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I can't believe it, I just can't believe it!

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Posted 1/11/2010 6:19 AM (GMT 0)
I saw a MD on Friday and--I can't even believe I'm writing this--I have to have ANOTHER surgery. I just had surgery on Sept 1. Oh yeah, and this surgery is totally unrelated to the Sept surgery. I am soooooo freaked out, angry, stunned, you name it, that I just can't believe it. How much can one person take. I've told a few close friends and you can see it on their faces, "Again?" They can't believe it too, they can't believe that one person can have this much happen to them. Whoever I was in a past life, I really must have done something really bad (kinda kidding, but kinda not). I dont' even want to tell work that, yet again, the freak has yet another procedure. I'm tired.
Posted 1/11/2010 6:49 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Lucy. I know how you feel. I keep wondering what in heck I've done in my life that has led to my having more surgeries than 10 people that I know and at least one more on the horizon. I am also supposed to have my elbows done to relieve the nerve compression but I just can't make myself do it......and now my wrist.......it never ends.
You have my complete sympathy and understanding.
Sandi
Posted 1/11/2010 5:05 PM (GMT 0)

    Mrsm123! email me! need to talk with you about your elbow. I think I have the same problem, but I found a cure for me that seems to be working. Lets compare notes!

              Michael

Posted 1/11/2010 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
Lucy that is defintly no fun at all, and I am sorry to hear that. I have had many many surgeries myself dating back to when I was 7 years old, it is never fun for us to go through. When I first started to have them, once that dr said the word "surgery" it would make me furious, mad, upsetting, and most of all tired, tired from all of it. But as I have had more and more of them, and my condition has gotten worse I now see some sort of light at the end of the surgery knowing that it may help in some way. I gotta say it has taken alot of time/hospitals to get this mindset but it helps a little more now.

I wish you the best of luck.

Mike

Posted 1/11/2010 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
 

  ~~> "How much can one person take"

     I completly understand. I have lost ALOT in just a very short amount of time. When I was approached with the news of more surgeries on my eyes, (eyes being the least of my worries) I was flat out honest with him.

 

      I said," I am tired of being poked and podded. I understand this series of eye surgeries will need to be done eventually, but I need a break. I really just need to be left alone for a little while, please. Not long but I need some time, for the inside me."

 

       To my suprise he said," I understand and support your decision. David, how do you feel about contining to drive her?"

 

      More of a suprise here!!! David said," I love having time to talk and hang out. I look forward to our drives."

 

  

       So, I guess what Im trying to say is i understand the "endless" feeling.  I hope with all my heart that THIS time is the LAST time you get hit with multiple surgeries in a short amount of time. You must be just down right exhausted from it all. You ve been through so much, it isnt fair. It isnt fair atall that you have to endure through more than any one person should ever have to in an entire life time, let alone just a single short year. I hope that the people where you work dont treat you badly when word gets out of another surgery. You are in our hearts here in new mexico. Stay strong.

 

*warm huggs*

     dani

Posted 1/11/2010 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
I also relate Big Lucy, I hate the flippancy that surgery is announced too. I guess its no sweat for them, but everytime I have more surgery it sets me back. Whether its the anaesthetic or the shock of the surgery or the mess around in meds or a combination, my body goes downhill.
It must be very depressing for you. But we're all there for you, barracking in your corner.

Big hugs, golitho
Posted 1/12/2010 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
BigLucy,
I've been trying to read your thread but computer keeps crashing. I just want you to know I sure understand the feeling. Many of us do. When is enough, enough as far as being cut up and then having to heal. And like Golitho said it does set us back. Our body's are building to just have repeated traumas to it, let alone our psyche!

Is it a surgery YOU feel you need? I remember a few months after my lumbar fusion when there was still pain my NS said he wanted to do another, "traditional" surgery (as opposed to the minimally invasive approach he used) and I said no. I couldn't see that another surgery wouldn't just create more scar tissue over time. So take some time, scream, cry, come here to vent, whatever, and then do your THINKING about whether you're willing to have this surgery, or at least how long you may need to wait, etc. Think about what you need to get through it.

