Let Downs

Laurie,

Your husbands reasoning sounds like he is concerned and considerate of what may happen to you or what you may have to deal with should something happen.

I understand your reasons for being upset for being left out of the loop of his decision.  I used to feel like this if my husband made a decision that we couldn't partake in something because it would not be good or comfortable for me.  It used to make me so mad and was a big source of issues in our relationship....when I started voicing my anger over these decisions it was then that he revealed that he was protecting me.  After alot of chatting over similar situations, we have agreed to let me decide if its something I can do or not.  Most times, when the day arrives the situation is either a go or a cancel..which is fine either way and people understand.

Your situation is what it is, we all wish we could be different BUT DO NOT beat yourself up over this.  We create our own guilt.  I've found that my family accepts my situation better then me. 

Think of it this way, what if your husband had your issues?  Knowing you as we do I feel you would ALWAYS think of his comfort first.  I venture to bet you will enjoy even a 1, 2 or 4 day event as long as you are together with your family!  Kids adjust and have fun, some of our best memories were created on a 1 or 2 day outing.

Give yourself a break, my favorite motto is enjoy the day, second to second, minute to minute...don't worry about what happened 5 minutes ago or what may happen 5 minutes from now....enjoy the moment right now!

So my answer is thank him for being considerate and share how what he did made you feel!  We can't help how we feel, sharing how we feel well that can be tough alot of the time! Once you tell him how you feel, I believe you will feel much better and more accepting of the decision he made!

Enjoy your time with your family no matter what you end up doing!

(((((((((((((((((((((Laurie)))))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti

Laurie,

I've been where you are, acceptance comes with time!  I wasted so much time in the "what if mode" and resentment mode....that when the lights came on I realized it was ME hindering myself.  Hope that makes sense!

We are here for you Laurie with our love and understanding.  Have a good day!

XXOO
Patti

Laurie, Edt gave the very best answer than any of us could. I too will say be very, very glad your husband has the insight to take your health into consideration. You have no idea girl how lucky you are. My husband after 7 yrs of seeing me endure and go thru some of the things I have, still refuses to accept to my situation. I think most of it is plain ole denial. He cannot accept his own health problems and they are very serious ones.

One of the key words here is you say "your condition has worsened as it progressed along." He has seen that progression and he has your best interest at heart.

Acceptance is hard with CP. My only words on that one is don't spend alot of precious time over the past. It really takes away from your today and tomorrow. Hugs, Susie

Thank you all! I know I have a wonderful and caring husband. We seem to have spend the last 18 yrs taking care of each other and our whole family that includes parents, sisters and brothers. For my husband to make this decison is HUGE. He NEVER makes decisions without my input. Plus hes giving up seeing his mother and step father another 5 months. He did listen to my input in the end but in all acuality he had already made the decision. Over the 18 yrs when he has pulled the man of the house trump card (not common) I go along without with it. For I get the mom trump card that I can use. It might sound strange to have TRUMP cards you can pull but it acually works for us.

I think this vacation has brought to my attention how things have acually changed for me in lifestyle. I can accept that I hurt so bad all week while I work. Accepting someday soon I will have to medically retire. That I can handle. Working gives me some kind of control high. I know this sounds bad but I feel as long as I can keep working I at least have some control over the pain and what it can do to me. But to have CP effect issues with my family is harder to except. I have no control over that aspect of CP.

Once again I have to say this forum has done me wonder. I love everyone on here with all my heart. In the time of need there is so much support here.

Laurie

LLPLUV

I should not be posting I have so many other things I need to be doing, and so little time to do it in, before I leave on my trip!  Chutzie thanks for posting for me, but with that said, I just can not let this thread go by without my comment!

 This time I dissagree with most everyone else! I feel,  it  is not alright, for one spouse to make decisions like that, without,  at the very least, consulting  with the other! Especially when you are supposedly the reason or excuse for the decision! It sets up a dangerous and unhealthly precedent, in ones marriage! One spouse should not be making decisions for the other ( with only rare exceptions) You are not a child, and I feel you should not set your self up to be dependent on your spouse to make decisions for you!  It is to easy, especially when you don't feel good, to relinquish your share of control and responsibility in a marriage, and once you do that,  it can be really tough getting it back! In your situation Laurie, if you have always went on vacation in the summer before, what is so different now?  or  what has changed  to cause your husband to not want to go on a summer vacation? I am not saying you should or shouldn't go, or even that your husbands decision is wrong or right, I just don't think he should of made the decision without you! And especially if it affect the whole family and how they might view it!

I have got to go,  I have so much going on right now I can't post any more. But remember Laurie,  there is TWO people in a marraige, and both should be equally involved!

That is my two Cents! Good Luck to You!

White Beard

Hi Laurie,

I'm sorry that I'm posting a bit late. I've had a hard time keeping up with my reading because of all the issues that I've had going on myself. I think that you are absolutely right to be upset. I'd certainly be upset - both about not being able to go/losing something you love, and about the way in which it came about. I agree with White Beard that I don't think that it is right for your husband to have made this decision without your input. Granted, he did it with the best intentions, but I think that you should have a say in the matter. It is one thing for him to give you his opinion & to try to talk you out of going, but it's another to cancel the trip all together without first asking you. I know he wasn't trying to hurt you - in fact, quite the opposite, but I think that you should have had the opportunity to talk things over before any decision was made. I do know that it is hard, learning to give up the things that we used to be able to do pre-CP. And often times we do need a little help, or support making that decision/realization. But I just don't think that anyone (perhaps with the exception of a doctor) should be able to tell you that you must/are going to give up something you love. At least you have a loving, supportive husband who clearly puts your health & wellbeing at the top of his list. You are very lucky to have someone that loving & supportive.

hugs,
Skeye

Post Edited (skeye) : 6/16/2009 9:42:15 PM (GMT-6)