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Posted 8/27/2009 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all:

I'm sorry I haven't posted in quite a while, I have been trying to keep up to date on your posts, but I just haven't felt up to posting about myself.

My reason for posting tonight, is that I need your well wishes, prayers, etc. as in addition to pain pain level never going below a nine,  I have been dealing with a very stressful situation.  A couple of months ago, I found a lump in my breast which I felt quite sure was just a cyst (I have had cystic breasts for many years), and I expected it to go away on its own.  Around that time Lindaloo had a scare following a mammogram, and I decided at that point that I really needed to get it checked out.  I went to my PCP, and his PA did a breast exam and was sure it was just a cyst and did not feel any further testing was necessary.  I was not totally comfortable with not doing any testing, so a couple of weeks later, I brought it up to my endocrinologist and she did an exam and decided to order an ultrasound.  I was glad that she was at least following

up on it, but I could not understand why she was only doing an ultrasound, and not a mammogram.

I wanted to get in to see my gynocologist, but her group had just merged with another, and they required that they all work full time, and because she has young children, she only wanted to work part-time, so she had to branch out on her own and it took a few weeks for her to find office space and get set up to see patients.  I finally got in to see her about 2 weeks ago, and after doing an exam, she also felt that it was just a cyst, but she ordered a mammogram and told me to have the sonogram too.  I did that and a couple of days ago, I got a call from my endocrinologist saying that the ultrasound was negative, so I was very relieved, and then completely shocked when I got a call from my gyn later that day telling me that the lump I found was just a cyst, and nothing to worry about, but that there was 3 other areas that they were calling "suspicious" which needed biopsy's. 

Needless to say, I have been full of anxiety, & very upset while waiting for today to roll around as I was supposed to have said biopsy's done this afternoon.  After sitting in the waiting room for over an hour, I finally get called back for the nurse to ask me a few questions, and one of her questions was what did I weigh?  I told her, and she tells me that the table they use to do the biopsy has a weight limit, and I exceed that weight limit.  She said that when the nurse called me to go over the details of what was going to happen today, that she should have asked me my weight.  Now, I am a big gal, I am not going to deny it (although I have been trying very hard despite not being able to exercise, and I have lost 70 lbs in the last 18 months or so), but I am not abnormally large.  I would think they must come across people my size at least a couple

of times a week.

The nurse just handed me my mammogram films and wished me good luck.  She was not willing to give me any direction on where to go next.  I walked out of there thinking if I do have cancer, I guess I'm just sh** out of luck, no treatment for me, because I'm too heavy for their table.  Besides that, I was mortified because everyone within ear shot knew what was going on - I'm sure I was the laughing stock of the office after I left.

My very angry husband drove straight over to my gynocologists office, and even she was shocked - dumbfounded would be more like it - as she said in all her year's of practicing, she never heard of such a thing!  It turns out that my only option now is to have the biopsy's done by a surgeon in the operating room.  The only positive about all this is that if the biopsy looks like it is something bad, the surgeon can take it out right then and there.

I have an appt. with the surgeon next Tuesday afternoon, but I think that that is just a "meet & greet".   The worst part is all of the waiting! 

On top of all of this, my oldest son leaves for college on Friday, and I'm an absolute basketcase over it.  It is his first time leaving home, and his school is 3+ hours each way, and as soon as he gets up there he is planning to look for a room or apartment to rent so that he doesn't have to miss extended periods of work when the dorms close for holiday vacations.  I realize he's doing what he has to, but I can't make that trip both ways in one day, and to stay in a hotel is just too expensive for us right now, so I feel like I'm not going to see him for the next 2 years.

I'm sorry for such a long post, and I thank you for taking the time to read it. 

Lorie

 

Posted 8/27/2009 7:33 AM (GMT 0)
I know that I've never posted to you directly, but considering the time of night that it is for most people, I wanted to at least check in and let you know that there is someone here that is hearing you.

