need to confess

So I orginally posted that i need to confess to my fellow CPers that I made a pretty bad mistake for a few weeks. At times, I was taking 2 of my BT pain rather than just the one, and there were times when I was literally screaming in pain, with going to ER being the only other option, I took 40mgs of the hydrocode at one time.

I could make excuses like i know my bodies tolerance, and whatever else, but point is I made a mistake, and I take responsibility for that.

My reason for posting (and it was much more detailed than this), was more to ask you,
What do you do when your in a hell of pain? When you are so tired of every waking moment being filled with what feels like 100's of wasp stings, and dipping your arms in battery acid plus too many other things to mention, how do you get through your day?

I do use things like essential oils, massage(as tolerate), epson salt baths, energy medicine, mindfulness, therapy, creams, other meds that are not narcotic, you name it. Maybe i'm not doing so well at coping using said things, but for me, it came to a point that i wasn't living, i was just living in Hell on Earth, so at the time, I wasn't able to see the concequences that may come of my actions.

I just wanted to give a basis of what this is all about, and please, NO MORE rude comments, I take the boot in the arse, message heard loud and clear, but I do not need to made to feel even worse as a person.

Post Edited (AngMichelle) : 9/4/2014 7:52:50 AM (GMT-6)

I understand how you feel when that BT pain is just more than you can handle. To be honest, in those situations for me, I do find that Motrin helps.

Also, is medical marijuana an option for you? Legal in your state? I recommend it, it saves me often when I've got issues with BT pain, which I usually get a LOT of when it gets to the few days before changing my patch. My PM doc is fine with using MM as long as you're licensed, which I am.

I agree with Vickie :( You could be royally screwing yourself here. And do think about that if you keep doing it, you'll have NO pain meds ever. Certainly the hour or so of discomfort you'll have for your increased BT pain is a lot easier to handle than an entire life with no meds at all. I do understand how hard it is.

Very well said Vickie. I am a firm believer that the self medicating & trying to justify it by saying you are in pain is a just wrong. There has been numerous times in my life that I was suicidal trying to juggle work & living with CP but one thing I did not do is self medicate.

Yes, it does affect more than one person. Look at where pain mgt is today. It is so controlled & rigid & pain mgt is going to get a whole lot tougher than it is right now. This did not happen over night because the DEA is involved. People are kidding them self if they want to believe that. When you mention the words chronic pain it is like a bad taste in their mouth.

Think about it people before you decide you know more than the drs do when it comes to how much medication you want to take. It will come back & bite you.

Please understand that what many of us are trying to do is educate you. Especially because you are young and this journey is a very long one.

Our lives revolve around contracts, urine tests, pill counts, our entire lives are scrutinized as are our prescribing doctors.

We have to learn to trust our doctors and they need to be able to trust us. When we do not follow the prescribed course, it reverberates throughout the entire CP community. It will affect your life, for the rest of your life, and it has the potential to affect all of your doctor's pain patients.

This may come across as chastisement, and well, it is in a way, because we CP'ers have fought very hard to get the modicum of relief we struggle with, (which for most of us is so bare minimum we still clench our teeth on a regular basis)....but we must make do. We have to.



Please also understand the problem is not at all that you confessed. Confession in and of itself is something every human being does and it's cathartic. It's not the act of confession, and it's not that you shared personal information.

The problem is the behaviour that you presented has severe consequences. The Mods here have given me a boot in my patootie on several occasions because I've pushed the envelope and put myself at risk (by doing things after my one -- or two -- of my surgical procedures that I really had no business doing).

But The Boot serves a purpose. If it's made an impression on you and saves you from ever doing anything like this ever again,...then even if you feel yucky reading these responses, The Boot has worked.

It's better you hear it from one of us and have space and time to head things off,....than it is to get caught in the middle of the mire and have your doc cut you off. In all likelihood, The Boot may well have saved you from getting yourself into trouble so deep that there'd be no point of return.

I still have boot prints on my hiney and take it from one of the recipients, that there really is a method to the administration.....











M.

I finally had to leave my old CP help site after 6 years due to its turn towards Harm Reduction (read drug seekers wanted). It was awful, thanks mods.

I have had chronic shoulder dislocations , for years and reduced them
myself when necessary. I lived with a frozen shoulder, muscle atrophy, the loss of
using my hand, arm and shoulder after RSD set in. I live with chronic spinal cord injury , and have never once self medicated, or taken more than I am prescribed.
Once your shoulder is relocated, the pain is as well. The harness holds your arm and shoulder in neutral when used properly with the binder.
Living with chronic pain is challenging and frustrating , but self medicating your frustration is wrong, no matter how you slice it.
If you can't cope, then you need the support of a good therapist to help you develop better coping skills.
The bottom line is that there is no excuse for doing what you did. You are lucky
you didn't wind up overdosing.

