Feel like giving up.

Another day of pain,suffering and withdrawl, I am not sure how much longer I can go on. I have tried so hard to follow the rules, listening to Doctors advice, trying new medications, changing dosage/times, stopping/starting medications. eating or not eating certain foods, no alcohol, smoking, or anything that can be called a vice. Why is it so hard to get this to work for me, it's not like I am not trying. I have suffered countless years/months/days/hours going along with my treatment. Honestly I am no better off than when I started this, and sometimes I wish I could stop everything and feel what I was like before I started in pain management. it's frustrating telling my situation over and over again, trying to convince everyone that I hurt and I need releif from the pain, thats all nothing more. Why is it that everyone feels I am faking or making this up, I am not, I just want my life back, I am not asking for perfection, just releif from pain. I feel that it would be better to fix the source of the problem, not try to put a bandaid on it. I was in tears yesterday as I was feeling so sick with pain/withdrawls, I had to force myself out of the bed, as I was there for 24+ hours, thats no way for someone to live, it's cruel. Sorry for the gripping, just I get so angry at this illness.

 Good Evening Chronie,

I am ever so sorry for the way you are feeling right now and I know it won't help you too much to know that you are not alone in your pain and suffering but it is true. I know that I have spent a lot of time in the last decade plus struggling with those same very feelings. I don't know your condition but I do wonder if you have ever felt this way before? I only ask for two reasons and the first being that I personally feel that you should definily look for some support, one on one, on the phone any way you can. If this is the first like I said you don't want to mess around and hope you get better. I mean that sincerely Chronie. Secondly, if you have felt like this before as I mentioned that I had over the years and in your mind and in your heart I think you know that this to shall pass. It might not be fast or easy but you will pull through. After all you would of had to before if it has happened before right? It might not seem feasible the way your feeling right this minute but look for that glimmer of hope that is who you are, what you are.                                                                                                                                                I only offer these words in a supportive way and I think you should listen to your heart and reach out for solace any where you can. You are in my thoughts and I wish you a less pain moment to remind you to always have hope. Especially at your lowest moments.

It's late here but your letter would not let me sleep so I do hope it makes sense in some small way since I'm already on my night time medication if you know what I mean.

Sincerely              Toritoo