crying

Hello Anice,

Wow-yes your mom has the best intentions because she loves you very much. However, that comment should have been kept to herself. She does not need to be discussing your situation at all with anyone except you and only if you are the one that brings that subject up. When talking with your son just do your usual banter with him and perhaps by the time he comes back home all of this will be smoothed over. It appears he is very protective of his mom, most little boys are so this is why he reacted as he did. My son wanted to slay all of his momma's dragons at that age too lol.

I have to wonder if  the extra personal crap that has gone on since your surgery has not been a big factor in your recovery. Its been an added stress that you certainly did not need particularly at this time. But, you will get past all of this you are a strong willed person.

Glad to hear you made it with the limited meds. Its amazing what we can actually do when we get our backs up against the wall.

Good for you for making the 3 walks. I know you are so tired of hearing it but the walking is such a vital part of your recovery. Its truly the form of exercise that will help strengthen your back muscles, abs and build up your overall endurance.  I know someone mentioned perhaps you are walking too much and to slow down on the walking. I have to disagree as I know why they tell us to walk after surgery. When you are ready for your walks be sure you have rested some before venturing out that may help somewhat.

Back in July of 02, we were on vacation in a small town 90 miles out of Cancun in a beautiful new villa. The second day there I became very ill to the point of being down in bed. A dr was called to come out and he thought it was perhaps a food intolerance issue. By the 4th day I was begging them to call the dr and begging to die. I looked 9 months pregnant my belly had swelled so bad and the pain was frrm hell. The dr came back out and called an ambulance and I was taken into Cancun to the hospital. The meds he left for the vomitting, diarhea and pain I could not keep in my system long enough to do any good. The drs thought I had appendicitis going on so they took me to surgery and removed my appendix only to find out they were fine. Then, the dr decided to open me up lower in the stomach and he found the problem, a complete blockage and abscess of the small bowel and voila the dx of crohns disease. He did a resection and removed 12 inches of the small bowel and connected me back together. Neither of these surgeries were done laproscopic, they were full blown incisions, they did not have modern equipment there at all. In fact it was all very primitive, nothing disposable either. My IV pole had 3 wheels instead of 4 and was so rusty I do not know how it held the glass bottles they attached to it. My first 48 hours were a blur, I was too ill to even know I had gone thru surgery and they pretty much kept me knocked out. about all I remember was the sweats from the high fever as there was alot of infection inside of me. Day 3 rolls around and I wake up finally and know who I am and my daughter has stayed with me the entire time. She tells me what all took place. I told her go get the nurse and get me up out of this bed, if I do not start walking now I will be stuck here in this hospital gawd only knows how long and I want to get home. It took two people get me up and walking because I had drains coming out of me and I was a mess. I walked and I walked every day. I had, had enough surgeries to know this was the key to getting me out that hospital and back on a plane to the states. I spent 5 days in the hospital with two surgeries under my belt and not one soul spoke English including the drs, I had to get out of there. Do not get me wrong even with the language barrier I had the very best medical care in that place. I have had alot of surgeries and lots of time spent in the hospital, not one time did I ever have to ask for a pain shot or anything for that matter. Matter of fact I can honestly say the care there was better than any care I have received state side in a hospital but for the most part I was the only patient in the hospital too lol. I did it in 5 days girl. We actually spent two nights at a hotel waiting to get on a flight back home. I continued walking after I got home and it gave me the strength I needed.

I know you are taking the OT stuff, careful of the liver when taking this too. You keep hanging in there, each day will get a tiny bit better. Sometimes we just have to take baby steps instead of giant steps. Hugs, Susie

Anice,
It's good to see you post. You sound a little bit better, but you still have a lot on your shoulders. I really think your NS should be helping you a little more with the pain, and if he won't maybe going to your PM doc would be better because the pain in your buttocks may be a long term healing issue. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's likely true.

As far as work, what about planning to start back part time - when your body feels ready. Pushing too hard and injuring yourself isn't going to help with your healing. We all don't realize how long that really takes (I know, I know, we've said this to you before - but only because most of us learned it the hard way!).

I hope you can relax and get some rest tonight!