Having to wait I'm sure is almost unbearable. I would be a wreck too. So don't think that you're out of line for being scared. I know that it's nerve wracking to have to wait for the surgeon, but the one who recommended it has a good idea in that if it is something that needs to be taken out....it can be done immediately. So at least take heart in the fact that even though you didn't get the mammogram today, it's really not going to change anything. If you would have been able to have the mammogram today, you would be instead waiting around for test results. With the way that it stands, you're going to get results and action (if necessary) just as soon, if not sooner than you would have with getting the mammogram today.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that issue with them and the "weight restrictions" on the table. I'm not a little woman either. I was 6 foot (oddly I'm shrinking and I'm now only 5' 10") and 250 pounds. I'm not terribly overweight for my frame, and the amount of muscle mass that I carry. The years of lifting weights when I was still in high school has continued to always keep my actual scale number higher than my appearance. But to have something like that said to you, especially where others can overhear, is humiliating. I doubt that people were laughing about you when you left. If I were one of the ones in the waiting room I'd be mortified and I would be re-considering whether I wanted to deal with that nurse. If she was going to treat a patient that way, I'm not sure that I'd want to be a patient that she handled. So try and keep in mind that people could very easily have been warned of this nurse by having heard what happened with you. Maybe it saved someone else from having to experience that kind of discomfort.

I don't know what else to say other than I hope that things turn out okay and that it's only a scare. And, I'm serious, there's no need to apologize for the length of the post. You're scared and you've been treated poorly and you're hurt. We all need to be able to get these fears out onto the table so that we sort them out and deal with them. Hope this response helps you to know that you're not alone here.

Lacey

PS....congrats on the loss of the 70 pounds. It's something to be proud of.
Posted 8/27/2009 7:34 AM (GMT 0)
Lorie, you have alot going on and from my experience trying to deal with all of it together is overwhelming. There does not seem to be much that can be done about speeding up the surgeons schedule but you could call them and add that if they have a cancelation, you would be available on short notice to go in and at least get the meet and greet session over with. I don't know if it will work but it is a try.

With your son being that far away, is it possible to meet him half way to make the trip easier on you and then the hotel would not be an expense? Maybe even giving him a little extra for gas money or trvel expenses which would cut your expenses down and you would still get to see him. Just a thought.

As per the waiting and not knowing, that is something we all experience at different levels and it does increase the anxiety and fears. It sounds like your husband is a good support for you and this is another time when you need to lean on each other for the support and assurance to find the strength to make it through. I will keep you lifted up in prayer.

Posted 8/27/2009 7:50 AM (GMT 0)
Lorie: I am sending you all of the above - encouragement, well-wishes, and prayers. I am so sorry that you had to go through that at your Dr.'s office. There is no excuse for the way they treated you. And to say what they did in front of others is completely inexcusable! That should have been done in the privacy of a separate room. I swear, it's like we are not even human to some of them! Now, about those "suspicious" areas. I am not going to tell you not to worry because of course you are going to worry - who wouldn't? But just try your best to relax and think to yourself that there is nothing you can do until you know what needs to be done. I know that may sound kind of stupid, but it's something my Dad used to tell me and he was a very wise, wonderful man. Do whatever you can to keep your mind occupied. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think it will all be ok. :-)
Posted 8/27/2009 8:00 AM (GMT 0)
Lorie,
I sure can understand your anxiety over this! It's bad enough how you were treated, but then the waiting for the biopsy just adds to it all.

I've had fibrocystic breasts for years, too, and periodically have cysts, once in awhile have had a needle biopsy. In a way, it got me desensitized to getting so anxious waiting for test results because I would just figure there's nothing more I can do. The first couple of times I'd anguish hour by hour, day by day. And they were always negative. Maybe good thing that I can manage the anxiety because now I have to have surveyllance for any worsening of the cell changes already present in my esophagus. It's a weird feeling knowing that you've got to wait every 6 months to have another endoscopy to see if it's developing into actual cancer. But once again, there's no choice.

I'm glad you came and vented here. I bet your stress over your son wouldn't be as bad if you weren't dealing with the biopsy issue. Somehow you'll work that out to see your son more frequently. Besides, they're pretty resourceful about getting rides home - and they usually get homesick, too! So have him try to make friends with someone who lives around your area. There are often bulletin boards students can post to (I guess now it's probably all online!) looking for others who they can share rides with.

