A truly miserable day

David

You more than most have every reason to vent. Your life is hard and very very complicated. Most of us, however bad the pain we are in, would really struggle to cope with what you do every single day. Yes, it's all relative, it's about the way it affects each of our lives.

I know you must get fed up hearing us say how much we admire the way you cope with what most of us will never truly understand. But you are amazing. Many would have given in and lain down to it all, but every day you fight on. Be kind to yourself, I know we all have to push ourselves, but maybe just take it easy. Meetings can be cancelled and rearranged. I think your old boss was bing a bit cruel today. It's one thing to be whiny, but to ask you to drive so far out of your way, well that's taking advantage.

Rain and storms do seem to make pain worse, something to do with pressure. I can relate to that. As I have said before, rarely do we get the extremes of weather you do, but I still notice a difference when it rains or is cold. Winter sees me wanting to hibernate!! Those huge storms and the change in pressure they bring, must be affecting many CP sufferers.

I am glad that you shared your bad day with us. Even writing it down can be therapeutic. Just remember it ok to have off days and feel down and depressed. Most, if not all of us have them. Just make sure if you continue to feel bad, you see your doctor. You have your CRPS appointment coming up soon. Whilst I hope that is not what you have, in some ways it would be good to have some answers to the cause of the unrelenting pain you have. I know treatments for it can be limited but at least seeing an expert in that field will offer you the best chance of finding something to help. I also hope that you get to see this new bladder specialist, who might be able to help with the spasms. There is hope David, not of curing your cancer, but of maybe helping your pain, even if it's just a little. Or even to prevent it getting any worse. Never lose that hope, you have a family that obviously adore you. And all of us here, we truly care. And you have an oncologist who you trust and is willing to go that extra mile for you.

I hope you continue to vent when you feel the need. Venting is therapeutic and all of us have times when we want to let go, just get it all off our chests. Crying is good too, releases that pressure valve of emotions. Don't beat yourself up about either, oh and that saying that men don't cry is rubbish. All of us have emotions. I can see why sometimes you think why it's all hopeless, but it's not David.

Take care, I wish there is more I could offer.

Gentle but heartfelt hugs

Jane

David,

I actually am very pleased to see that you decided to share this vent with us. You try so hard to carry ALL of your burdens alone and I know how difficult that can be. I hate hearing that you are having such a hard time with this pain.

It's totally understandable that you are feeling hopeless, you are coping with multiple health issues. Your cancer has placed your mortality dead center in your life. Not to mention the unrelenting pain that you are having daily.

When the weather isn't sunny, it can really affect us. Your vent was hardly a vent, and I wish I could do something more for you. It's just not fair that you are in the position that you're in. You certainly didn't need the stomach issues on top of everything else.

Your ex boss was quite rude by not listening to what you said. Sounds like he was totally focused on himself. I'm sorry that you had such a crappy day. Then to have the son and girl friend drop by, well you're a better person than I. I think I wouldn't have put on that happy face and instead asked them to leave and visit at a later date or time.

I know you don't want to turn family away. However, you take on way to much at times and it sounds like you really needed that rest today. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that your son would have understood the situation and would have been ore than happy to come back later..

David you recently encouraged me to to lose hope. I want to say the same to you. I hope and pray that your appointment on the 11th with the CRPS specialist will turn out to be a good thing. I'm praying that IF and I don't want you to have it, but IF you do have CRPS that the Dr will be able to offer you something to relieve your pain.

Hopefully, you'll also see the Dr at Duke regarding your bladder spasms and I believe that miracles can and DO happen, and I pray that you will get a miracle real soon.

Please come and vent as much as you need to. Everyone here thinks highly of you and we all admire your strength and will power. You are a strong man David! Please don't feel that you can't come and vent, we all need to be able to share how we're feeling. Keeping it bottled up just doesn't help us at all.

I'll double my prayers for you David, my email is listed in my profile, and I'm more than happy to listen anytime. I hope that tonight you'll be able to get some much needed rest. Hopefully, by now the stomach cramps have settled and you're feeling more comfortable.

I know that the East Coast is due for more rainy weather till late Saturday I believe. If you find that when you awaken in the morning and you feel like you did today. Please email me and I'll give you my phone number and I'll be HAPPY to talk with you. You can say anything you need to, I'll just listen if that's what you need.

Hang in there David, you will get through this rough spot. Something has to give, and I'm certain it's not you yet. I'll be thinking of you through the night.

Hugs,
Barbara

(HUGS) David, it's after 5 am and hoping your sleeping the gloom away. It's the dawning of each new day the lends rise that there is hope in all things David.

All the bad weather yesterday sent the coastal states into one of the nastiest,gloomiest days I've seen in awhile. I found myself sitting here looking out onto the gray dismal ocean falling into one of those moods. It was just that kind of day.

At about 6 last evening I saw a small ray of the sun pushing through and reflecting off the water and that was one of the most beautiful sights. It reminds me that all things have a reason and that as long as I don't lose hope they will come full circle.

You by far are one of the strongest and giving person I know and if ever a vent was deserved I think we will allow it every oh so almost 20,000 posts of allowing others to lean on you.

Im sending all those great positive healing thoughts so that you awake able to see the sunshine through the rain today.

Hi David, I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I just hope you can get some relief soon. I know what you mean about the weather affecting our moods and pain, it bites big time. I wish mother nature was more kind.

I know this is a sensitive subject, but have you thought about trying the MJ that was brought up a while back? Please don't be mad at me for suggesting it, just thought I'd remind you that it could be an option that might help you. I hope you can have a better day today and I am praying for you as always.

