Still hopeful after so many years??

I just joined last week and this is my first question, so I don't know if this has been discussed before. But I'm just wondering if those who have been living with years of chronic pain still feel hopeful at all or have you just come to an acceptance of your pain?

I'm 10 years 7 months in (but who's counting?!--lol) and I've definitely ridden up and down the hope roller coaster. But I feel I'm sinking into another lull (but not nearly as bad as many years ago when I truly wished I were dead). I've come to an acceptance of my currently limited and pain-infused life, but I've also generally tried to keep hope alive.

about 3 of my 10+ years were truly horrible, and my pain certainly has fluctuated over the years ... It went from a 10 (ruptured disc) to 8 (after surgery) to 7-6 (after trigger point steroid shots) to 3-4 (after intensive Myofascial Release physical therapy--MFR) then back up to 7-8 (after car accident) then back down to 4 -5 (after more intensive MFR), and finally around 2-3 (after quitting my job/career and doing other mind body things, including more MFR, and living this very limited life that I now lead).

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy my pain is far less than it used to be! But I still am so limited and I still can have my pain spike up often. I've been stuck here for the last 5 years in spite of continuing to try new things. But since I made so much progress in the past toward reducing my pain, I still have some hope that I can really be pain free. But lately I'm wondering if it really is hopeless to think that.

So I guess I'm just wondering where other people fall in the spectrum of hope/hopelessness.

Thanks!

I have struggled with multiple chronic health issues over the years and am currently receiving Palliative Care (care and comfort).

I am 54 years of age. A former marathon runner and physical therapist by profession. Running was my oxygen and source of mental tranquility.

I look at living with chronic illness as a continual sequence of adjusting and adapting. With each new health speed bump, I adapt and adjust.

I maintain a sense of realistic optimism.

I no longer look for ways to "fix" what ails my physical body but rather means to make my quality of life more comfortable.

I have found it important to find things that give meaning and purpose to my life - despite fragile health. Everyone needs a purpose to get up in the morning and put both feet on the ground, especially when chronic pain is ever present.

I appreciate that technology and computers and the growth of the internet enable those of us with health limitations to stay connected to the larger outside world. The feelings of isolation are much less than what I experienced years ago. When my pain is at its worst, the simple humanity of an e-mail where a friend says "I am thinking of you" can mean so very, very much.

I hope that you continue to find the hope and relationships with others that sustain and comfort you,
- Karen -

Thanks everyone! Yes, I generally have similar hope as Pitmom describes. And I've gotten into gardening recently too :). I love watching things grow, but its also a good lesson in patience... Which is needed to wait for plants to grow and for living with pain :)

In reference to Seashell's point about no longer trying to "fix" what ails you, I must say, I still have some undying hope that I can "fix" myself although I understand that my journey is a slow long one and therefore I also focus on what I can do to make myself more confortable in whatever stage of this journey I'm in at any given time.

With my situation, I have discovered that my pain is linked to past childhood traumas (also intermixed with more recent traumas) and because when I've done work to address these traumas my pain has come down, I still feel like there's hope that the more I address these issues, the better I will get. But I guess I just get discouraged and it's not fun or easy work, so I guess I was just wondering if its a waste to keep trying or hope that I'll actually improve further.

And I agree that we need purpose. The biggest thing for me in the last 7 years of not working has been writing down my story. Its been more like a compulsion. My own story so fascinated me that I has to write it down to even make sense if it myself (ie that much of my chronic pain is driven by a childhood trauma I didn't remember for 32 years).

Ive gotten my memoir prerty much done now and I'm feeling stuck with what to do with it (should I publish it? ... Is it worth spendibg money on oublishing it? ... is it too personal?... Will it hurt people I care about?--I know, only I can ultimately answer these questions). I think because I'm feeling stuck and I've been working on it for the last 8 years, I'm not sure what my purpose is now. Of course being here for my kids is primary, but they're 21 and 15 so I guess I've been wondering what I'll find to give me purpose when my younger one is out of the house, too.

Sorry for going of in all directions here. I guess I'm just thinking out loud.

I appreciate your responses and I think the truth is, I can't give up hope. Its just not really in my nature to give up (although it can be tiring and frustrating). But it means I keep spending money on things (eg trauma treatment) in hopes that it will help me resolve stuck pain patterns. Feels like a waste of money oftentimes when I don't improve. Oh well ... On it goes... But thanks again for your responses!

Thanks CreatureLover. It's a bit sad but also comforting to know others experience similar feelings. :)