Pain Is Not A Lifestyle http://www.healingwell.com/community/emoticons/nono.gif

I have been down, because of my age (33) and my chronic pain. EMG tests for the last 4 years show that its here to stay. For me- the kinds of places I go for treatment- I see people twice my age coping with pain, and treatments. I get easily discouraged. Meds have rendered me useless in my career. and sometimes in my home life. (ok a lot of times)
It is so weird. These cycles of pain, when I feel like I "have won" and suddenly the pain knocks me on my behind. Or I have to pretend I'm feeling just fine- to not get other people down. But I show it on my face. I guess I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. "are you ok" or even the offers to massage the spot where the nerves are killing me- how people cant understand that there is sometimes nothing I can do, or anyone can do when those intense deep nerve pain attacks come. And those days when I feel good enough to set goals and start on projects. "maybe if i keep my mind busy" ugh. I take meds and run out of meds, and HATE meds, and want meds, and think I can do it without meds. and change meds all the frekken time cuz .. in those pain places we go- I see and hear what addiction and side effects are doing.
Then the depression...leading to rambling letters and posts to myself mostly- cuz i chicken out. I dont want anyone to see me suffering. pushing away my wife, and kids... then holding them toooooo close when I think I'm gonna die soon. Its hard. But once in a while I use my brain and remember that I have tools. Boundaries, Choices, and love and support.
stay strong. embrace the pain.

I struggle with the part of me that was taught to tough it out and that pain meds are bad. I've seen chronic pain people be very hurt by medical people making them feel like addicts when they are truly suffering. I have to take my pain meds now because I have no choice I have so much pain in my legs. I hate it but have to accept it at least right now until there is a cure. I have lost so much because of this and people are so unkind but know there are people who truly understand and don't judge. It really helps to know we are not alone in the pain or the need for some relief.

I completely agree with you,...the benefit of this forum is multi-fold. None of us chose to be in this predicament, we don't *want* this so-called life-style, but hey, here we are, we have it, and let's get on with it.

It does bother me when people come down hard on CP'ers suggesting they just suck it up and take an Advil. They sincerely do not understand where we're coming from. Here, at least, you'll find that support from people who live this life every single day,...and get on with it.











M.