I take the "boot" graciously, and thank you for it. BUt some people aren't' doing it out of education and kindnness like you mods have. so can we just end this please? I"ll be glad to talk to any of you personally, and would appreciate any respectful, compassion advise on how to get through the really hard unbearable days.
BUt please stop the post telling me how i should feel, how my pain should be, that i'm a disgrace to SSI/medicaid, that I ruin it for "real CPer" and anything that doesn't have a real intention to "hep".

well, I'm done. I hope you theory if it keeping someone else from making the same MISTAKE, will be true.

Angie' I think you have even through enough of our comments and for us to continue using you Asa whipping girl is pointless. Did you know that they actually had whipping boys for the royalty? They would be whipped in front of the little prince for the princes misdeeds. . . . Q

If someone is still in severe pain with pain meds and their dr won't increae the dosage or they can't afford it, they need to find non medication ways on managing their pain. The combination of medications & non medication pain management works best.

No one used you for a whipping boy, but you were told the truth. Some of us have been dealing with chronic pain far longer than you have, and have learned some things about living with it, during our journey's.
One thing about forums is that when you put things out there, you are saying that you are ready for the feedback you get, positive or negative, and if something makes you angry or upset, there is usually something about what is being said to you that you need to think about.
You asked if others who live with chronic pain take more medication than they are prescribed, and I answered you that no, I don't. Never have and never will.
While I may not be aware of your specific condition causing your shoulder dislocations, I do KNOW what it feels like and what it is like to have grown men relocating the shoulder. I also know that once it is relocated, the pain, numbness and tingling leaves. I lived with it for years before I had surgery, then had to deal with it post op, as well as the complications from the surgery.
Stupidity has nothing to do with overdosing, it has everything to do with most of the time it being accidental, and resulting in someone's death.
I'm sorry that you are taking offense to people telling you like it is, but as I said to you in my previous response, if you are finding that you can't cope with living with chronic pain without resorting to self destructive and harmful behavior, then seeing a therapist might help you to develop better coping skills.

We are not so much talking to you anymore as we are attempting to get the word out!! Yes you were wrong,and yes I think you didnt think and now you will hear those voices of all of us here when your reaching for the meds,right?? I hope you can salvage your count this month and prevent a disaster from occuring since your looking at surgery and once you have been flagged it matters not because they still will not help you pain wise to any great extent.

I could have deleted my post to you,yes but It would not have mattered since I would not delete any of the others and certainly not one of the mods. That is just not the way we do things. Yes we respect others treatment options or none unless there will be drastic fallout from your choice of and then we are certainly going to try to lead you in a better direction.

We spend so many hours of posting trying to help those who did not come here to confess first and that is the reason we came at you full force. I cannot count the posts through the last 6 years that read something like "PM dropped me", I ran out of meds too soon" Help in horrible w/ds" and how really helpless we are in those situations. We can tell them to get some immodium,ask for clonidine,take hot baths,use benedryl for restless legs,motrin for pain but we know that nothing we say is going to have much effect and nothing we can tell you is going to help you find a DR to treat you. Nothing once it is done it is done and its really really disheartening for us because this is a support forum and each know pain as our friend and we each know what that pain means in its raw form without aide of meds.

If this thread stops just one person and even if its not you,then it has served HWs motto. I can stress enough here for those of you reading that are in this situation to seek the help of a therapist who specializes in chronic pain. There are techniques used in PM to help divert your mind off that pain for just awhile and teaches you how to minimize its importance in your thinking and when it isnt huge in your thoughts its not so huge in the big picture. Learning how to live with pain,not just being a CPer is vital to your quality of life as well as anything else you do. Its so easy to grab another pill because we dont want to forget what it feels,like to well feel normal but that will only work in the moment and we have to look at living with chronic pain in the long haul.

If anyone feels their pain isnt being controlled adequately after trying everything else you can then talk to your DR,its his job to help you find answers,not just write meds. If your DR doesnt take the time to talk to you and help you then find another because your doing yourself,your family,and your future a great disservice seeing one that has only a script to offer. Me as well as the other mods here preach constantly about knowledge being power and advocating for yourself to achieve a higher quality of life and we firmly believe it takes a great team of Drs,therapists,surgeons,nutritionists,whatever you can assemble to accomplish that,working together with you to find the right fit. This wont happen overnight or even over a year but it will happen when all this comes together for you and you understand "living with chronic pain".

I think we had an opportunity to get the word out here and we did just that. This is your chance to ask questions,seek answers and advice rather then walk away from a great opportunity why not use it to get ideas,make notes for your DR,and and looking into some of the modalities we are preaching at you to try first??

I agree with Whitebeard. time to forgive and forget.....

Ang, so sorry you felt attacked!

Time for Susie/Straydog to put a lock on this...