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Chronic pain. Is this really my life

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Posted 1/9/2013 2:54 AM (GMT 0)
I have Chronic Pain and have read some of the posts on this site and need some help. I have had back pain since giving birth to my last child in 2003. I have had 2 failed surgeries since. L4-L5-S1 are now fused with 2 plates and 8 Screws. I am just at the point of freaking out. I have tried everything under the sun before surgery and after. I always thought once the doctors fixed it I would be fine. Boy was I wrong. First of all the day in day out of pain. The holidays the birthdays and anniversary at no point am I out of pain. It's really hard to deal when people don't understand that I take pain meds for pain. I am alone in my pain but I really try not to let it affect my kids lives. I was seeing a PM doctor but he moved and now there is not one in my area. He told me I need to get over the hope of ever helping change what's already done ( the surgery) and cone to terms that this is my life Im only 39. Does anyone have any helpful hints how to have chronic pain but not be really depressed over the thought that this is my life.
Posted 1/9/2013 5:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lynn73 Welcome to Healing Well Chronic Pain Forum, I am sorry that you are suffering so much from Chronic Pain, I will tell you though I think you  have come to the right place! Your not alone with your chronic pain any more, all of us here know what it is like to suffer with chronic pain, and how it has changed our lives! And so you know depression usually accompanies chronic pain, so your feelings are normal. We all have had them, and there are allot of people here and I think there are quite a few that are around your age, so you will have plenty of company. We can't heal you and we can not give you medical advice we are not doctors, but we can lend you our ears and listen to you with caring and compassionate hearts! We can give you what advice that we may have, and our support, some of us have suffered with chronic pain for many many years, and have had to give up our careers and go on disability! So we can relate to your situation and have empathy. This is an excellent place to vent your frustrations, and people here really do listen! Well it is getting late and I have surgery on my lower back tomorrow morning, I just wanted to pop in and say hello and welcome you to our forum!

 

I wish you all the best!

 

White Beard

 

Posted 1/9/2013 6:16 AM (GMT 0)
Lynn

I am so sorry you are suffering like this especially at such a young age. As White Beard said the way you are feeling, the desperation, it goes hand in hand with the relentless pain you are suffering. I am recovering from my third back surgery in less than one year, and I am having doubts if it has worked but I am older than you.

On your own there is little you can do, other than ice or heat ( personally ice makes my pain worse), or even trying a TENS machine. Nothing will take the pain away completely but it may soothe it or in the case of TENS, mask it.

I strongly advise you to try to find a good PM, only they can offer the help you obviously need. Yes, this may be your life now, but I am sure that you won't have to endure the level of pain you have now. There are many treatments out there to explore, but only a PM would offer you the best chance of getting your pain down to an acceptable level.

I am glad you found your way here, as White Beard said you will find plenty of support here. We all have one thing in common and that is chronic pain.

Take care and keep in touch

Jane
Posted 1/9/2013 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lynn -and Welcome to HW! Like you have already been told, this is a wonderful place to come for support, empathy, and VENTING! lol I gather from your post that you have tried other things to lessen your back pain so I won't talk about all the 'modalities' available - you've 'been there, done that' already. But as for your depression (so very common with cp) - have you tried taking an antidepressant? I know it helped me a bit - and it has many others too. I also try to keep my mind occupied with other things - I do puzzle books, beading (jewelry), read when I can concentrate - things like that. Anything to help my brain avoid dwelling on how much I hurt. Speaking of my brain - it's shutting down now, I'm exhausted! I hope you hang around. There will be others popping in later in the morning. Have a peaceful day......
Posted 1/9/2013 11:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome to HW!

I can tell by the tone of your post that you have had just about all you can stand of hurting all day and trying to be a great mom too. I can so understand those feelings. I think the one that finally put me "over the edge" was the day I couldn't cook my daughter's birthday cake and had to ask a friend to do it. It had always been my special thing and I felt like a total failure when I couldn't even do that. That was before I found HealingWell and I'm able to live with my issues fairly well now (not all of them.....I'm a little OCPD)...lol

Anyway, I wanted you to know you are not alone. We are here struggling together. Many of us do have to use medications as part do our treatment plan. I honestly wish I could get back to using the "lesser" ones because I'm tired of living with the constant worry that somebody is going to take my meds away,. I'm sure you understand that too. I also don't want my daughter to have to grow up with her mother on so many "pills". I just want to do things with her like I'm sure you want to do with your children. It is so hard to be the super mom or super dad when you have chronic pain.

I can say that I recently had a spinal cord stimulator (Saint Jude's model) placed into my back ...... By a Board Certified Neurosurgeon...and I am so happy that I did! I am sleeping through the night for the first time in what seems like forever without that horrible ache in the lower back waking me constantly. I can't say too much yet because I've only had it a short time, but I honestly believe this is a major step in pain control for people like us (the post-fusion low back failures). Anyway, it is at least an option to consider.....and I'd get several opinions from "good" doctors before I even considered having the implant. I did at least want to give you something that may help to consider.

