When friends and family turn their back

I just lost my best friend because he equals taking pills with getting high. Period, end of story. If you take a pain medication of whatever strength for more than a day or two, you are taking it to get high. I explained the whole pain management contract thing to him, and then he told me the dumbest thing I have ever heard. "What happens if you are in my house and have some sort of reaction and die? They will take my kids away."

I've known this guy for 20 years. I watched him graduate highschool and college. A college graduate thinks this way. I know he destroyed his ankle in highschool while running in preseason baseball training. They gave him something in the ER that he still talks about to this day. He's refused all pain meds ever since, except when he gets kidney stones, and he's got a 3 year old bottle of 5mg something or other that he pulls one out of from time to time for that.

Anyway, that relationship is over because I have the audacity to look for some relief. The problem is that he's friends with my brother as well. It wasn't a problem before, but now it is, because now my brother has told me that I'm no longer welcome in his home because I'm a "drug seeking addict" - direct quote.

Full disclosure: I quit drinking 15 or so years ago. I kicked opiates and benzos at the same time, cold turkey, a couple of years ago. I did that at home. Most people do that in a clinical setting. I had no other option.

So the choice to get back into proper, real pain management has been entered into with months of thought. It's a quality of life thing. Right now, I have none. The only thing I can do with my condition is try to find a temporarily comfortable position. 5-10 minutes later, repeat. That's my day. At least with PM, I'd have a chance to get out every so often, do some of the walking the doctor's been on my back about, go somewhere besides the doctor's office or the grocery store. Those activities right now pretty much wipe me out. I know I have to be more active. Which is the whole point of dropping the pain levels a bit (Not getting hammered) so I can do that.

He and my brother don't see it that way. I'm gonna miss my nephew growing up. I'm gonna miss watching his kids grow up. I'll miss just hanging out with him, and his wife who is one of the most awesome women I know. She's in her last semester of college (She stopped for a while when the kids came) and will be a teacher. I know this isn't coming from her. His mom is like a second mom to me. But they live in like this duplex kind of thing, so I'd have to meet up with his mom behind his back. Crazy.

Or, I can give up this mad idea of pain relief and sleep and be part of society.

I feel like my heart's been ripped out. This is worse than my divorce. This came out of the blue when I texted him about New Year's Eve, since they always have a party of some kind. How on earth can people be so ignorant?

You need to hold your head up high and do the right thing for you. If your a praying person, say a prayer for him, that he may never have to experience the unrelenting pain that makes our lives unbearable without pain medication. I'm a nurse, so I have witnessed first hand, people who are "DRUG SEEKING". They are very very very few and far between.
What most people fail to recognize is that, a pain management program does not equal anything like getting "high". We're doing great when we actually attain decent pain control and a few brief moments without pain (especially that few brief moments without pain).
With friends like that, you don't need any enemies.
Good luck and hold strong.

This is awful, but you did the right thing by cutting him out of your life if he does not understand!

Betsey: He was the one I could count on one hand. I thought the only true friend I had. I'm Godfather to one of his kids.

The sad part is, he keeps telling me he's helping me. Like maybe I'll give up on it and decide this is all in my head. I'm still just flabbergasted. I talked to a mutual friend earlier who has been off work since October with a ruptured cervical disc. The friend I'll call D never mentioned anything to the one I'll call C, and he's on Lortab 10s and Soma. I'm on low dosages of Ultram and Flexaril. Makes no sense.

The friend is bad, but the brother is the worst. My own flesh and blood brother. I'm so discouraged right now. They are trying to stage an intervention because I'm ASKING for options, which may include meds.

Tear <3......hugs to youLC......this just is  not right!!!!   hang in there your a strong man!!!!

LC, he is really not as smart as you are giving him credit for, if he was he would not be acting this way. Some of the things you have shared about him sound childish. Now, is this the same brother that flipped out and uninvited you to Christmas or is this another brother. I remember that brother acting like you were a druggy and said for your to shave your beard if you are coming to my house, I believe was his words, another one of those childish people.

I can only tell you a true friend would not act this way. I do not have time for the people that have the "its my way or the highway" standards. A friendship is not one sided. They should both be telling you how proud of you they are for putting your life back together. I don't know you, but I am very proud of you for doing this, it says a whole lot about you. I don't know you did it without knowing, but you have managed to snag some awfully judgmental people. I am sorry this has happened but you will move on & get past it.

Take care.....Susie

LC, it really does stink that they are treating you this way. I'm sorry, but this is not how best friends or family members treat someone they care about. If they have concerns about what you are doing, they should be willing to sit down and speak WITH you about it. Unfortunately, it sounds as though they are both very closed-minded and those types of people are very hard to talk/reason with. I learned a very long time ago that I had to let go of the 'toxic' people in my life - and yes, sometimes those toxic people can be family members. If I understood you correctly, you got your 'issues' under control quite some time ago. This should be applauded and recognized by the people who truly care about you. It appears to me as though you are approaching your pain management treatment in a responsible manner - and that should also be applauded and recognized. I have zero tolerance for ignorant, arrogant, closed-minded, and/or judgmental people, family or not. I know it is not easy, but you can not let these two have any impact on what you need to do for YOU. Just be honest and up-front with your doctors and follow the treatment plan they give you. And just like you should not allow others to pressure you into doing something you shouldn't do - also don't let anyone pressure you into not doing what you need to do. I hope that made sense! You have to think about yourself right now. Maybe they'll change their way of thinking when they see that you are doing the right thing and sticking with it. Or maybe not. But either way, you will have stayed true to yourself and that is what is most important. Stay strong and good luck!