I know those of us who are alone have so much more to deal with when we have procedures, even the small ones. Just getting someone to drive us is a big deal, let alone care over a recovery time after a surgery. Few people "get" that part, and how much more stressful it makes it. And then there's the financial piece. I understand.

Sending you huge hugs!

((((((((((((BigLucy))))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 1/12/2010 9:46 AM (GMT 0)
Aw Big Lucy, so sorry to read what is going on with you. It is a shock to have one surgery and then boom out of no where you need it again. May I ask what kind of surgery is needed this time?

I had the same thing happen to me 7 yrs ago. I had my gallbladder taken out and 6 weeks later on vacation I got sick. They thought it was my appendix so they took them out only to find they were fine, They opened me up lower and found a complete blockage and an abscess of the small bowel. All I can say was it was incredible. Take care and take a few deep breathes.
Posted 1/12/2010 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
Lucy, I'm sorry to hear the frustration you are feeling even in written words. Like others have said, maybe if this is not a life threatening situation you can hold off at least until you can get your feelings in check. Do you see a psychiatrist or counselor? Possibly you need someone to talk to that could help you sort out your feelings.
Posted 1/12/2010 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Lucy,
so very sorry you have to go through in having another surgery. Hopefully this next one will be of benefit to you and that I'll be thinking of you with hopes for success and prayers, lots of prayers...
I can just imagine the scare factor as I would be too. and I wish I had some magic words of comfort.
Please keep us posted and lots more prayers..
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BigLucy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hugz
Posted 1/15/2010 4:45 AM (GMT 0)
I want to thank all that wrote words of support, it means a lot that you didn't just read the post and pass it by without comment--I've been so stunned and overwhelmed this past week I haven't had the emotional energy to respond until now or participate in the forum.

Screaming Eagle - I am confused as to why you would post a comment to someone else on my thread, without acknowledging my post in any way.
Posted 1/15/2010 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
Big Lucy

I wish you well on your up coming surgery, I do hope it is not something major or a really difficult surgery, but even small surgeries can be hard on a person especially if they have to use general anesthesia! Anyway I hope it all works out well for YOU!

Good Luck to You!

White Beard
Posted 1/15/2010 12:24 PM (GMT 0)
Lucy,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dack to back surgeries. Like the others said, I too understand how you feel. Right before I had my eye surgery, well about a week or so before, I was told by my new doc that I have a ruptured accillese tenden that needs to be fixed right away, Like you I was just stunned! I had two major surgeries last year and I'm starting off this year the same way> Oh Poop!

All I can say to you is no matter how hard it gets, it can always be worse so we have to count our blessings as hard as it might be and get on with it. I just keep thinking about all my dear friends here on HWCP who have it much worse than I do and with all the suffering in the world, I really don't have it so bad for now.

Please don't think I'm being cold or insensitive to your problems, what your going through bites! I'll keep you in my prayers dear Lucy, hang in there!!!!
Your buddy>
Big Pete!
Posted 1/15/2010 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Actully Pete, it does bother me when people (and many have) say, "thank God, it could be worse, " b/c I've come to define this as what people say when they don't know anything else to say, or they're tire of hearing it or frustrated--but, I'm not taking it personally, I know this is what people say and I am sooooo use to it. Yeah, it could alway be worse, BUT it could also be way better than this. I know a lot of people that are living good lives who don't get as much as a cold in several years, so, occationally, when I hear that I have to have another surgery or be hospitalizaed again, I feel sorry for myself and I'm stunned and I envy those people who have good health and I want to cry and I don't want to thank my blessings that it's not worse "bitter, table for one."
Posted 1/15/2010 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, I don't normally post here but I'm no stranger to pain. I think when people say that, what they're really thinking is "Thank God, it isn't me. That would be much worse." :-( That's natural, though, I think the same thing to myself sometimes when someone else is talking. I've started just responding with "Yes, because this is surely bad enough!"

