 9/19/2012 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
 

       ...yes this can be a common problem, and happened to me while on the 30mg oxycontin. However after the dose was lowered it went away...and when I returned back to the 30mg at a later date...it was not a problem.

    It's not fun for either person, if this is going on...but maybe a med change will help you. I'm thinking you are needing to switch away from the oxycontin because of cost. When and if you change...you may see a difference.

  Take care, and you can also use the search feature...as this has been discussed many many times here.....so there should be some good reading on it for you.

 SE

Posted 9/19/2012 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry, I tend to come across badly at times because I'm very blunt. I have this same problem with another med but fortunately live alone.

Doing all the housework with no help can be exhausting. I was trying to say that I understand the exhaustion. Perhaps you could get some help around the house?

Have you mentioned to your doctor that this is a problem? Perhaps the doc could change your meds?

Have you tried scheduling some fun in the mornings? That way you might not be so tired.
Posted 9/19/2012 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
 

     it's ok Kaely!...I think from a womans point of view this is a difficult thing to get across to a husband at times, or visa versa. I felt badly for my wife, and sought help from my PCD about it. We both went at the same time, and laid everything out there on the table. My wife and I are like that and are able to speak freely about our feelings. Again...not easy for some people to do. It's a difficult subject for some to talk about, and while meds can give us some sort of quality of life back,...it can rob us in other areas as well.

     The best thing might be,... is to see your DR about it and make sure there is not anything else going on.

  Take care,

 SE

     

Posted 9/19/2012 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
I got an appt with family doc on monday. He knows both of us.


I will post about that appt on monday.

Betsey
Posted 9/19/2012 2:27 PM (GMT 0)

       ...thats great Betsey!...hope he can help you both.

       SE

Posted 9/19/2012 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
betsey, yours is a good question.

to answer you directly, none of my meds, including my heavy doses of fentanyl or loratabs, has any diminishing effect on my actual sex drive. however, being wore out and tired and achy, does. my mind might still want to be "frisky", but the body doesn't.

i agree with the woman poster above, since i am mostly home, i do 90% of all the housework, laundry, shopping, cooking, etc, since my wife works as a nurse sometimes 50 hours a week or more.

every night, she comes home to a clean house, hot dinner waiting, and her first glass of wine poured and waiting for her, and the bed turned back like in a hotel. if you think i am making this up, will be happy to provide her e-mail addy.

i try to make it so that when she is home, she is free to rest, or do her crafts and hobbies, and of course, much more physicall interested to get "frisky" if interested.

we have always done everything in a team work fashion, i feel that is what "best friends" should do. i feel for the women that have selfish mates, who sit on their "duffs" and do nothing, yet expect these poor over-tired and wiped out wives to perform like harlots at the click of a finger. I know it doesnt work that way in real life, I realize that perhaps I am not a "normal" guy with this attitude.

but i am smart enough to know what side my bread is buttered on. my wife appreciates my efforts, as she knows that i am doing all that i am doing while working with severe pain and fatigue.

david
Posted 9/19/2012 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
Betsey I will be interested on your doctors comments, I have been wondering if it was just me. I spoke to mine and he did not seem concerned however I admit I did not push it.
Posted 9/19/2012 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
David,

Can you come give my husband some tips, lol? In all seriousness, I think it's wonderful that you treat your wife so wonderfully. That says a lot about you and your relationship. Thanks for sharing :)

--Tina
Posted 9/19/2012 4:35 PM (GMT 0)
I couldn't honestly say if I have a diminished drive or not, being a 28 year old male, you wouldn't think that I would have any problems in that area, but I can tell you that the way I've been for almost a year, I think the pain in my back would really be a pretty large deterrence. And, to be honest, something I've really only discussed with the doctor, I had, and still have some pretty brutal pain in areas that would probably make it near impossible for any kind of performance, physically speaking.

Personally, I haven't had any partners since my ex-wife and I separated over 2 years ago, she had a very large list of problems, mostly mental, but I found myself having to really go out of my way to keep her happy with things around the house, as she did not want to lift a finger for anything, and then, most of the time, I was so exhausted from climbing wind turbines all day, and playing mr mom at night, it was me who was saying no, or wait till I have some more energy.

I do think the pain combined with the desires to not put my son in a precarious situation, has greatly effected my desire for anything. These days, I really just want someone here to talk to and wake up next to, maybe that's just part of growing up, I dont know, but I stopped looking a while ago,, and just don't have the determination to head back out there and try again. It really bugs me that I really don't know what would happen if I was in that situation, with the pains all over, I just don't know, and Im almost ready to say that it just wouldn't be possible at all.

I'm sorry you're going through this Betsy, I hope your husband is showing some kind of understanding, and not trying to play the guilt game with you. I really think there needs to be some more help on his part, so that you might have some days where you're not so burned out, I know how rough it is to feel like you're having too much expected of you, frankly, there were times when my ex wife made me feel like just a total slave, and not a husband at all, and other times I felt so run down with all of the other expectations, I got to where I was getting insulted when she was in the mood.

