So Sad

Has anyone found that after 3 years of chronic pain and 15 Vicodin/day that they still have pain and now are addicted to the medicine that doesn't help them anyway? I'm only 32 and after 2 back sx and 1 foot/ankle sx I'm at a loss. I'm not the same person I was when this started and I don't know how much more I can take. I'm on antidepressents and seeing a counselor...what now? Please help! xrgirl

xrgirl, I want to welcome you to the forum. I am also sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. You do not say what kind of treatment plan you are on or what possible options your doctors are giving you. Some one should be monitoring your medication and pain. Many of us deal with the depression that goes with CP and some days are better than others. We miss and long for the days when pain did not rule our lives. We try and encourage each other here as well as support and comfort one another. This is a safe place to let things out.

I was injured 11 years ago and have been on meds a long time. I have had 3 back surgeries and more PT than is imaginable. I still work full time, but it is extremely difficult. There are days I wonder why I do what I do but I have to have something to bring purpose to my life. Pain has stolen so much but I fight through it and won't let it win. I find by helping others, I don't focus as much on me. When the day is done and I hurt and want to get relief, I have to fight the feeling of "why do I do this knowing I will hurt so much?" Some of us still work while others have had to quit. We have all endured more than we ever dreamed we would have to but we can't change things. I won't ramble on but please share more as we care and want to help even if it is only through a forum like this.

Xrgirl, just because you take meds and you find yourself exhausted and drained, crying because the hopeless that you feel does not make you a bad mom. You have more strength than most people, continuing to work, provide for your family and I have not heard that you have given up. Worn down yes but you have not quit. The depression that we often face makes the hopelessness seem more real.

It sounds like you need to talk to your Dr after he gets back to get things under control. I hope your Ins. is helping out. I am not sure if another PMS is available to you or not. Does the pain clinic that you go to do more than epidurals? Some farm out the fusions as well as long term med treatment. If that is where you are at, I would encourage you to find a PMS that can help. Either way, this is a safe place to vent so don't feel bad for sharing the difficulties you are experiencing. That is why we are here. Thanks for sharing and trusting. I will be keeping you in my prayers.

I think we all have days we want nothing more than to crawl into a cave and hide from everything and other days we would like nothing more than to have a refreshing game of Whack the Quack.

Based on what you have said it sounds like you need to seek a new treatment plan and if your current group of doctors won't help you then seek out some that will.

I for one can relate all too well about how you are feeling about being less of a Mom than you want to be and think your kid(s) deserve. I am a stay at home dad and I can't count the times I have cried because I can't do the things I want to with my 3 y/o. When I am calm and thinking even remotely straight though I know that being a good parent is more about the love and encouragement you give than anything else. As long as you can tell your kid(s) that you love them, show them that you care, they will take this with them through life.

I have friends whose parents went to every ball game, every conference, every scout meeting and so on, but never hugged them or told them they loved them and they look back at their childhood with feelings of loss. I have other friends who were always told how special they were, how much they were loved, etc but due to obligations or illness their parents rarely could be in the stands, or make teacher conferences and so on and they look back on their childhood with contentment. It is not the quantity of what we give as much as the quality.

 

 

   Dear XrGirl,

 

    Good Morning! My name is Dani. It is very nice to meet you. I am very glad you found The Healing Well community. I am new-ish myself and love it here. All the knowladge and experience in the world right here. Awesome I tell you.

 

    Im not sure what yo would do about your current medications. I was prescribed ALOT of pain medication when I hurt early on... But I have children and I have to have my witts about me. That wasnt an "long term" option for me. I did eventually end up with a spine specialist who understands my needs and tailor made a pain management plan to suite my needs and life style. Perhpas, you should try to sit down with your doctor and have a heart to heart. Also... I dont want to sound stern or anything... But, if your medicine is helping, and it is something you can take... mayybe something with just a little less side effects? Perhaps you and your doctor can come to some sort of compramise?

 

~~~~~ Just read your second post. Sorry, bear with me my face stings.

 

     Wow. That is an expensive drugg test.. can you buy little cheap ones on the internet? Maybe one of those would suffice them? Then you can spent the rest on new hair cut & Pedicure

 

     I hate hearing about someone no getting releif from injections. So hard to go through my series, I think my heart would break if I went through all of the trouble... just to not have it work. I really hope your next series provides you releif.

     .....pain and child rearing is a sensative subject with me.. But!! It was quite by accident that the principal and vice principal at my daughters school found out I had rapidly progressing health issues. ... So by the time the end of school year hit, there was not way to hide my slump, hump, or tooth loss. Turns out they are very caring , understanding, and wanted to know how they could help. Have you talk to the scool administration about why you have to miss things sometimes? I had an dr. appointment was oh bout 10mins late.  The principal sat with my daughter for the first few minutes of Music class til i could get there. How cool is that? In any case. I am very embarrassed ... but it turns out there are folks who understand and can help. And yes, that ten minutes ment the world to me. Small blessings.  So, I guess I'm trying to say, communicate what is going on the best you can with those around you. Even the school. You never know when help will come along from unexpected sources.

 

     Gonna go grabb more coffee instead of chatting your ears off. It is very nice to meet you and I hope to get to know you better as time goes by.

 

*huggs*

   dani

Hi XRGirl and welcome to Healing Well. I am so glad you have found us, but always hate to see another person suffering as we do. WOW 15 vicodin a day, I am with Frances, do you have a liver left? Does your dr rx your vicodin at 15 a day or is it what you take a day in an effort to get the pain level down? There are many medications available today that are very good. Sometimes its a combination of meds that works the best. I would think you would do much better on a long acting then have something for break thru pain. But, I am not a dr and no one else on the forum is either.

You really do have too much on your plate and you need help no doubt. You medical needs are not being met, you are tryng to hold down a full time job, being a fulltime parent, thats alot especially with bad health. Only a strong person can handle CP, it is not for the weak kneed and you are far from that. 

No doubt you are a very good mom but you can only do so much. Its like what one of the other posted, its quality time with your kids, not quanity. Some of the others have given you some info and I think everyone pretty much agrees you need proper pain mgt care. Now whether its with your current dr or a new which may be the way you need to go, someone has got to pay attention here and help you out. I would get an appt with the dr for as soon as he is back, if he does not offer up anything in ways of help and relief, then my next step would be searching for a new pain mgt dr and get my PCP to make the ref.

Whatever you do, if you decide to change pain mgt drs, be sure the new dr rx's medication. Not all pain dr do, some do injections and procedures only no meds.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing. I think you will find this group to be one of the most caring groups you can possibly ever find. Please take care of yourself.