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It Isn't All In My Head

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 3/19/2015 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
I hope none of you have the type of family member I am about to describe. They kind that will act like they care and act concerned about your test results but then continue to say how there is a great possibility it is all in my head and I need to accept that and stop bothering with the doctors time. I seriously do not get these type of family members, it is fine to think that. I have learned people will always think what they want to anyway, but it is another to say it to our faces. The chronic pain I go through everyday is very much real and honestly I wish I wasn't in so much pain all the time and I wish I didn't have to go through a "drawer full of spoons" just to daily tasks. It is what it is and I survive and I learned to live with it. I am just sick of other people thinking it is in my head and with a better attitude will feel better.
Posted 3/19/2015 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
What does "a drawer fulls of spoons" mean..is this an analogy?
Posted 3/19/2015 3:46 PM (GMT 0)

laurabelle1 said...
What does "a drawer fulls of spoons" mean..is this an analogy?

For me it means that like a kitchen drawer, you can only use so much silverware before you run out, and for me I run out quicker than most people. Even the simplest tasks can use a piece of silverware and throughout the day you use another and another until you are left with an empty drawer and no silverware left.
Posted 3/19/2015 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
It is impossible for someone who hasn't lived with chronic pain to understand it. When the worst pain they have had can be relieved with a few tylenol and they don't miss a beat, they expect everyone else to be the same way. A person's perception is limited to their reality. For example, it is impossible for someone who hasn't had a child to know what labor and delivery is really like.
Posted 3/19/2015 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
I think we all have people like that in our lives and the way I like to deal with them is to explain in away they might understand.

I give them an example like-Think about what you do and how you feel when you smash you finger with a hammer or stub your toe or even a simple paper cut-You grab that injured area, curse, scream, jump hold tight as the pain eases and you go on about your day-Now think about that same pain-but it never eases-it never goes away-how long do you think you can scream, jump around holding on to that injured part before you are wore out, hoarse...etc.....That is what I deal with non-stop daily-the pain medication help ease that pain so I can tolerate it and have some quality of life-albeit with limitation-but it never goes away....
Posted 3/19/2015 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
The spoon theroy can be found here, in short you are given 5 spoons a day. Each tasks you do, takes up a spoon, once they are gone you can't do anything more. Or something like that, lol. It's a good article.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
Posted 3/19/2015 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
I have a sister who I think is afraid that if I have a 'weakness' she may have it too. Her defense mechanism is to deny it, in herself and in her siblings. She has asked me if I am tired of suing for a living (referring to my workers compensation cases) and living off of the government!? I have not answered the phone much when she calls. She doesn't suffer what I do and cannot comprehend. It's like me trying to have a conversation with someone from another country. Even with hand signs, we just cannot communicate with understanding. That's why I come here, instant understanding, even if the diagnosis is different.
Posted 3/19/2015 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
I think most of us understand.  Ironically, I just endured a "visit" from my sister.  I am a person who welcomes all visitors, given advance notice.  I didn't get it.  She called the night before, announcing her arrival the next morning for an extended visit.  She KNOWS that I am in HELL right now, unable to host anyone.  I should have said "NO...this isn't a good time for me".

Yet she KNOWS this...doesn't care. She came in with all of her gear (which she expected me to unload) because she doesn't need to "lift".  Huh?  I'm practically crawling to survive...Do ya wanna ride?  She was constantly complaining of her poor health and her "can't do attitude" (helplessness).  She was needy and demanding, all while whining "You don't have to do that". Huh?  Who else was going to "do that"?

Meanwhile, I look like a "walker"...unable to eat, sleep or poop...literally...clawing my flesh throughout night sweats and near nervous breakdown. The Fentanyl patch I am trying is not easing my pain.  I cry out in pain when I MOVE. I am usually a master of the happy face facade...until I was plagued with Shingles.  My tolerance level was 0, so my pain and frustration was evident.  Honestly, she NEVER even asked how I (or my DH) was feeling.  She was self-obsessed with her "ailments", yet presented with a hearty appetite and a need to be catered to and entertained. 

She is FAR better off physically than I've been in YEARS.  I refuse to be defined by my pain and health issues.  I do not seek sympathy, especially from my family.  I have the lowest of expectations for their "empathy", yet continue to be disappointed. 

