Crying since 9:15am

Hello all my dear friends in cyberworld, I really hope y'all have had a better day today than me. I had an appointment with my Urologist this AM at 9:00 and it went terrably wrong. It was my fault as I was supposed to see him and get a blood test back in Aug. which being the dumb*** of the year, I didn't. As any of you who are getting to know me may already know, I don't care much for doctors and had been in my opinion, seeing too many back around then and didn't think it would matter much if I went a little longer to get my PSA & testosterone tested. WRONG! This is the doctor who prescribed me testosterone when no other would 2 1/2 years ago. For those of you who don't know, I had prostate cancer and after having it taken out, they will not let you use testosterone because thats what makes the p.c. grow, it feeds on testosterone! The way they love to put it is it's like throwing gasoline on the fire. But a man needs testosterone and without it all kinds of horrable things happen. Anyway, this was one of the nice compassionet doctors who realized that if he didn't prescibe it for me, I may not be around long enough to find out if the cancer would return or not! I was in that bad of shape and my CP with all my broken parts and pain just compounded the matter. So back to the appointment. When he started looking at my chart, I said to him, I've been a bad boy but I never would have dreamed the reaction I got when he finished reading it. I never heard a doctor yell and swear like he did. He told me that he had gone way out on a limb for me and if I had gotten my cancer back, it would have been his reputation that would be ruined. Then he told me to get the #%*! out of his office! It was then I broke down and started to cry. I said, your right, I'm an idiot but please let me just try to explain. It took me about a minute to catch my composure enough to talk clearly enough for him to understand me. I told him about my depression, my hip surgery a couple months ago, my upcoming surgery, a few other things and that my wife of 28 years is living 250 miles away from me breaking down several times durring my pleed. Being a good man he said, if you promiss me you will never miss another apt. or blood test he would continue to treat me and that he could see that this was no time to dissert me. Then I told him how I hated the testosteropne gel and my wife would not come near me when I had it on because she think it gets on her and is doing all kinds of bad stuff to her. Although he dissagreed and said it's all absorbed within an hour he still agreed to try me on shots instead. I couldn't believe it but he told me to pull down my pants and he hit me in the butt w/ 400mg of the good stuff! The crazy part was that he hadn't even checked my PSA yet to see if I had the cancer back or not. They drew the blood before the shot but of course he will not have the results back in a couple days. That blew my mind, I must have put on quite a show! not only that but he also gave me a perscription for 3 months of the T-gell!!!! So I put my tail between my legs and drove to work, crying the whole way. I had to keep my sunglasses on for the rest of the day because as we all know>> "There is no crying in Construction!" Everyone came in for their paycheck because it was Friday and I got so many boy aren't you cool and which movie star are you today. It was no fun. So thats my story except I e-mailed my wife about what had happened and I'm waiting for her to call. Thats not going to be fun either! Happy Friday all!! Sorry for the long pity party but other than your good folks, I have no one to tell this pittyfull story. The day in the life of Pete or adventures in Peteworld!

Thanks for the ear my friends or should I say familly, you are the only ones who could possable know how I feel!!!

Pete   

I'm not sure I am understanding either. Why did he scream at you and threaten to drop you as a patient? What was so bad that you did that you were not suppose to do? Sorry Pete......I just don't get it. Of course...........then again.......I'm brain dead right now and ready for sleep. I'll check back later.

Hugs

Scarred

Gosh Pete, you have an incredibly good doctor in my opionion. Yes, you could
get your cancer back but as you said you NEED the good stuff to survive.

Don't give up on us because we're (I'm slow) You sent a lot of infomation along,
man.

I wish you'd post. I think you're probably doing ok now. Why did you cry? That
part I'm unclear about. Did you cry those tears because someone finally "got it"

Did your wife call. Pardon me but she sounds like a slightly difficult woman. As
we're told "There's lots of fish in the sky"

Pamela

I'm so sorry for writing all that garble and then leaving my friend hanging. I was in a really bad place last Friday. I thought I was having some sort of breakdown which only got worse after I got home. Pam, I love my Doc and realize I'm very lucky he listened to me through all the crying. He's one in a million. My wife of 28 years is living at our someday hopefull retirement place 250 miles away. It's way too long a story to write here but she still loves me and I love her more than the world. She drove down when she realized how bad I was and we spend a wonderful 24hours telling each other how much we still love each other. Thats why I haven't been back on the computor till now. Scarred, I was suposed to be closely monitored for my cancer returning and I blew off my appointments which the last one was in Aug. I hadn't see him since May! He had every right to yell at me. He stuck his neck out by prescribing tesstosterone to me and I let him down. I'll never miss another apt. PA, yes, I'm taking my AD meds but both my wife and I agreed that they are not working and I should get some psych. help very soon. I was way out there, thinking all kinds of crazy things and 2 days of straight crying just ain't normal, ya know?
Pam, no my wife is no more difficult than any women going through metapause, I'm the difficult one because I think all this crap I'm going through has finally put me over the edge. I know I'm not right in the head right now. I'm playing this past Fri. & Sat. over in my head not that I've calmed down and can see that I do need help. Maybe you have seen it in my posts over the past couple weeks? Sometimes high and others low. I know we all have good an bad days but talk about crazy!!! Thanks for all your replys. I'll keep you updated if I can.
Your crazy friend,
Pete

You know I am sorry things are so bad..... God Bless you, you hang in there.... You know the wonderful thing about crying is it cleanses the soul. You will be fine, you are a strong person. I love reading your posts, so know you have friends in all corners when you need them. If you EVER need anything, even to talk, please feel free to email me or even call if you need to...... we will all be here to listen. Now please stay regular on those check ups. I had ovarian cancer years ago & I know they are a pain, but thank God we have a life & are not suffering as sooooo many people do with cancer. Chin up!! ((big hugs)) you will be fine, everything will be fine. And anytime you need to talk, get a hold of me, or someone- ok? Don't wait for another break down, and maybe talk to your dr about some anti-depressants. One of mine is amitryptiline, its an old school med, but it also doubles for back pain & is only $4 at Wally World without insurance. ((hugs again))

Pete ...
We family folk can work thngs out. Sometimes we're a little slow but we try. And
YOU are usually here for us through our breakdowns and crackups ~ Later, Dude.
Pamela

Wow, Y'all are the best! I can't ever remember having such great support on line anywhere before. I thought that the prostate cancer forum was the greatest and most suppotive untill I found you good folks here. It's almost overwelming how caring and compassionet everyone is and you are the ones who are constantly plaiged by horrable pain. It blows my mind, what little mind I have left. I had a very healing weekend and realize that so many of my worries where just fabricated in my own mind. There are still problems, but they are not as large as I've made them out to be. I do need help and I will get it. Thank you for being there when I needed you most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your Brother,
Pete

Pete,

Hope you are doing well today.  You certainly know that a lot of people care about you and are rooting you on.  That's wonderful!  That's why I love this forum so very much.

Chutz said exactly what I was going to say.  I don't think it was very professional of him to be more concerned about his reputation, but enough said.  He is still helping you and that is what counts now.  Stay positive, my friend.

You have a loving wife, which is greatest thing too.  My husband is my rock as well.  I know how you feel.  I'm only sorry you are having to live so far apart, but one day I'm sure that will change too.

Keep those appointments, as I know you will and keep positng here to your friends.  I am available on email too anytime.  God's blessings to you and I wish you gentle hugs.

Lindaloo