After three major orthopedic surgeries in two years, I chose to limp around on a completely blown knee for two years before submitting to the knife again. I do know what it feels like, and my heart goes out to you.
Posted 1/15/2010 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
    Hello Lucy!.....I think that all replies here are given with the best intentions. Most of us or many of us...have trouble writing what we want to say....and maybe we don't use the best language for our intent. The cool thing is that we all do care...and I don't think there are any members that repley just to make

 a showing on the forum. As far as to the "it could be worse" I have to agree with many on it, and I'm greatful that I dont have the horrible problems than many of the members here have. Especially if it comes from a member that is in much worse condition than I'am. I just read a post last week of one member that had 20 surgeries so far...WOW...can you imagine that! Have you ever met a person in passing that asked "Hi..how you doing today?" ...and not really stop to hear the answer? I don't think we would like it if one of our friends would pass our way...and never even acknowledge our presence. I hope you don't take this in a bad way, as It was "not intended to be so!" It is just some food for thought. Surgery is not something anyone of us enjoys...but in my case, I'm looking forward to it. We are all different in how we view things...but when you get right down to the nuts and bolts of it (a man thing)....the bottom line is that we do care for one another here...and we do the best we can with what we have to work with. I'm glad I don't live in Haiti right now....! Take care, and I hope all goes well for you and your surgery, and please keep us updated as well....because we do care! :)

 

   Michael

Posted 1/15/2010 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
(((((((((Lucy))))))))! I'm so sorry that you have to have another surgery. Surgeries are certainly no fun! Who wants more pain, right?! I don't know what type of surgery you have to have, but hopefully this surgery isn't too long & painful, and hopefully it will benefit you greatly in the long run! Keep us posted, we're all here for you!

hugs,
Skeye
Posted 1/15/2010 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you have to face another surgery Big Lucy hopefully you will feel better after the surgery, enough so that you think what you have to go through is worth it. Good Luck Lucy I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you.
Posted 1/16/2010 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lucy!

I so sorry you're feeling like a guinea pig or practice doll at a medical university. It is just so depressing. Any more I can only handle one thing at a time and then it takes a while for my head to recover, let along the body. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Warmest HUGS!

I was thinking as I read through the posts here...if we have a small 'event' that stress our system like a bad cold, a teenager not coming in until 2 AM when midnight was curfew, a spat with a loved one or a trip to the root canal specialist...any one of those is not easy to deal with and most often leave us emotionally drained. But pile on two or three at the same time and what happens??? I know for me it throws me into a mental whirlwind! Often depression either occurs or gets worse or another 'stressor' can hit like the flu since our system is compromised already. Lucy, it's a wonder you are even upright and talking at all!!

Please know that everyone here cares deep in their heart. Many of us want to post but may not be great with words and it comes out all wrong. We try to say something we think will help and partly because we're not in person it just doesn't come out the way we mean it. I'm sure no bad feelings are intended on either end of the subject...it's just hard.

We love you Lucy!
Chutzie
Posted 1/16/2010 3:28 AM (GMT 0)
 

   Dear Lucy,

 

     Good evening *warm huggs* I am glad you stopped by. I was wondering how you were doing. You keep taking hit after hit after hit and it isnt right you have to deal with it all. *hugg* Have you decided when (if?) you are going to have the next surgery? How do you think your work will feel about it all? Will your boss be supportive? if you dont want to answer, no worries! I know you are under ALOT of stress right now. Sheesh, even saying "alot of stress" seems like the understatment of the century!!!

 

     I was thinking about the sentences we all hear alot?  I hear, "well it cant be that bad, wait til you get older". ... smhair I know my mother in law and father in law mean well when they say it....But, telling me that are over the phone (husbands family in florida)and have no clue what I have lost or that I would look like a stranger to them if they were to see me right now.  I just dont talk about what is happening to me, and the only people that see me or know about my repairs (surgicals) is my husband, daughters, school administration, medical professionals and all of you here at healing well. I wonder if I will still hear that when I travel to florida this summer? Boy are they in for a suprise..... Maybe I should warn them that "older" arrived sooner than planned...smilewinkgrin

 

     Well, I wont chat endlessly. I know you have alot stress and dont worry about posting. We just want to know how you are doing.

 

*huggs*

  dani

Posted 1/16/2010 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
Lucy,
Just wanted you to know I was still thinking about you and wanted to post a quick note while my computer was letting me.

One thing I always find refreshing about you is your honesty. I like that. And I "get" it.

