Reinvisioning a new future with CP

PaLady, what I find useful is anger. Not outward anger at other people, but internal anger at my situation. Perhaps anger isn't the best word... maybe resentment or frustration? In any case, it is that feeling that I do not want to be denied the pleasures of playfully tossing my daughter around a bit, or experiencing things that others take for granted, that makes me want to fight on. I often regret it later, as I pay the price for overexertion, but my stubborn streak quickly returns and I go back to it as soon as I am able.

Taking my fears and anger and focusing them helps give me energy when I am feeling like I cannot do anything. Just tell yourself that you WILL NOT be denied the pleasures you deserve. Of course we hit our limits, but use the negative feelings to get more focused while still respecting the limits and avoiding further true damage.

Does that make sense?

I think that makes sense, but only to a point, I often do things I know I shouldn't and I pay the piper (royally) afterwards, and that is fine I guess! But some things, well let me use this as an example, I walk with a cain, I always have it with me. My bother inlaw has made fun of me, he says I am to young to be using a cain and I look like an old man! I shouldn't have to use a cain I am just giving in to my condition! Well I look at it as being just another tool. I wear glasses so I can see better. I use a cain so I can walk better, I also use it,  to get up out of a chair or from a sitting position, as I cannot do that without having something to use to help me! The cain is a tool nothing more nothing less. Pain meds I don't like to use them and I often would rather just sit down and relax in a recliner for a bit of time,  and let the pain subside and pass,  than to take a pain pill! But on the other hand I know that pain meds are also tools in a sense, and some times if I know I am going to over do it, then I will take a pain med ahead of time to keep it from getting out of control. On Doctors orders we often used to give patients extra pain medications before having a procedure done, as it is much easier to control pain before rather than after the fact! If using pain meds makes you feel normal, as in not having pain, and you are able to function better, and be able to do at least some of the things that you use to do. Then why not use them? Pain is not a normal condition for you body, it is a mechanism that your body has to let you know something is wrong or you are doing something that is not good for you. Or your pain mechanism is out of whack and is over reacting or what ever, which is sometimes the case with CP but not alway! But it does not matter CP can affect you in many undesirable ways, it is stressful for your body to be in Chronic Pain, and you often have no control over how chronic pain affects you! That is one very good reason to keep it under control! It is not necessarily giving into it, but I think it is just trying to survive and maybe have some quality in your life. As an example: say I really over do it, and I force myself beyond what I should, and I accomplish what ever the task was! And I am proud of myself! Yep I did it! But I also hurt like the dickens, and within a short period of time I am hurting really bad, and I am not worth anything, for the next few days! Was it worth me over doing it? As I get older, and the longer time I have CP,  I have learned it is not! Because doing things that I shouldn't be doing, is causing me more damage, more disc are going bad, and the bad disc are getting much worse, so is the pain , and the recovery time is longer! I used to love to bowl, and I wasn't going to let my C6/7 disc fusion stop me! After a year and a half,(more than enough time to heal) I started to bowl again, (Only Once!!) my couple hours of pleasure was not worth the days and days of agony, and the fact that I was also doing great harm to myself!

BrentE1961 I don't accept the premise that accepting ones limitations and giving in to ones pain will cause you to go into a downward spiral that you are powerless to stop! On the contrary, I believe that if you don't accept (at least partially so, your limitations, and give in somewhat, to your pain) you can actually be throwing yourself into that downward spiral and you could very well render yourself powerless to stop it! As someone that has worked in the medical field I have seen that happen, and all to frequently I might add! And when it does, it really is such a shame! Sometimes one's life isn't as good as it once was, but if one is not careful and or prudent, it can become much much worse! I guess in the end each person has to look at their own condition and decide for themselves, if it is worth it!

White Beard

Golitho,
I'm glad you said that. I was thinking myself after reading White Beard's post how it's so individual. And it even varies with each of us by the day, and as our condition(s) change over time. Certainly continuing to do something which is just going to cause more long term pain or damage is foolish (although I think we all do a little of it, especially at the beginning of our CP journey!). But then there's the tendency, at least with me, to start to fear doing almost anything. It is a question of what's it worth. There may be once in a lifetime events we will do anything to attend, regardless of the consequences.

It's such a struggle, as you suggest, to know where we're at in the process. At least it is for me, too, so you're not alone.

I do know the fears over not having health insurance, even for a brief time period, and future financial worries, add to it all. And if you have money you can pay to have people help you with things, which takes some worry and anxiety and stress off your shoulders. Maybe that's energy you could save for having coffee with a friend.(BTW I'm not trying to sidetrack the thread onto financial or health insurance issues. There are other threads for that!)

More questions. But I'm in good company. Thank goodness for the company of each one of you!

PaLady

Post Edited (PAlady) : 4/29/2009 1:21:23 AM (GMT-6)

BrentE1961
the emotional and mental is a problem, but it doesn't necessarily have to be, you know one can let go of one thing and take up something new! You can give up certain activities that cause you pain and problems, and do other activities that don't and you can acknowledge your pain and take your med to get rid of it. When I take my meds I don't think about being dependent on it, I might be,... but I take it like I take my Blood Pressure medicine and my Ulcertive Colitis meds, I don't think about what they do, they are all just meds to take to prevent me from having problems, pain. high BP, and UC flare ups! If I start to really hurt, I will sit in the recliner, if it is bad I will take a Percocet. and if it is really bad I will pace the floor and do whatever it takes to get it to let up! And then I go on with my life.

The mental and emotional aspects are very insidious though, and they sneak up on you, the isolation that one sometimes does to themselves, and the loneliness, often they happen without you even realizing it, it did for me, I set myself up for my own situation, and I let my friends go by the wayside and became more or less dependent on my wifes friends and family. I let them become my friends and family and my support system! she could be the out going one and keep up the friendships, and I could just go along for the ride, and I didn't have to do anything, that worked out perfectly with my pain! But in the process ( although I didn't realize it at the time) I was really isolating myself and setting my self up to become a very lonely man, and not have a support system of my own! Because of the divorce I am also losing the friends, family, and support system! What a mistake I had made! It was not a good thing to do at all! And now I am finding it is extremely difficult to change, not impossible, but difficult and not at all fun either!

So yes BrentE1961 you do have to be ever vigilent for the downward spiral of the emotional/ mental aspect of it, but with that said you cannot let your emotional/mental go over board without restraint and run wild either, and over do things because if you do over do it physically to much you could really   spiral downward, and in some aspects that can be allot worse. For me I have disc problem, all through my back, but the cervical ones scare me to death, I had the fusion at C6/7 and c5/6 is bad, If  those disc  in your cervical go rally bad you can easily become a quad, and to me that would be a fate far worse than death! So I tend to be cautious and maybe a little protective of what I do! But obviously not enough!

PALady I share so many of your concerns, my insurance is OK but many of my other concerns are more or less the same as yours! We will get through it though!

Be it good or bad I do Thank God I have my Family and friends here though!

White Beard