You can consider me a friend as well. CP patients are misunderstood. We've all been through degrading "jabs" and whatnot before (if we are lucky enough) we have our pain down to a manageable level.
I found out a very long time ago that it's best to keep it between my doc & myself. Friends, coworkers, and unfortunately, family members have a funny way of thinking that they know best. Just know, my friend, that you are NOT alone. There are many of us out there, and know what you are going through.
I stumbled on this website by accident only two months ago, but in those two months, I found more support and helpful suggestions than I have in years.
Take care of yourself and if you ever just need a (virtual) shoulder to lean on, this is the place.

Seems like the only support I have these days are my mother (a retired RN), my dad (A decorated Marine who was wounded in Vietnam and retired as a respiratory therapist) and you guys. And it is appreciated. It's like only people who have lived with CP, or cared for people with CP, know what's going on.

I blame shows like Dr Oz, who has done far more harm than good, advertising products and plans camouflaged as health advice. He is the nation's largest seller of placebos, and even my mother watches him on a regular basis. Mostly to call him on his BS, and Im not saying he does not offer helpful advice at times, but he does have to fill 5 hours of TV time a week.

Tossing away your only brother and your best friend is not an easy step. It has repercussions. My mom is absolutely freaking out over this, and she has gone to bat for me to them, directly, face to face. There's a lot of stuff involved with both of them that I can't get into here, but, it gets complicated real quick. I've already been through a couple of "purges" of those who were no good for me, and these two were the only ones that survived all of that, because they had my back then.

I haven't been this depressed in like, ever. My Psych has upped my meds, and I have a cousin who has recently become a deacon. Even though I'm not especially religious, I figured he would be a good person to talk to. I really didn't pick up anything there, other than to find out that he loves me, but that's always been the case, and it's kind of his job now.

It would be one thing if I had a pulled muscle and a prescription for 100 Lortabs a month. But I'm just looking for a diagnosis and some quality of life. Too much to ask for I guess.

Still blowing off steam. Sorry.

I'm thinking I just need to start over somewhere.

Right now I'm living with my mom and helping her with the bills (I separated from my ex right around the time my stepfather passed away, and I came here. So we are kind of helping each other out). I'm buying my own food, meds, gas, car insurance, renter's insurance, paying for the internet (which we both use), and kicking in for household bills like electricity and water and such. So that makes it not so easy to just start pulling up apartment listings and start loading my truck. Without the money I'm adding to the pot, even though there's no rent and the house is paid off, she's on SS, retired, and that does not stretch very far.

It's a good relationship, we get up at roughly the same time 7-8ish (she's retired, I'm on disability, and we don't set an alarm unless one of us has an early doctor's appointment) and drink coffee in the morning and talk. Sometimes it's noon by the time we think to look at a clock.

She does not have to come home to or deal with a kinda big 3 bedroom empty house by herself, which was a massive concern for her in the days after my stepdad's passing, and I handle all of her customer service issues because I know how to work customer service telephone operators (I was one). I also provide all technical support for everything and help get her the right info for things that need to be done around the house (minor repairs, tree trimming, etc). We work well together. She treats me like an adult, I don't have to tell her where I'm going or anything like that, but I usually do, and she does not have to answer to me.

Without her, I'd be screwed. I've been all around the country, and the San Diego area impressed me the most. I also love NYC. I'd love to live either of those places, start over, new life, new friends, far enough away that it's not running the 6 hour drive to my brother's house that we have now, so missing stuff isn't an issue... But my mother is not leaving south Louisiana. Remember Granny from the Beverly Hillbillys? When they had to tie her and the rocking chair she refused to get out of onto the truck when they moved? Kinda like that.

But if this house floods again like it did for hurricane Rita a few years ago (3 feet in the house, and this chunk of land had never flooded as far as records go back), we aren't rebuilding. The contents are insured, and like I said, I have renter's for my stuff on top of that. The house actually belongs to my stepdad's kids, but she has use of it until her death, or if she were to remarry. If it were to flood again, the kids can have it and do what they want, there are plenty of 2 bedroom apartments we could get by in. It's sort of an unspoken deal that we'll stay together, unless I get married again (which ain't gonna happen. Sorry.), or until she's in a shape that I can no longer take care of her needs and goes to a good skilled nursing facility. It's her wishes.

All that to say, I wish I could go somewhere and start over, but I can't. I'm the oldest child, and it's a Cajun thing that the oldest child takes care of the parents, until more help is needed. It's kinda my responsibility now.

Definitely agree with Susie..I am in a similar situation to where I am helping out my mom with driving her to the Drs., do the shopping, taking care of the house, etc. I also pay my way for everything incluing all utilities, except for actual rent which she doesn't want.

But yes, I am enjoying every second we get to share together as we had some really rocky years from teenager to late 20s. We are extremely close now and have our routines down too for doing our own thing but chatting whenever and then sharing some TV shows that we both enjoy like on Saturdays we watch all the weeks Jeopardys.

Anyway...just wanted to say that this is where it's a blessing to have family who does care and I would try to not let the others (your friend and brother) stress you out too much as you can't force people to understand things. Only have as much communication as YOU want with them and avoid the drama.

I'm sure that somewhere deep down they are just worried about you because of your past but that doesn't allow them to say and do whatever they want that can be hurtful. Just keep doing what you need to do and working with your Drs. where they (the Drs.) understand your addiction issues but know that you deserve a quality of life with pain relief. There are many meds that can help with both things.

We all are cheering you on!