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Posted 2/20/2010 7:48 AM (GMT 0)

Hi, I was in a car accident 2 years ago, I was going to work 6 weeks after my back surgery on t10-t11 and a car pulled out in front of me and I T-boned the car with my truck. I ended up having to have surgery 5 months later. I am so stressed out and sick of bills piling up. I just found a pain MD this last May whom I trust. The pain was excruiating in my back and legs. It took 4 nerve block injections that didn't work, PT helped a little with how I should change my postures and do stretching exercises. It took 1 month ago of medication adjustment with embeda,Vicodin, and Flexiril and Ambien. My pain is down to a 2-3 daily, but it doesn't matter,because I can't even get caught up with the bills. that is one reason why I am up at this time in the morning. STRESS. My lawyer is trying to settle the case, I stopped paying my credit card bills and the phone rings constantly because the collection agencies want their money. I thought 40 was an age where your life begins, mine is going down the toiletcry I am so afraid that I am going to lose my husband and he will be angry if I file bankruptcy next week, he said everything will be OK but will it. I need to slow down at work, I tried to keep up with bills, I worked for 2 years so much overtime, never saw the kids much. I just needed to vent because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Sometimes I want to just get in my truck and drive away but in all honesty that would not solve my problems.

Posted 2/20/2010 8:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hello cpcrazy! Welcome to our forum! I guess, I'm up too, worried over my surgery coming up next week. We are glad that you joined the CP forum, and stress can really get to a person, and it does not help the pain issue either. My question, is when the lawyer settles the case, are you on the wining side of things there? If so, that should help you to be able to pay off the bills right? It sounds like the other car was at fault. I was thinking that lost wages might an issue in the settlement. Lets, hope some of the members here, can help tomorrow morning.

SE
Posted 2/20/2010 9:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Cpcrazy,
Well, it's the wee hours of the morning and I'm up because my sleep schedule is so wacky I can't keep track of it any more. And like with you, a lot of it is stress - including (maybe especially) over finances.

One thing I want to say to you is that you are definitely not alone. Not only don't many people understand what CP brings to our physical health, they don't have a clue how the rest of our lives unravel in front of our eyes. Sometimes I feel like my life has just disintegrated into dust and slipped right through my hands.

Please keep coming here to vent and share and maybe get some ideas. It must have been doubly hard on your body to have that car accident so shortly after surgery. You internal sutures probably weren't even healed - did you have a fusion at the T10-11 level? I hope your husband will be willing to sit down with you and maybe an attorney or debt counselor to look at what your best options are. There are so many people dealing with economic hardship now at least I know I'm not alone in that - sad to say.

Anyway, I do want to welcome you!

PaLady
Posted 2/20/2010 10:22 AM (GMT 0)
Yes welcome cpcrazy and you've fought a courageous fight with your health issues and getting your life where its bearable physically for you , you've done a wonderful job .It sounds like your husband is behind you %100 , take solace in that , how much he must love you ! You can always make money I think but having health is priceless . Venting is healthy and this is a great place for it , welcome again friend !
Posted 2/20/2010 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi CPCrazy,

Welcome to the HealingWell Chronic Pain forum. I am so glad that you have joined us. Remember that stress only makes our pain worse. So let your attorney do the worrying. That is what you pay them for. And I hope that this turns out well for you.

Don't feel alone. My friend is going through the same thing, she even had to get a legal seperation from her husband. But I guess we have to do what we have to do. I get calls from bill collectors too. I just don't talk to them. That is what my attorney advised. Never say that you will try to pay. I think in your case though the bills will be disolved. Not really sure how that works. I couldn't claim bankruptcy because I own my home and then they could have tried to take it.

Remember 'NO STRESS' Try to relax. be it meditation or just some deep breathing and gentle stretching exercises. Take care of you now. Let the lawyer do the rest.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/20/2010 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for giving me a pep talk, everything helps. Mikel, the lady got right out of the car and took 100% fault,but my lawyer says the case might be sticky because I had my last followup with the surgeon 1 week after the accident and I wasn't released by the surgeon. He did a diskectomy and spinal cord decompression at T10-T11. The surgeon has only seen a couple cases like mine and the attorney couldn't even find a similar accident case to follow for settlement. PaLady, I have been reading your posts and I hate money, I told my husband he could have the money if I ever see it. I have my mind and I guess chronic pain is something I will learn to deal with(I could have something worse) I am goind to be forty and now that I have the pain under control, other things are falling apart, I need glasses(how I will pay for them who knows) I have the week off and if the attorney doesn't get back to me then I need to file bankruptcy Chapter 13, I don't even have the luck to file chapter 7. I want to get up in the morning, not think about bills, not worry about the collectors calling me and calling work, and go get a pack of smokes which I barely can afford. My girls love me, the 8 year old doesn't undertand but my 13 year old does, we used to give her or buy anything for her, I feel I let her down, but she's tough, gets straight A's and I would like to put her thru college. Whe the money situation really kicked in 5 onths ago, my husband yelled at me blaming me, but now he can see how stressed out I am and he told me the other day, I have my health. I feel out love has grown but once I file bankruptcy and everything goes down the toilet, I think he wo't be by my side and just get angry.
Posted 2/20/2010 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Karen,
I was typing as you sent me a message. I try to relax and my mind keeps spinning and asking myself What if? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I worked so hard and it's not about me anymore it's about the kids I placed on this earth, they don't deserve this, they deserve better. I get so stressed sometimes, my head just pounds until I get a headache and then I have to calm myself down. I think about the good times.
Posted 2/20/2010 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Screaming Eagle,I hope your surgery goes well, you are in my prayers cpcrazy
Posted 2/20/2010 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
You will survive this. It isn't easy. But try not to compare to what you once had, just take it as it comes. One day at a time is all that any of us can do. I know that it is frightening. And then you get the 'what ifs'. But don't let that take control. Try to stay in the here and now. In the moment. And know that stressing only makes your pain worse. Enjoy your children. There are many things that you can do that doesn't take money. And that brings you closer together in the meantime. I know that it is hard, and it is scarey. There is a lot there to worry about. But remember, worrying doesn't change anything, it is only wasted emotions. Emotions that bring us down and deplete our energy and cause more pain. Stay in the now. Enjoy the kids and your husband. And one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/20/2010 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
Cpcrazy,
This is a journey, learning to live with CP. I haven't figured it all out yet, and maybe never will. I do think there are parts of it we simply have to endure. Now that's not saying we should be in pain, or have sleepless nights because of not being able to pay the bills, etc. (both of which I have! LOL), but there are some times where it's all going to get to us. I think the trick may be to have that be just "times" and not all the time, if you catch my drift. And some periods are huge adjustments. Financially I think it's an enormous adjustment for most of us, unless you're extremely wealthy.

