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How do I talk to my pain doctor?

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Posted 4/25/2016 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hello to everyone . . . What a blessing to be able to ask you this question. I have no one else to ask. I am 61 year old woman and have posted previously. I have a 17 year old son and 22 year old daughter. My husband and I have been married 40 years. I do not remember ever feeling very well, but I got along. But now the pain has escalated to the point that I am shaking and nauseaous. Excuse my spelling, just trying to get this out. There was a time I wanted to live to be 100 to enjoy my children and their children and grow old with my husband. But now, I am a burden to them all. They love me, I know, but they verbalize their agitation with my non-participation in their lives. My daughter has a fear of driving and every day I drive her across town to her college. She will get over this. But, I can barely do this anymore. My husband still works. I do not know what we will do without my help. I need pain medicene to get through each day. I have find myself wishing I had a fatal illness. I cannot see a Psych as I went that route many years ago as I came from a very violent childhood home. It is hard for me to put this in words. I have been through determination to no avail. I am just so tired and just want the pain to go away. I do not see the quality of my life improving the way I am. Possible with the medication, I can focus on my faith and family. I am wondering if anyone has any experience with medical marijuana? I feel like I have lost my faith. Hollow . . .
Posted 4/26/2016 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
What pain medications have you tried ? Sometimes it take a while to find the right combination of pain meds to help manage our pain. Is Medical Marijuana legal in your state ? If you are seeing a pain management dr be sure and check with him before trying marijuana because testing positive for it on a drug screen could leave you without a dr to help you manage your pain.
Posted 4/26/2016 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hello again Rhonda & welcome back to the forum. First, let me ask you if you are seeing a pain mgt dr? If so, then you probably signed a Contract with him. If you are not seeing a pain mgt dr, then by all means insist on your dr referring you to a pain mgt specialist. Their specialty is treating pain & yes you should have quality of life.

You asked about medical marijuana. Its very expensive & most people cannot afford it on a consistent basis & no it does not get rid of the pain. In other words they still take their pain medication with it. Is it legal in your state? If you are under the care of a PM dr & have a signed Contract with him you need to find out from him if he is ok with his patients using it. Otherwise if it shows up in a UA he can kick you to the curb & there would be a good chance no other dr would take you on as a patient.

To be honest with you & I am not trying to be rude but your kids are at the age that they are old enough to do for their self. And you should not feel guilty over it either. Look at it this way, if something were to happen to you this moment, how is this daughter going to get to college in the morning? Do her a favor, either she make arrangements to ride with someone else or she drive herself there.

You are also at the age where you should be slowing down & enjoying life & not be jumping to make everyone happy. It is not your fault that your health is preventing you from doing things you want to do, so quit beating yourself up over it & allowing others to make you feel guilty. I am 62 yrs old & am done doing all of that crap & I do not feel guilty.

I hope you can get some help.
Posted 4/26/2016 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
Your children are old enough to do things for themselves. If we continue to do things for them that they won't do for themselves, we are only hurting them. Your daughter need to get psychological help for her fear of driving so she can get over it. As long as you are driving her, she has no need to get her license and drive herself.

Have you thought about applying for disability ? Although if you are still able to wok, it is doubtful that you would be approved. You can get Early Retirement at 62, if you have enough work credits, but it is reduced for the rest of your life.

Retirement-Benefits By Year Of Birth-

/www.ssa.gov/planners/retire/agereduction.html
Posted 4/26/2016 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Rhoda.Wow.Sounds like you're kinda overwhelmed with everything right now.

I have to take pain meds every day to have any quality of life.I also use marijuana.I got dismissed from a previous Pain Management for this use.So if you're in Pain Management,clear it with the Doctor first.My present PMD is OK with it.

I used to feel the pressure of family members.Why don't you do this anymore?Why don't you do that anymore?

I came to an acceptance of my physical limitations.If they can't accept it,that's their fault,not mine.

My Faith has helped me accept things.To feel an inner peace even when my body is a wreck and I hurt.

Moms are under a lot of pressure even from adult children.I agree with the others that they need to start making life easier for you.Hopefully they'll start doing that.

Hope things settle down and you find some peace.

Take care and God bless.

Rick
Posted 4/26/2016 11:36 AM (GMT 0)
I'm a bit confused. The post is titled "How do I talk to my pain doctor?" But the post itself really doesn't fit with the title.

What do you want to talk to your pain doctor about? Adjusting your pain meds? Adding MM?

You say you can't talk with a psych about your depression. Perhaps there is a face to face support group you could join?

For me, it's a vicious cycle...pain leading to depression leading to more pain leading to more depression. If my pain is managed then my depression lessens. So, if you are like me it's about the pain. Since I don't know what is causing your pain I can't recommend anything to ease it except the basics...heat, ice, light exercise, swimming, anti inflammatories, a T.E.N.S. unit, a different mattress or recliner, etc. Make sure you're well hydrated. I was surprised at how much drinking water helps lessen my pain!

Meditation and relaxation exercises are a big help too. "Think about WHAT you are thinking about." If I let my pain be foremost in my mind then of course it's worse. If I use music or crocheting or gardening etc to get my mind off of my pain it is less.

Keep coming and posting. You might want to post something in the Depression forum as well. I use both and it helps.
Posted 4/27/2016 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
I can't answer your question about medical marijuana, but I can empathize with the way you're feeling. I too wished something would just kill me so I wouldn't have to live with the pain anymore. That was 10 years ago. I'm much better now than I was then because I discovered much of my physical pain was (is) actually inextricably tied to past trauma (including past childhood emotional trauma).

I'm not sure what you mean that you can't go to a psych... But I understand that sometimes talking can just get you nowhere. I would highly recommend reading some of Peter Levine's books (e.g., Waking the Tiger) and John F Barnes book Healing Ancient Wounds. Also Robert Scaer's the Body Bears the Burden is good, but that one is a little more dense than the others.

And I would look into Myofascial release (MFR) therapy (john barnes' method) and/or Somatic Experiencing (SE) (Peter Levine's method of trying to retrain our bodies and brains out of the trauma-based patterns it may be stuck in and what may be fueling our physical pain).

This all may seem crazy, but after 2 years of wishing I were dead because of my debilitating physical pain and after trying everything traditional medicine had to offer (to no avail), it wasn't until I discovered my pain was tied to past trauma that my pain finally started to come down. It hasn't been fun or easy, mind you. I've had to face things I had hidden from my own conscious mind for 32 years... But as hard as its been I no longer want to be dead!! Yay!! I'm now 51 and have a 15 and 21 year old, so I can relate to your situation (although my pain was really bad when they were younger). And even though its taxing to still cart my 15 yr old to her activities, I'm honestly a bit concerned about how useless I'll feel when she's gone, since I had to stop working 7 years ago because of my pain. But that's another topic for another time I guess. :)

Oh in addition to John Barnes MFR (which I've done a lot of in the past) and SE (which I'm doing now), I'm also doing EMDR in hopes it might somehow help resolve my pain, too. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization reprocessing and is a treatment for trauma.

I hope I didn't lose you by going off on this trauma stuff, but it's what has helped me and from your post I wonder if it might help you, too. (Coming from "a very violent childhood home" as you describe, is a trauma that can lead to chronic pain. I've read several scientific articles about it. It just doesn't seem to be in our public collective knowledge base yet.)

Well, I wish you the best of luck in bringing down your pain. It can happen!!
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