((((((((((Lorie))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 8/27/2009 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
Lorie, I can feel for you cause my husband felt a lump in my right breast. It showed up on the mammogram, then my doctor ordered an ultrasound where one lump became two lumps found. A needle biopsy was out because the one lump was behind the other lump. I ended up at the hospital having both lumps removed then had to wait for my follow up doctors appt. for the results. It was negative but the anticipation can be nerve racking. Try to be positive and let us know the results when you find out anything.
Posted 8/27/2009 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie,

I have never had any problems with my breasts, but I do have the gene for ALS (or Lou Gherigs disease) and have to be tested every year for it and it takes a painful six weeks to get the results and so far I have been negative but its the wait that kills you! I would tell you not to worry but you will cause I would! Anytime we have an issue like this we as human beings will worry. The nurse was wrong but maybe in a whole the place you went too was okayyou will have to decide that. My conclusion about nurses are that they are pure evil, I think when we aren't looking that they drink blood and have horns and a tail and the really bad ones eat people! I have spent all my years being sick trying to maintain my looks to some degree, however when you aren't as mobile as you would like weight gain is inevitable. One time my husband went with me to my PCP and when his nasty nurse (sidenote: he is no longer my PCP) called me back and went to weigh me I said out loud "please don't say the weight out loud, I dont want my husband to know some things" and the she kindly said 198 out loud, that was the last time I saw her! And there again every one in the waiting room could hear and like you, I knw they were laughing too because that is what people do, so ignore them who cares what they think, I learned a long time ago not to care about that. Not about your son I know the feeling mine went off into the Air Force and is over a thousand miles from me it sucks and I miss him like the dickens, but we see him a couple times a year and we call each other all the time and now e-mails have become my friend and you will too its just how it is in the beginning, I cried for a couple of weeks and then it started getting better and it will for you too, in the meanwhile you have a bunch of friends here at this forum that you can complain to day or night and we will do our best to comfort you and help you in whatever ways we can.I wish you good luck and I just have this feeling that every thing is going to be okay for you, so take care of yourself til we talk to you again.

Kel
Posted 8/27/2009 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Awe Lorie,
I like you missed taking my daughter to college! I had a procedure scheduled and when we went through the paperwork,
they had the wrong stuff listed and they made me wait 4 1/2 hours before the doctor came out and said we'll have to do
you tomorrow! i was mad, disappointed, and all alone..those nurses were rude to you, weight shouldn't even be a factor
and those nurses should be Fired!...
you have my empathies and i hope the biopsies get done and are normal you'll be in my thoughts and prayers...

Hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lorie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
sorry for the typo's, typing with one hand is hard, keep us posted when you can, okay..
yur friend
Chart....
Posted 8/27/2009 6:21 PM (GMT 0)

   Dear Lorie,

   Good afternoon *huggs* I am so glad you stopped by. I have oftenw odnered how you were doing. I just wish more than anything you didnt have to do this NOW. You have so much already going on. I do not know how you stay so calm and collected. If you could just bottle up your stregenth and send it out to each of us we would be set! I cannot imagine what youa re going through right now, but in prayers and hearts of course!!! If you can maybe try to stop by for chat night? Would love to hang out with you! Stay strong!

*warm huggs*

     dani

Posted 8/28/2009 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie,

Your anxiety is quite understandable! I only wish that there was something that I could do to ease it! I'll say a prayer for you that the surgeon can fit you in quickly & that you receive only good news.

many hugs,
Skeye
Posted 8/28/2009 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie

You were treated badly by that nurse! There is no excuse for that type of treatment, but like any other profession, there are good people in them and not so good people in them! It is unfortunate that you got one of the "not so good people" but as you know not everyone is like that! So please do not let that one bad apple influence how you look at everyone in that profession!

I do hope that you can get adequate test done to determine what those lumps are. The waiting is always the worst part of it! And we all have fear of the unknown! But remember you are not alone here! You do have friends here that care about you, and want to share in your good times and bad times, your joys and your sorrows! We are all here for you!

I do hope everything turns out well for you!

Good Luck!

