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Posted 2/10/2013 1:08 PM (GMT 0)
So I've had the radio frequency denervation on my facet joint & thankfully got some relief! Oddly enough (or maybe not) my back felt sore in different areas! I guess the facet joint pain was so intense I wasn't really aware of my other pain! I have si problems on my right lumbar (facet is left side), and this treatment is wearing off. Anyway my dr told me to apply for cpp disability, which I mistakenly thought was just part of the process. When I found out it means he doesn't think I can work again - major blow! It took me 2-3 months to even look at the forms. But eventually accepted it. Then my ins company calls & tells me they are gonna call my boss & ask for a sit-down stand -up work station. They also said that since my condition is "chronic" I have to learn to cope with living with it & returning to work is part of that! My dr reports state I'm nowhere near ready to even discuss rtw - yet they are starting to push. Major major mental breakdown. Do they really think this is something I want? Any progress I made - gone with one phone call. I don't know how to go from here...
Posted 2/10/2013 3:50 PM (GMT 0)
I'm no doctor, and I'm not in Canada. It depends on how you want to proceed. I'm not sure what kind of work you do.

If the workplace can accommodate you, and you feel you can do your job, then OK. Give it a try. If the pain is too much, report to your doctor. If your doc is saying you are not ready, a visit to a psychologist to work out some of the issues in your mind may help you reach a conclusion. It's probably not a bad idea anyway, as ongoing pain and psychological issues go hand in hand.

If you really cannot work, every time they send you a letter, see another doctor, with the notes from the previous doctors, and have his opinion backed up.

And yes, if one source of pain is removed, other underlying pain will reveal itself. Like when you are at a concert, and you hear your phone ringing between songs, and realize you missed 3 calls.

As far as accepting being unable to work, that is a tough one to grapple with. Just realize that it does not devalue you as a person or a friend. And also understand that there are people in your life, even family members, who will turn their back no matter how you explain it, so steel yourself for that. It's a good possibility you will lose friends. I did, and I'm sure many people here did too, if they lost the ability to do anything, such as drive, work, do household chores, etc.

You are a human being no matter what, and deserve to be treated like one. Always remember that. Anyone who says or does anything to the contrary is not worth your time and effort.

Chin up. Power forward. We are behind you. Moving a little slowly, but we are there.
Posted 2/10/2013 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nicole, glad to hear you got some relief from the RF. I am sorry to read they are trying to yank you around over the disability. We do have a member here at the forum that is on this disability & maybe she can offer some ideas.

Anyway, hang in there hopefully something good will come of all of this...Susie
Posted 2/10/2013 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nicole, I was also told by my doctor that I would never work again. It was a blow to me also. I eventually just accepted it and moved on. It takes a while to get accustomed to the idea of never working again. I do agree with the other post. I did loose lots of friends ,and family members were jealous. When I was approved for disability, some of my family members that had also applied,that were denied, never talked to me anymore. I guess some people just get eat up with jealousy. I know I would much rather be a normal person. I would rather go to work everyday and lead a normal life, as opposed to living with excruciating pain everyday and on disability. My family members who turned their back on me did so because they are to lazy to work.
I am fairly new to this site but everyone on here are so nice And helpful. It's like having another family. Janet
Posted 2/11/2013 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
I could never understand some of those folks jealousy. How absurd is it to be envious of someone who can no longer do that which they spent years and lots of money obtaining and loving what they did with it for a living. Living being the key word here versus a piddly $700 to $900 or so dollars now to survive on and many trying to raise one or more child on. Not to mention my humble trip to food pantries to supplement all of my under $300 for 2 snap benefits and being forced to see Drs others chose for me and will accept medicaid or medicare,and Im sure they are really envious when my meds have to be changed from something that works good to something we dont know will work at all because they took it off the list that gets paid for or because there wasnt enough money left out of the big SS check to pay for something like meds unless my daughters willing to forego lunch everyday at school for a week out of the month. Oh yea because I make all that money on SSD I only qualify for reduced lunch not free!! So that $1.25 day is better then the regular lunch price of $2.50. If Im a really cheap shopper or get toilet paper at a real bargain some months I can even eat at school on special events with her and can pay the parent price of $4.

Lets by all means make sure to sport my goodwill clothes or the really nice ones I found at the free clothing bank the next time there is a family and friends get together so I can see the green on all their faces. I might even be nice enough that day to share my bargain shopping secrets with them,hey maybe I will invite some of them to go to the day old bakery with me so they can get their kids some sweets this month, I know otherwise those are not included in my budget of those $274 in food stamps.

I dont want you to forget to let them know how heart wrenching it is to have one of your kids need you to go to the school open house or one of their art works is going to be hanging in the cultural arts center in the next town but you dont have a car anymore since all that money wont pay car pays or insurance and certainly not gas or the $50 to renew your license even, so you wont be attending. Maybe it isnt even that,maybe you just at the end of the day are in too much pain to go anywhere or do anything.