Hugs,

PaLady

Susie, Your post did get me to thinking. I honestly don't think that I am doing too much. The garage sale thing: my husband got everything out of the house and his kids helped. I didn't carry one thing out or back in the house-honest. I did sit out there with him off and on throughout the day. I was kind of back and forth with it. It was way too hot for me! I do things as for a "light" house stuff. I do laundry everyday. But I don't bend over. I have a little stick thing that has "pinchers" on it. I use it to load in the washer and dryer and to get the clothes out. I hope that makes sense. I can't even think what the thing is called. My aunt bought it for me at a med. supply place. I fold clothes. And I will put them in the rooms they belong in. I will cook maybe once a week. And then it is something that doesn't require alot of time standing. I really don't think it is alot. And what I do, I don't rush myself and I do take my time with it. I do not sweep, vacuum, moping or anything like that. I will start to watch my activities for the next couple of days. I don't really think I am doing too much. But it is possible that I am and just don't realize what I do in a days' time. And you are soo right. I know I can't will myself into healing. If that was the case, I would be feeling tons better than what I am! That one, I do know all to clearly.

On my walks, I usually walk for 20-30 minutes at a time. The doctor said to walk for 20 minutes 3 x's a day. I get 2 walks in and do get to do the 3, just not everyday. I am working on getting that third one in more often. It is just so hot here. But I am committed to getting there. I may be sitting more than I should. I don't really know how long at a time that I do sit. I haven't paid much attention to it. But I sit in the recliner or on the couch with my back on a big cushion and my feet up. I know if I sit too long, my back does hurt more. I will get up and walk through the house a little. I try not to lie down alot during the day. I have learned that the recliner is the worse for my back. I don't really know what to do about this one. I don't want to sit too long. And I don't want to lie in the bed- that gets me more emotional- like I shouldn't be just lying down in the bed... And that comes back to I haven't been really told what I should or shouldn't be doing. I have learned so much more from all of you than anywhere else. The heating pad I am using about 30 minutes at a time. I don't use it everyday. Some days I will use it 2 or more times. But there are days that I don't use it. I was staying on it for a long time, until I learned from you guys only 20 minutes at a time. Before I had the surgery, I was sleeping on it! I am trying to get better with that.

I do remember your post about the patients staying out for 3 months for a laminectomy. I can't really believe my doctor (ortho) told my 6-8 weeks. I really didn't think this surgery would be this bad. I knew the fusions were more complex and considered to be bigger in the type of surgery. But this has sure been big for me. And I know that when I do get back to work, it will be hard on me. I am on my feet all day being in a peds office. It is really busy and fast paced. Though my doctor that I work for is considered to be the slower one as far as patient load than the other 3 in the group. I still know in reality that I am not there yet. And although I want so much to be, it just isn't that easy...I am in week 7 now. It will be #8 on Wednesday.

I don't think the lortab speeds me up any. I know my mind is always racing. But I think that is normal for me. I am constantly thinking about something-always have. I don't really feel alot different taking it. I wonder if I am building up a tolerance to it. I know that I was on percocet(from my PM) when I had the surgery. And I was sent home on them. I had to call the doctor and asked to be changed to lortab b/c I was only getting about 2 hrs of relief from them. And before the surgery I was only taking one in the evening after work. I wouldn't take it at work-just didn't feel right about it-didn't want my judgement off. And I suffered through the day. Most days when I got home, I was either in tears or close to tears...that is how it was towards the end...

I have been on the Medrol dose pack before. I will be sure and ask about it. I do take a mobic everyday for inflammation from the PM. But I know it is different. I will ask him (ortho) about it on Tues. I want to know why both my hips and both buttocks hurt so bad. That is where my pain is for the most part. My lower back pain is much better since the surgery. It has hurt just like this since the first week after the surgery. It isn't much better at all. All day, everyday-hip and butttock pain. The creams have helped some, but only for a little while.

My son said he is home sick and he misses me. He has done this before when he has gone to TN. He usually makes it about 3 weeks at the most. He and my husbands' relationshiip isn't great. My son doesn't like doing chores and helping out around the house. He doesn't like my husband b/c he wants him to help out as he should. But he is okay w/ him when he throws the football or he wants to go to the store w/ my husband. I do think he has been influenced by my parents. I think this b/c my son will say that he misses me and his sister and even the dog, but says- not my husband... And that really bothers me. And it is not acceptable for them to be talking to him about my husband. I asked him tonight if they are talking about him bad all the time- and he said my mom is. I do plan on talking to her about this within the next couple of days. I do know that I can't go and get him. I can't drive or even ride in the car for the 7 hr one way trip. If they won't bring him home, then my husband will have to (and he said he'll do it in a heartbeat) go and get him. I will know what we will be doing on this, in a few days. I think the firework thing is trying to get him to stay. He knows we can't spend that much on them as they can and are planning to. They bought him a xbox 360 yesterday w/ 5 games. They are spending way too much money on him. And it does cause problems when he does get home b/c we can't do all of those extra financial things that they can and do. And he doesn't have to do any chores there!!! I love him so very much. And I do want him home. I let him go b/c he wanted to go and b/c he was getting upset by how this pain has effected me. I wanted him to go and to be able to have some fun. He deserves to have fun... I wanted the best for him. Oh, I miss him so much and he has only been gone 4 days! Okay, I am getting carried away with these long posts again. I am going to be banished from this forum if I don't stop it!!!lol
Anice