Sorry, I deleted it myself.

Post Edited (alsoinpain) : 6/7/2013 8:40:18 AM (GMT-6)

David, I went ahead and deleted it myself, thanks for the heads up. And I do apologize.

thank you, QT, I truly take some comfort in your words.

david

Hello David! I sure hope you are feeling better this afternoon. I really don't have much to add - you know how much everyone here at HW cares about you and we hate to see you hurting and feeling gloomy. I'm just really glad you vented a bit - it's good to 'let it all out' sometimes! I thought of something after reading alsoinpain's post. I know we are not supposed to talk about the 'm-word', but I think I can mention this because it is NOT the same thing. Have you ever considered Marinol (dronabinol), the legal prescription medication? I know several people who have had some success with it - some more than others. It can help with stomach/digestive issues and some types of pain - and even spasms. A dear friend of mine had uterine cancer and it helped with some terrible spasms she was having in her abdomen. Just trying to think of anything that might help you......

Have a peaceful day, David. C:

David

Ditto what others have written.. you are so supportive to so many - not just those of us on this forum. Thankfully this outlet is here.

I finally fell asleep at around 4 am & took some weird comfort in knowing others were also awake ; ) though of course I wish pain on NO one !!

Prayers for a peaceful restful good nite of sleep. And prayers also that you are able to get the financial goals accomplished.

Hey David,
Sorry you had a bad couple days. Hopefully you can enjoy your weekend. I read on your profile that you were a CFO. Did you go to school for business. I work in finance with a degree in accounting.

Hi David, so sorry to hear, hope tomorrow is a better day. You will be in my prayers.

Hi David.
I don't have any of the problems you have, and i understand that talking about things whether it be a rant etc does help your mood. In actual fact they found my bladder cancer by accident. I had been having some I thought was lower abdomen pain periodically but as it wasn't consistent I didn't go to the doctor. I had been feeling a bit feverish too but expected whatever it was I would just shake it off. It got worse over time but the first time I really knew something was wrong was when I woke up one morning to pass water and nothing was coming out and the pain was so intense.

I guess it gives me some idea of how your bladder spasms affect you. Eventually I did manage to pass a bit of water. Moving on a few steps, my doctor got me to booked into the hospital pretty quick as my prostrate was enlarged. The specialist said it was a water infection and that guys didn't usually suffer from them and he said considering my age, (it was three years ago when I was 45) he said its probably that which caused my prostrate to swell and there was therefore probably nothing wrong with the prostrate. I was on antibiotics at that time for the infection. The specialist still wanted to find out what caused the infection so I had all the usual tests but it wasn't until I had the cystoscopy that they saw this growth. I was actually watching it on the tv screen and wondered why they kept zooming in on it. At that stay they said I needed an op to remove it as it could be nothing but it could also be linked to transitional cell carcinoma....basically cancer.

Within two weeks I had the operation and they said I could expect results back within ten days and they would contact me but I would still have to have a check in three months as they can come back. After two weeks I began chasing them for the results. They just said we have you down for a cystoscopy in three months to which I replied yes I know but I'm waiting for the results of the last one. After 7 weeks of this had passed and people saying no news is good news and the fact they never mentioned anything I assumed it was nothing but eventually I got it escalated to a high enough level so I could get the results anyway.

As soon as I went in the room, they just said "well if if you are going to get cancer this is the one you would want as its treatable then she went of into this speech which I don't remember now as I still hadn't got my head round the first comment. Anyway.....I told them how disgusted I was with their attitude and the fact they had kept it from made me believe it was nothing.

Three months later I went for another cystoscopy and straight away I knew it had returned as i saw it myself on the tv screen. I had another op to remove it but when I came round in recovery I had a catheter with this sort of purple liquid. They were actually giving my bladder a blast of chemo directly into it. I suppose the good thing about it going directly into your bladder, there is only a really small chance of absorbing some into your body.

In fact apart from the expected soreness which lasted a few days there was just one day when I felt rough so I'm guessing that was may e the chemo. Since then my following cystoscopy didn't show any tumours but there were a couple of areas of concern they wanted keep a check on so couldn't say was clear. They just said I needed to go back in 6 months. However 6 months later it was clear so I'm putting it down to the dose of chemo working. I just have to have a yearly check now to be on the safe side.

So.....after all of this I guess you could say I was lucky to have the water infection as I wouldn't have known about it. I live alone and throughout this, I could talk openly to people about it sometimes but the only people I had difficulty talking openly about it to was my family which is why i relate to you venting on here. I was stressing about things myself and i felt couldn't cope with them worrying or getting upset or asking me about it every two minutes.

As far as bladder cancer goes mine was in the early stages but I know someone else who had it much worse than me. He had lots of tumours and had to go in for chemo straight into his bladder a few times but he too is fine now. I hope they get everything sorted for you. Literally all you can do is put yourself in their hands and chase them to do something. On top of everything and the chronic pain, you definately overstretched yourself and pushed yourself too hard so don't worry about venting :).

I'm on the butrans patch for my pain which has made a difference but i still have to limit my activities and be careful as it doesnt make you pain free.i hope you get a restful weekend. Take care.



(I took the liberty of splitting up your post into smaller paragraphs, so that members with poor eyesight and or tracking problems could read your post easier. We ask that members please try to limit each of their paragraphs somewhere between 5 to 7 lines of information.) Thanks! SE

Post Edited By Moderator (Screaming Eagle) : 6/8/2013 8:10:39 AM (GMT-6)