I look at the people who are farther down the road than I am, who at least have received their SSDI or some source of income, have adjusted their lives, and have at least some quality to life as an inspiration to pull me forward. It's a little like navigating a mine field.

But we're not alone, and that to me is a godsend.

PaLady
Posted 2/20/2010 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there! welcome. sorry that you have to be here. I understand about money. I am broke because of all my illnesses. mostly the cost of copays and meds. It is crazy. Its hard not to stress over money.


best of luck to you.
hugs,
melissa
Posted 2/21/2010 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
I don't think I will ever figure it out, but I am going to give my best to try and understand. CP is horrible to have, but yet when I feel like I don't even want to get out of bed to start the day, I have pain that wakes me up and my body forces me to start the day, clean the house, go to work, because the demon inside of me(pain) just laughs at me when I lay down or sit too long almost as if it is laughing and saying you aren't going to sit too long, if only pain could talk LOL I guess that got a laugh out of me with a smile. Thanks for all you guys support cpcrazy
Posted 2/21/2010 8:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hi cpcrazy...

I just wanted to welcome you to the board... I'm sorry for all that you are going through; but I'm glad that you found our forum for support.

I don't think I'll ever figure it all out either....unfortunately! This is NOT what I thought life would look like at this point of life...(36 years old, with six children needing me, and chronically ill).

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh...(or cry!). Right? :)

The only thing, for me, that slightly helps is trying to live in the moment, one day at a time. If I start looking at the "bigger" picture, and thinking about everything all at once....my anxiety gets out of control and I'm a mess. So, I try to just live to make it through each day, the best that I can.

Oh, and the other thing that really helps is coming here...and seeing that others really do "get it".

I hope to get to know you better... Take care, Tina
Posted 2/22/2010 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Momto6boys,
You sound like you have it harder than me, but I will keep trying to put the stress behind me. I am looking towards the future to how I can be the best Mom to the girls. It gets hard not to yell at times when I am in a lot of pain, but I shouldn't be taking myself out on them. I have mellowed in the last couple of years. My husband tends to think I am too soft on them now, but I don't like to yell. I am a RN Supv at a nursing home with 200 beds. I am the only management on the PM shift to run the nursing home adequately. I usually refer the nsg assts as my kids because some are young college kids and they act like my kids at home at certain times, I cover the nurses and it's not a easy job. It is the only job that I could do at this point in my career. I love my job and I don't like to make mistakes. How old are your boys? Do you work? When I was younger that is all I wanted to do is work work, now that I am older, I will take a day off or take vacation and it feels so good to be a mom and they love it when I am at home. At that point, it's hard to return to work and get back into the routine. I am sorry I am asking so many questions, but I noticied in your history that you have Cer/Thor back pain. Does that disc feel like a rock and there is a deep pain. Here goes to the future again, I worry about being slumped over because I can feel that I am losing a lot of muscle tone and I know that is not good. This morphine ext release pill he has me on is goofing up my sleep cycle, I take it mid morning and I will be up til 2AM and I still take 2 vicodin, 2 flexiril and 1 ambien. I tried to take the pill earlier in the morning but by the time I am at work I can feel it starting to wear off and the pain is there and then I end up sleeping in the morning 10 or 11 AM. I thought the pill would take care of the pain and I would be able to back off of the vic and flexeril but it is not happening. I see the doc in 1 week and I don'tknow if I should ask for stronger vic or be able to take the morphine 2X/day. When we talked about the meds 2 months ago, he first asked me if I wanted a patch, maybe that would even everthing out. He listens to me and gives me options. I just don't like playing around with the meds. It scard me the first time I took an ambien Enough about me, tell me more about you cpcrazy
Posted 2/22/2010 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
PAlady--You are a godsend, I hope everything works out with your disability. Disability is not set up the wasy it should be in this country. The people who need it don't get it without a fight and the lazy people in this world that don't want to work get it very easy. I had a friend who got disability. She has Fibro and the psychiatrist prescribes her a boat load of pills, she sees no pain doc and he gave her the diagnosis of Bipolar and that was the ticket don't know how but she is capable of working but won't has a child, lives with her boyfriend who works. It makes me angry cpcrazy
Posted 2/22/2010 3:55 AM (GMT 0)
merrygirl--Hi just wanted to say thanks for getting on the conversation about money I feel so lowto the ground with the credit cards. For the last 2 years we lived on the cards to buy groceries, gas, cigarettes and I would use peter to pay paul and open some money on another credit card to buy the kids clothes and it went on and on and on
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