Too much pain to live

When does someone reach a point where theyre just so overwhelmed with so much pain (non cancer) but otherwise healthy that its just better to die or suicide?

I waited a bit more than year with this pain. Now in a month Im sure I will get surgery to see why, could be sooner. But the pain is so much now that I don't know how I can even last myself that long.


Upjo, I have edited your post. It is against the forum rules to discuss self harm or suicide. I urge you to get professional help immediately.

Post Edited By Moderator (straydog) : 5/21/2015 9:26:51 PM (GMT-6)

Respectfully, that is your decision but I would like to ask you to reject even the thought of giving in to the pain monster that way.

You sound like you are in an emergency situation and I implore you to present it as an emergency to your care givers and if they are not available go to an emergency clinic and tell them of your pain and thoughts of how you are thinking of dealing with it.

You have a right to guide your medical care and need an advocate to stand with you. Get that overwhelming pain controlled so you can make clear and informed choices.

Bless your heart and reach out now.

I live in intractible pain every day (i.e. pure agony) that only high doses of opiate medications will help, but after relocating from CO to NY recently, I've had a very hard time getting my medications. I ran out of medication today and am starting my 4th (or 5th or 6th) withdrawal with all of the awful pain that goes with it, so please believe me when I tell you I know exactly how you feel.

What you need to remember is that there is hope. Go to an emergency room and tell them how severe the pain is and that you're having major issues making it to your surgery and are in intractible pain and need help. Harming yourself is never the answer. There are always people that will help (like on here) though they're often hard to find. You need to be your own advocate and fight for what you need. And fight and fight and fight!!!

I hope the time passes quickly for you. There are times I've been more excited about an upcoming surgery than a vacation.

I wish I knew something I could say, some type of advice, to make things easier for you, but all I can say is that I think I understand how you feel :(

rocckyd said...
I hope the time passes quickly for you. There are times I've been more excited about an upcoming surgery than a vacation.

I wish I knew something I could say, some type of advice, to make things easier for you, but all I can say is that I think I understand how you feel :(

Thanks. My previous surgery was for a kidney blockage, by the time of my surgery it was completely blocked, but even than I managed to live 3-4 months with that pain because I wanted to avoid surgery, my big fear was general anesthesia.( The pain was like having kidney stone everyday because instead of a stone, my blood vessel would press on my ureter and cause a kink so urine couldnt drain.) I tolerated that pain better because even though it was more severe but it was intermittent, only when I drank.

I could have had endoscopic kidney surgery and avoid this mess but because of that blood vessel in the way, I had to have it via abdomen.

This pain on the other hand is constant dull ache, I totally feel weird in that area like there is something underneath, constant nagging, sometimes I want to get a big knife and cut myself there to see what is inside causing this huge discomfort. Sometimes I wish I had any other disease but not this pain. Thankfully, Im feeling little better pain wise today.

Even though I have big phobia for surgey esp general anesthesia, still Im also more excited about this surgery than anything else in my life.

Post Edited (upjo) : 5/24/2015 1:40:04 PM (GMT-6)

Upjo I've always been one where ever hunted or seen a animal in pain believed in ending its suffering as quickly as possible 20 years ago involved I motorcycle accident had compound right femur leg lying behind me Bone e stinking out of my blue jeans about 9" this felt like a hang nail compared to whAt I deal with today 18 months and three surgeries later leg was fine and off the opiates now 4 years later spine hurts worst than time of accident I haven't pulled the trigger yet so you better not as well

You will be surprised just how much pain you can take.

One time I was having a real bad time with the chronic pain after doing some physical work. I figured out then that it had been 4 years of pain and at the time I decided I could probably make it 4 more years if things stayed the same. Well, everything got worse but I am working on my 20th year now.

Upjo, this past year was not a waste. First of all, you have helped me more than you know. That FACT is NOT a waste! My pain causing conditions truly are hopeless in the sense that there is no surgery or treatment that can correct them. I am 'surgeried out'. Your perseverance and determination give ME strength to make it through each day.

Second, look at what you have discovered about yourself through this. You are stronger than you think and I'm sure you are viewed as stronger than anyone could have imagined! Even with your pain, you are compassionate toward the rest of us!

As for your apprehension toward surgery with anesthesia, I can totally understand that! Does it have to be general? I was thrilled when I was told some of my surgeries could be done with 'twilight sleep' instead of general. Still, just getting the I.V. gives me the heebie jeebies. One time, they had the flow too fast and I started to black out! They had to put me in Trendelenburg position for about half an hour and take my vitals every 5 minutes before I finally stabilized! Not counting tooth extractions under anesthesia, I've been under in one form or another 15 times! I joke that the next time will be for something useful like either a tummy tuck or a face lift!