I hope you and your husband are able to work this out, I'm sure you will be able to figure something out. And tell your husband not to underestimate the power of chocolates, roses, and a spontaneous trip somewhere just to spice things up. Take care, and God Bless.
Posted 9/19/2012 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for bring up such a serious topic.  It's one I have struggled with for a LONG time and have sought the help of several doctors.  Each has had a different opinion, but NONE has had a reasonable answer.  Most tell me that my feelings are just a part of aging.  Many tell me that anything that hurts is going to be rejected by body (and the brain). 

The bottom line was a general concensus that it was too bad that we have NO adult lives.  For a long while, I slept in the guest room to deal with his snoring, but after the domestic issues hand his decision to give up alcohol completely, I allowed him to move back into the house and I moved back into the Master Bed Room.  So far, I don't feel quite so much like roommates, but I HAVE NOT found a restored interest in adult intimacy. 

Good luck my friends.  Please let us know what your Dr says!

Posted 9/19/2012 7:37 PM (GMT 0)
Excellent question, Betsey! And yes, thank you for asking it.

For me, I don't know if it is diminished drive, although I'm not "in the mood" near as much as I used to be, as it is that the meds, shall we say, work on other parts that don't need meds. Some parts of my body don't react or respond to hubby's interest quite the way that they have in the past or the way they should, despite what my head or heart may be telling them.

I do work full time and my husband doesn't. I am one of the lucky ones... My hubby is a lot like David in that when I get home, my coffee is ready for me and I am instantly "off-duty". Now, I don't think he does these things in hopes of what might happen later, because he is very patient with me and is quite happy to fall asleep cuddling (no, I'm not dumb, he can do what he wants when he is alone... As long as he is alone!!! :-P)

When I get home, I am instantly in bed and up and down during the evening, mostly down! I think, for me, it is a combination of hurting so much, being extremely exhausted and the meds working too well where they shouldn't. It's very frustrating, tho... I'm 41, aren't I supposed to be in my prime?!?!?!?!!?!?
Posted 9/20/2012 5:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Betsey:

This a common problem I think with people who have chronic illnesses. My DH and I have been married nearly 28 years. I have to say when we were younger things were great. We had been married 8 years when we had our daughter.

Well we found out that our daughter has Autisim, and she wouldn't sleep anywhere but with me. Needless, to say it put a huge crimp in our frisky time. She didn't start sleeping in her own bed until she was 11. Things improved once DH and I could sleep in the same bed.

I have dealt with health issues our whole married life. I am a very sick lady and really started going down hill in 2008. I think my DH is afraid to encourage any frisky time because of the shape I am in. I take Viagra 3 times a day, and it doesn't affect women like it does men LOL. Anyway, I asked DH if he didn't want me anymore, I have been steroids over 11 years I look pretty bad. He told me No it's not that, but I know how very sick you are and he feels bad for asking, so he dosen't.

There are other ways to be "frisky" w/o causing any pain or struggles. I'm on oxygen 24/7 and turn blue and purple with any slight exercise. I know my DH loves me and is trying to do what's right for me. It's frustrating tho cause you miss out on bond that couples have. We have to be very open and direct about the situation. If your DH isn't understanding maybe you could sit down and have a heart to heart on the subject. If you both can talk it thru you may find something that will work out for you both. Hope your Dr can help with the situation. Wishing you the best.

Hugs,
Barbara
Posted 9/20/2012 6:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Barbara, sorry to put a damper on the seriousness of this topic, but does DH stand for "dumb husband" lol?

I know it probably stands for something else, but that's what first came to mind and it had me laughing for a few minutes before I was able to finish reading. Take care. Sorry for my strange humor.
Posted 9/20/2012 6:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Matt:

LOL, no it's not dumb husband. I call him my, dear husband. He takes pretty good care of me. He's not really the touchy I'm going to show all my emotions kinda guy. But, he's stuck with me through everything.

He keeps a roof over my head and food on the table. He's a toughened retired military guy whose been in combat, so the emotional support that I crave for isn't the best, but he's sticking in and doing what needs to be done. He reminds me often, our vows were "in sickness and in health, till death do us part".

Glad I was able o give you a chuckle tonight. I hope you're feeling better. I know you are anxious to get you little guy back soon. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Hugs,
Barbara
Posted 9/20/2012 7:40 AM (GMT 0)
I've looked into this and was told that anybody on a long term use of opiates is likely to suffer a problem in that area. I told my CP doc and he did a blood test and it came up with my testosterone level at the bottom of the normal range. He prescribed the Andro patch to increase the level to the middle of the scale.I tried for a month and really didn't see a difference so I d/c'd the use of the patch. I figured I didn't need another medication to deal with. My doctor told me it's a big problem but most pt's will not talk about it..
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