((((((((((BigLucy)))))))))))

PaLady
Posted 1/16/2010 4:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Lucy!...I just reread some of the post here, and realized that I did exactly what you said....humm....was not intended....I got to mrsm123's comment, and it struck me, that she may be suffering the same thing that I do...so I left a quick note. I guess if you don't know the whole story..I can see why you would ask the question. First....I'm checking HW CP forum while at work...but I do often take a quick glance to see if I can help out with new members or for that fact anyone I can. I also check in an a couple of members on a daily basis several times a day to see how they are doing by either text or email. As soon as I posted a quick note to mrsm123..I went back to the machine I run and did not make it back....please note that I'm on 60 to 90mg of pain meds on a daily basis...so my attention can easily get distracted. I did later leave you a post and wished you well...so I do monitor the site as much as I can. Sorry if it upset you..but I certainly hope you can understand the situation. My best to you, and hope your doing well.

Michael

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 1/15/2010 10:07:58 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/16/2010 8:09 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sitting here trying to think about what to say, how to express what I'm feeling/thinking, but everything overwhelms me right now. I know some of you can relate to this: have you ever been so overwhelmed, anxious, tired, that you feel that any minute you might lose it? Scared, because you don't know what exactly will happen when you actually give in to the overwhelming emotions. Well, that's what I've been dealing with this week AND still managed to go to work b/c I just got off medical disability and somehow, someway, in a month, I will have to do it all over again (go back out on medical disability).
I do want to thank every one for all the support. I am super sensitive right now and everything, I mean anything can cause me to have an out of context response. I will admit that one of my sensitive spots is when people offer advice/suggest being "positive" or the it could be worse/be thankful you don't have what other people have comments. One of the ways I've been able to deal with CP/chronic illness for so long is being completely real about my situation: not blaming, no why me's and allowing myself to have negative feeling/emotions for awhile. I went to a psychologist once who's "specialty" was positive cognitive restructuring, I attempted it--briefly--and I found it too exhausting (humm, interesting, that was five years ago, where does the time go).
Now please take this knowing I'm in a very dark place and dark humor is what I'm all about, but I just knew someone would bring up Haiti, when I read that I actually laughed out loud b/c I anticipated it. I've started to disclose my pending surgery to several co-workers and a couple people have also stated, "at least you don't live in Haiti," as if my only options in life are CP or a devestating natural disaster.

Tired now, hopefully someone will understand.
Posted 1/16/2010 10:24 AM (GMT 0)
Lucy,
I'm really sorry I ofended you w/ my "it always could be worse" comment. Please know that I had no intention to lecture you but as I read my coments over again, thats just how it sounded and I can see why you took offence! With that being said please let me explain further.

When I was a small boy, my grandmother taught me to be sympathetic to others who are worse off than me. She always said> "There by the grace of God goes I" When I posted to you yesterday I was feeling really guilty because I hadn't posted to or tried to help anyone here in 10 days, the most time I've stayed away since I started posting here long ago.

I just had a tumor removed from my right eye on Weds. and although my eye was killing me w/ 8 or more stitches in it, I felt as though I should read and reply to several people here at HWCP because when I need help, they are always there for me. I tried to read through some posts and picked out 4 or 5 of my dear friends who seemed like they were having a really bad time to write back to. You were one of those people Lucy.

In my heart I did mean well although to be truthfull, the way I was hurting bad, I was struggling with every word and couldn't wait to be finished with my posting. My Grandmother's words just kept ringing in my ears and I guess they came out in my posts. I don't think you were the only one I was preaching too either. I am truely sorry because I do know how you feel and how sick we CP'ers get w/ the constant advice from people who have no idea what we are going through. Like I mentioned in my first post, I too have to have another unexpected surgery ASAP and I'm still waiting for the pathology report from the tumer they took off my eye which could make it cancer #3 for me!! I'm only stating this so you know that I do understand what you have been going through!

Dear Lucy, we don't know each other very well yet and I really hope we can put this behind us and become good friends. Like you, I have a lot going on in the near future and could use the support of all the old & new friends I have!!!!!

Here's a big hug for you Lucy from a not so bright old guy in Fla.
Your Friend>
>Pete
Posted 1/16/2010 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Pete: cry Take care, my friend.
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