Hi Anice,

Goodness girl, get out of those flip flops lol. Oh dear me I never once thought to ask you about your shoes. And skip the barefoot thing too honey lol. Yep, go get yourself a pair of crocs. You know alot of the nurses wear them here in drs offices and the hospital. With back problems you do have to look out for your feet and invest in good shoes. Most definetly be sure to have good shoes when you return to work. When I know I am going to be walking and on my feet any length of time I wear good Nikes. I bought a pait of good new Balance, but I must be a Nike girl cause I do not like them lol. I hate it I wasted the money too.

Now for the grandmother pitch. I am a grandmother to a 4 yr old boy and a 14 yr old girl. We buy those kids so much stuff till its pathetic, why because we have great fun in doing so and we have the extra money to do it with. The kids have all resigned to the fact its within our grandparents rights to buy these kids clothes and toys and whatever in between. When they realized the fun we have going shopping and finding stuff for the kids, they understood. Oh no, not for one moment was any of this bought to make Mom or Dad feel bad, absolutely not.  I email my granddaughter and ask if she is needing anything in particular, its hard to buy for her so now she gets gift cards and cash given to her and my daughter takes her shopping.  She shops the sales and has learned to use her money wisely when shopping. She is a clothes horse. For her its easier giving her money, she has quite a savings going and will put money there if she doesn't need anything either. My grandson was born premature, mom had a difficult pregnancy first and last for her. They decided because of the baby and all it would in his best interest overall to be a stay at home Mom. She has worked always. By us buying his clothes, shoes every 90 days this relieves alot of stress on them.  They still buy some of his clothes but at least they are not sweating it trying to buy everything for him-does that make sense.  They have given up alot by her staying home, it was their choice. She did start working a part time job because he went to pre-k and it was good to get her out of the house. She also has a home business making draperies and window treatments. She is very talented to say the least. For my husband and I its a treat for us to be able to do this. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

Yes, you do have a problem with your son and husband. I do not know how long you have been together but its a tough situation to deal with. I have been there. My daughter despised my 2nd husband and it was not something he did to her. She did not like him from day one and in many ways I wish I had thought about it a whole lot more. Kids are really intuitive in many ways. I can honestly say she was not jealous of him, she never tried to create a problems between us, she flat out did not like him. I will say this, watch your son closely, he may later act out and do things that you never dreamed later on down the road. You are in a real tough situation. We were together only 5 yrs and that was long enough. My house was not the most pleasant place to live those five years. There was alot of tension simply because my daughter did not like him. Hind sight I should have got rid of him alot sooner. I am not saying this applies to you, I am saying you are in a  situation where your son is always going to be on the defense when it comes to you, that alot for a kid to carry. I vowed if I were to remarry if my kids did not like they guy he was out, he did not get to play ball with us. Do you think your son worries about you when he is not there? Could that be a reason he wants to come home so soon?

If it comes down to your husband having to go pick your son up I would have a talk with my son. I would bring it to his attention that your husband is doing it for him. Maybe if your son can look at him in a different light he may lighten up a little, I don't know. I do know your Mom is way out of line and she is doing nothing but adding fuel to the fire in your boy by running her mouth. She should be ashamed of herself and she should know better. My heart goes out to you here its tough.

One thing you will realize, there is no bond like a mothers bond with her children. Nothing can break that, it does not matter how much money anyone spends. Your children want one thing from you above all and thats your love and attention. Do not worry about what you can or cannot afford. I was a single mother of two with no child support and worked two jobs to buy necessities and put a roof over our head. I had no outside help from anyone. No they did not have everything they wanted, they had what they needed, thats the most important thing you can give them. So, do not beat yourself up over this one either.

I hope your dr appt goes well today. Hugs, Susie