White Beard

Posted 8/31/2009 8:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hello All:

I'm so sorry that it has taken me several days to thank you all for your posts, prayers, well-wishes, & encouragement. It honestly means the world to me. Whenever I am down, this is the first place I go because I know that you guys truly understand what I am going through.

The surgeon was on vacation so I can not get in any earlier than Tuesday, and I will let you guys know how I make out with him.

My son left for college on Friday and has called me at least 20 times telling me that he hates it there (he won't just admit he's homesick, and he doesn't do well with change). He likes to be busy every waking moment, and was struggling to just relax for a couple of days before classes and work start tomorrow & Tuesday. I told him 2 weeks from now he's going to wish he had some time to be bored!

I do miss him terribly, but he is doing what he needs to do, and I am incredibly proud of him.

Thanks again!

Lorie
Posted 8/31/2009 10:00 AM (GMT 0)
I totally understand your anguish! I too have suffered from fiberous cysts for many years. I've had three scares that about drove me insane waiting for the results. The first (not related to my breasts but still as important) was when after a routine gyn exam my doctor discovered that I had precancerous cells in my cervix. You wanna talk about scared out of my head!!!!! I had a 9 year old child and wondered what I was going to do if it turned bad. But my mom helped me through it and I prayed a lot that things would turn out okay. Anyway after further tests and more pain, they discovered that the precancerous cells were actually cancer!! My worst nightmare had come true. I was devestated to say the least. But...there was hope on the horizon. Lucky I had a fantastic doctor that explained to me that a hyst. would be the best in this case and since I would not be having anymore kids...It was a no brainer! Lucky for me they got all the cancer and I didn't have to have any chemo or other treatments to combat the bad stuff.


Now the second was two lumps that were found during a routine exam by myself. Both were benign and nothing to worry about but, it still scared the hell out of me and I am religious about making sure that I check each month and go in for routine exams. The hardest part is the waiting and my heart goes out to you. I don't know how to tell you to get through it.....I just drove everyone around me crazy LOL. But I can tell you that you will get through this and everything will be fine. My prayers go to your side and I hope that the wait will be short.

Hugssssssssssssss

Scarred

P.S. The reason I told the big scare first is so that maybe by showing my strength I could help ease your mind.
Posted 8/31/2009 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie,
I just wanted to let you know that what your son is experiencing is very normal. I taught college for 12 years and this is a typical freshmen experience! One of the worst things you can do is give in to the homesickness and have him coming home every couple of weeks. Those are the kids that have a more difficult time adjusting. The more he stays there, the more he meets new people, finds the activities he may enjoy, and assimilates into college life. So while I know you miss him, too, and probably want to encourage him to find a way home, the best thing is to plan a date when maybe he can come home - sometimes it's not until Thanksgiving - and encourage him to get involved in his classes and find an activity around campus he enjoys (there are loads of choices!). Try to keep an ear open if he's getting involved with crowds that are doing too much partying (the "weekend" can begin to start on Wednesday night for some of them!) and steer him into a hobby or interest he's never had a chance to pursue. Or a part time job. Or his studies may just keep him busy enough (but ok, most freshmen want to have some fun, too!).

Both of you need to adjust, but this is normal!

And please do let us know how the appointment with the doctor goes!

Hugs,

PaLady
Posted 8/31/2009 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie,
my daughter took her bike with her to college and she's going everywhere on it, we told her no car for this first
semster as she should know how to use mass transit, she rode to church yesterday and has a few new firends,
I hope your son is gettting out there and making friends...I agree with PALady in this is what they need, it's their life now,
we did our best for them, now they gotta do the flying..give him a few days, he'll like it once he has a friend!
withh keep you in my thoughts and prayers with that biospies...
hugz and lots of them...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lorie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Your a good parent, you got your kid into college, remember that!
Prayers....
Posted 8/31/2009 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
Lorie, the nurse is a complete idiot to have acted the way she did no doubt. My thoughts are perhaps there is a very good reason all of this happened the way it did. Perhaps it was not meant for you to have the procedure done at this facility, reasons we mostl likely will never know.

Awe, my friends have gone thru this very same thing when their kids first went away for school. If nothing else the kids may appreciate Mom and home a little more once they leave. He will do fine and I am sure you miss him. Hugs.
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