Wow. I've read this thread a few times to try and digest all the information you've shared. I'm beside myself with the conflict you must feel, and my heart goes out to you, and your Mother, and I thank God that she has you to care so much for her well-being.
Many doctors equate "existing" with "quality of life," and do not make a distinction.
I am just tossing ideas out there, but,....has she seen a gerontologist at all? I'm not suggesting any particular type of treatment, but perhaps for another opinion, seeking out a qualified physician who specializes in the treatment of the elderly would, at least, have vital input to help guide you, and may even have suggestions.
Their specialty is so specific, to take her age and condition into consideration, as opposed to a neuro or ortho who may just view first the condition, second the procedure, and third her age.
Getting someone in there familiar with working with an older adult with multiple issues might be at least a good place to get some type of review.
I have severe stenosis, and on 12/12/12 I underwent back surgery where I had laminectomies, spinal fusions, but they also did decompressions on my entire lumbar spine because I was within weeks of losing control of my legs and my bowel and bladder function.
I am 50 years old. And I've also had two total hip replacements (within a year, plus the back),....and I want to share something with you: The recovery from decompression surgery is extremely intense, the pain is severe, the rehab is grueling, and the fragility and integrity of stability is severely compromised.
And I'm not in my 80's. It was the most painful surgery/experience (well, to date anyway),...
I'm stating this so you and she have an honest understanding of what POST-decompression surgery rehab is like.
I'm wondering if ablation might be an option for her, especially because it's less invasive than doing all those decompressions, you/she could recover without, I would assume, the introduction of narcotic medications.
Ultram is an exceptional medication. Has she tried it? I cannot take it because of other meds I'm on currently, but when I did take it, I swear by it!
Please keep us updated. I'm very interested in how you and your Mother will decide to move forward with this.
M.