None the less, I'm glad you found us and hope you will stay. Thee are some wonderful people here and there is always support just a few clicks away.
Posted 1/10/2013 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for the info and even more for being able to understand exactly what I am talking about. It made me feel better just to read the replies. I know everyone understands that there are good days and bad days with cp and it will be nice to have someone to talk to on those bad days. I wish so much I would have been told about the problems you can still have after having back surgery. I just stupidly believed that they would fix it and that would be it, never did anyone say you could be in worse pain after. I wish I had waited 2 years until they came out with the less invasive plastic discs to replace but I didn't and now have Chronic Pain.
Anyway Thank You to everyone for your replies!!!!
I hope your surgery went well White Beard!,
Posted 1/11/2013 9:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Lynn and welcome to HW. Sorry that your in the rut part of accepting our life with CP and yes most of us at some point go there!

As well most of us have had to deal with that old hindsight is 20/20 too. You have not listed meds so we have no way of knowing but are you on lyrica or cymbalta or any other type pf med with anti-depression qualities to them? It kinda goes with the territory in CP as what in this life we lead wont or dont cause us to be depressed?

Having the forum is therapy in and of itself in so many ways. Here your not judged and we all understand pain and frustration and its not that it takes the place of family and friends its more like it is family and friends of the same ilk.

Everyone here brings something special and unique to the table and the best part is you can take what you need from here and leave the rest for others; your own posts and replies will ending helping others out there.

So glad you joined us and hope to see you often.
Posted 1/11/2013 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
lynn.

certainly understand yoru feelings, its a hard reality to accept.

i am dealing with advanced prostate cancer, it is not going to be cured or go away. got it at age 56 been fighting it for over 4 years, and losing the battle.

along with it, i got some serious CP going on, for 2 1/2 years now. the meds help, but never eliminate the pain. in my case, things are only going to worsen over time, both the cancer and the relentless pain. it is hard for my mind to accept that this is how its going to be for me.

but i never give up hope, perhaps something will be developed or changed to help me, its always possible. and i am a realist, the more i fight my situation, the more i make myself miserable. its better for my head to come to terms of acceptence, as they say, it is what it is.

i am older than you, but still understand your sentiments. for you too: never give up hope.

david in sc
Posted 1/11/2013 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lynn, Welcome to HW

not only do we share the same name, but we also share the same diagnoses, surgeries and symptoms. Yes, I too had 2 failed back surgeries, with plates and screws, and deal with pain on the daily basis. I also have the nerve stimulator that helps a little for the leg and foot burning. I too have tried so many medications that either never worked to began with or after while my body got very immune to it that it eventually was no longer helping with my level of pain. My PM doc now have me on Methadone, which I can tell you, this drug is the most powerful of all pain meds, and it does give you some relief with a few side effects, in which my side affect is anxiety. But I was willing to deal with the anxiety (also take anxiety meds), in order in not have to deal with so much of the pain. It did give me back some quality of life and allows me to do some of the things that I could not do in the past. I mean I too have a small child 7, and I could not enjoy any of the things, needed to do with a child of his age. Most of my life was in being spent in the bed. So do ask your doc if he is willing to change your pain meds. You have not indicated which meds your on or which ones you have taken in the past, so I cannot speak on that at this time, If you may add that I can also give you some valuable feedback. But you have come to the right place here. The people here have really been supportive when I first joined, and believe me, I was a mess at the time.
Posted 1/11/2013 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lynn and welcome to this wonderful forum.

I am 35, and I deal with cp also, and have had daily pain since about 2004. It has been interferring with my life for years...I have back issues...several bulging/protruding disks in my lower back and neck invading my nerve space causing foraminal narrowing etc. etc, facet joint syndrome, osteoarthritis, sciatica, and the most recent development is daily neck pain that feels like I slept horribly wrong but it never goes away. Like you, I have been so depressed and panicking. I just found out how bad the neck issues were a couple weeks ago...and despite having all the other stuff, this was the first time I actually broke down sobbing. I held up ok during the appointment, but as soon as I got out to my car the flood gates opened. I was sobbing and I called my mom and sobbed to her. It is hard to deal with - I can't clean my house or turn my head and barely get through my day at the office each day. I am the breadwinner for my family so to speak, and I am not sure how much longer I will be able to work. It is that bad. Every day when I come home it is muscle relaxers and ice/heat. I have a TENS, a back massager thingy, etc. My pain never goes away.

Being in my early 20's when I first started experiencing the chronic stuff was difficult...people thought I was faking or exaggerating. When I finally got my first MRI the doctors were over the faing part. The best part is I have no injury or trauma to explain what I am dealing with.

I am telling you my story so you know you are not alone, even in the age department. I know exactly how you feel, even though I haven't had surgery yet. I will have to within the next 5 years but am putting it off as long as possible.

I currently take several medications to help manage my pain and this is the only reason I am able to work...I take oxycodone, tramadol, neurontin (gabapentin), skelaxin, and ibuprofen. I get insomnia too due to the pain and have been prescribed ambien but I am scared to take it...

The TENs is very helpful. Alternating ice and heat is wonderful and feels great. Even though I have cp, I love my life. I have a great family, 2 wonderful daughters who help me out so much, a husband that worries so much about me, and a great extended family. When I feel like I am getting too negative about my pain, I try to focus on the good, even if I have to write it down. I call a friend. I watch a good movie. I come here and vent or read other people's stories and try to help them. Hang in there, Lynn. Let me know if you want to chat. ;o)

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