I cant imagine being envious of all my surgeries,all the procedures,tests,meds,the trips to Drs and clinics searching for relief and answers.

When they treat you in this manner,when they no longer talk to you for any of those reasons,when they really wish they didnt have to get up and go to work everyday,they simply know not what they wish for.

My life has been waylaid by this stranger called pain and at first I thought I could take it back but after years I know that was all wishful thinking.

I have learned to find other meaningful things to surround myself with and the love of my children and those who do care about me enough to not be jealous of this life Im forced to live is enough now.

I do have many things in my life they should be jealous of but not the reasons they are. If they want to envy me do so for the kind of person I have become since all this happened,for the empathy and compassion it has taught me,be envious of the time I have had to spend with my children and family and friends.

Be envious of me for the many many prayers and hands that have held me up here when I could no longer hold myself up. Feel jealous of me for the ability I have to share here and maybe make someone's life a little more bearable.

This life I have now exacted a high price but if I could do it over again? I look at my 5 children and all that they have become in their lives and know that I would not trade one minute of the way things are and that the price wasnt really too high after all,it was a good trade!!

Dont let foolish people make you regret things as they are,look at this as a new start a new beginning and only you can make of it what you will.

Its best said as the saying goes? It is what it is.

Vickie
Posted 2/11/2013 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
You are so right. When we have a cookout on Sunday, I always get... You are so lucky, you don't have to go back to work tomorrow. I get so mad because I would much rather have to get up on Monday morning And go to work. It seems like people only look at that part of disability. The reasons for the disabilty are overlooked. I guess it's kinda one of those things like,if they don't live with you then they don't see what you go through. Most people don't even realize how bad pain can be. My daughter had to go through her teenage years with us scrimping to buy for her. It took so long to get approved for disability. Anyway, I hope every one is able to have a good day today.
Posted 2/11/2013 3:26 PM (GMT 0)
Wow - thanks so much for sharing. It strangely does help knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings. Yes I would rather be on disability than work, I would rather wake up every morning after a solid 2-3 hours of restful sleep wondering how bad today's pain will be. That's much better. I love feeling guilt, sadness, loss & worthlessness at not going to work. I love the guilt I feel at not being at work to help people. But hey I get to stay home. Scared to leave the house at times, anxiety & panic attacks all the time. Woot woot good times! I know there are "scammers" but it saddens me to treat everyone e that way. I am lucky I have no anger or resentment from family members, just support & patience.
Posted 2/11/2013 4:20 PM (GMT 0)
I also feel guilt. I hate having everything done for. I hate when we have to pay extra for concert tickets because we have to sit in the handicapped section. The way it is for me at home.... I am 43 and I have a 22 year old daughter that is married now. She was home school through high school because I had to have someone at home with me. She did not mind at all. She to this day is still overprotective of me.
about all most 4 years ago my best friend, who was never sick, became ill. Her husband and my husband grew up together. That's how we knew of each other. Then we ended up working at the same place and became best friends. We have always went on vacation together and everything. I was there with her when both her kids were born and my child i think was 6 years old when we all started doing stuff together. We always had that conversation if something happened to either one of us, the other would raise the kids as there own. Well I think people talk about things like that, not thinking it would really ever happen. Well when she got sick it was pre leukemia. I wanted her to be comfortable , so I became her caregiver. That way we would keep each other company. My husband and I moved in with them. I had my daughter and her then fiancée to take care of my house. Well she passed away 1 year and 10 months after I moved in. Now I have two of her kids to raise. The boy is 10 and my girl is 14 years old. They too help me out just like my daughter did when she was younger. We have me, my husband,and their father all raising them together. To me sometimes I think that's why I became disabled. I think it was meant for me to be able to take care of her and then raise her kids as mine. I guess that's why I really don't get sad much about my condition because I'm doing what I was meant to do. I really want you to know that most all of us chronic pain patients go through the same things. You are not alone in your pain. Anytime you need to talk someone is always on here to talk too. Janet
Posted 2/12/2013 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone.. I just wanted to let everyone know about my name change. I was jla1969 and I changed to ga. Peach. It's a little more personable.
I hope and pray that everyone's pain today is controlled and hopefully all is well. I really enjoy reading the posts here. It's really about all I do other than watching tv. It is raining for three weeks and it makes me have that dreary feeling. I will get over it though. Thanks for listening Janet
Posted 2/12/2013 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Janet, that was a very touching story. Thank you for sharing.
Posted 2/12/2013 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you alsoinpain. I am glad you read it. I'm new to the site and haven't really posted much. I am pretty much on here all the time reading what everyone says. Lol. Actually I've have learned a lot too. Anyway thanks for the response. Janet
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