I can feel EXACTLY what you're feeling.  This same sister has said such heartless things to me over the years.   She once told me that Motrin was all anyone needed for pain. Huh? All of my teeth are porcelain crowns, yet I have pain from bone loss in my face.  She asked me why I didn't just have all of my teeth pulled, get dentures and forget about it?  Huh? 

Stay STRONG as best you can.  We're here for each other.

~~Dixie

Posted 3/19/2015 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
Dixie, the next time she wants to come tell her she will have to take care of herself, you won't be able to be of any assistance. If you don't put your foot down and make sure no one steps on it, they will continue to run over you. Being a sister, Mom, wife, daughter,etc doesn't mean being a doormat.
Posted 3/19/2015 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, M&G...So true. 

I allow myself to be USED by my entire family.  Unless one is BLIND, they must SEE that I need help...though I never ask for it.  IF I did ask, they wouldn't have a problem with saying "NO".

I don't wish to hijack Pinkie's thread, but I deeply appreciate your thoughts. I've not posted in over a week because HER "visit" almost put me in the hospital...dejavu=(

Hugs~Dixie

Posted 3/19/2015 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
Dixie6, have you ever seen something with your eyes but it doesn't register that you're seeing it ? Like if you're looking for your keys and you find them on a table you've been looking at all day. It isn't just "seeing: something it is comprehending what you see. And people like your family don't want to comprehend what they see.

When you sister comes, as long as you do the things you do for her, she views that as you being able to do them. That old saying "actions speak louder than words" comes to mind. Saying we can't do something or that it makes our pain worse, but we go ahead and do it makes it look like we can do the things we say we can't and that cause us more pain. Know what I mean ?
Posted 3/19/2015 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Dixie, they have hotels for that. Suggest it next time she's 'in town'. She's an adult. (As are you, which means your house your rules!!)

These are the threads that make my lonely 'only child syndrome' totally bearable. Thanks! ;)
Posted 3/20/2015 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
IS IT A COINCIDENCE THAT WE HAVE great stories about crazy family members? I could tell some and your heads would spin around!! I just learned from a niece that when I was in high school my mother covered for me when I went on ocean cruises with my rich boyfriends so my father wouldn't find out!!! darn I had a good time and didn't even know it!!
Posted 3/20/2015 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
pptrsha1, LOL. . I thought that only happened in my family. . LOL.
Posted 3/20/2015 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Pinkie.Singer/Songwriter.Awesome.I play acoustic guitar and do my best to Sing.It it weren't for that outlet I'd be crazy.

My soon to be 80 yr old Mom thinks I ought to have Lumber Surgery and a Knee Replacement today.

I'm putting them off til I have to.

They never quite get it.They go from thinking you ought to grin and bear it to thinking you should have major surgery.

Just take care of you so you can be there for the ones that need you.

And keep making music.

Take care and God Bless.

Rick
Posted 3/20/2015 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Here's a good one for everyone, kind of a twist regarding a family member accepting your condition and pain.

I have a sister who literally will "compete" to justify her ailments and just ignore or cut me off when it comes time to talk about mine. What is up with that??? For instance, if I start to tell her that my lower back is really hurting today and what I have tried to make it feel better, she will immediately interrupt me and say something like well, my back is much worse because I went to the doctors and he ordered all these tests and now I might have to have this done and that done. So I say, what is wrong with your back, what did your tests show - she won't have an answer for me. She will say I don't know the terminology and I can't explain it like you can sissy. So I say, read the report - I don't have it.

Do you get the picture? This happens with everything, no matter what it is, no matter how serious it is! I often sit back and wonder, what drives someone to be like that? What is it that interferes with them given and accepting some compassion for a family member to be enduring life changing conditions?

So yea Pinkie, I can totally understand how insensitive and frustrating it can be for you with your family.

Hugs from Texas,

Pam
Posted 3/20/2015 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Man. WOW are those folks needing attention and lots of prayers!

I'm sorry that folks are getting to deal with all that gunk.
I'm graced to have THE most compassionate, loving sister on the planet. (LOL....She got all the good genes, trust me on this one!) I'll be sure to give her a tighter squeeze (if even virtually--she's on the west coast and I am NOT *sniffle*) and let her know how blessed I truly am TO have her.
(She'll undoubtedly wat to adopt you all...LOL)

Hang in there ladies and gents.
Perhaps they truly ARE the 'sicker' ones?

*hugs*

(Geeze....I can NOT spell today!!)
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