I overdid it this weekend

My husband and I took my daughter to the Children's Museum on Saturday, which was hard for me, but not too bad. I sat while she played much of the time. He did much of the chasing after her. We realized later that day that we hadn't brought her to the beach yet this year, and felt badly about this. She was afraid of the beach last year (at 2 yrs old), and so I didn't want to completely avoid it this year since I wanted her to get used to it. So we planned a beach trip with her grandfather for yesterday. I tried to be careful, but way overdid myself. I was in rough shape last night, and in even rougher shape this morning. I dragged myself to work, even though I really wish I could have stayed home. I'm almost out of paid time off, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Get my doc to approve me for short term disability, perhaps? I don't know how this all works. I used to love my job and was great at it, but now I dread coming to work and have a lot of trouble keeping up with my responsibilities at work. I can't keep up mostly because I'm distracted by the pain, not because my job is physically demanding. There really isn't any way to modify it to make it more doable. I work in an office at a university. I have been given an excellent chair to sit in, have consulted with an ergonomics expert in setting up my desk, and everyone helps me out when anything that weighs much of anything needs to be moved. If they see me touch anything that weighs more than perhaps 5 lbs they'll run at me and take it away. I feel like I'm letting my boss down, even though I know it's not my fault. I have no idea how to handle this.

I'm sitting at work right now, trying to work on some dictation. The nerve pain is so bad, even after taking all the medication permitted. It's like many needles poking me in my rear end and feet. And patches on my legs keep feeling cold or wet, even though they aren't. I don't know how much longer I can handle this pain. I'm sorry for this rambling. I needed to get it out. I just want to cry right now, but of course I'd look ridiculous crying at work.

D,

I understand how you feel. I too had a desk type job before my pain became unbearable, and was forced to leave it. Unfortunately, my short or long term disability didnt apply since my condition is not a recognized chronic illness by their standards. Surprise was I worked for a hospital system. Not to scare you, but disability is a very valid choice in this circumstance. There are days that the pain is so bad it is impossible to stay on task, let alone get up and down or make decisions. I hope things get better for you soon.

You arent rambling, all you have posted are valid feelings or fears, and normal frustration for the situation you are in. I wish there was more that I could do for you than just words, but you are not alone. I have been there, and I am sure many others here have as well. If you need to vent, or just have some understanding, I am here.

Cry if you need to. I used to cry in the bathroom everyday before I resigned. If I didnt cry, I ended up feeling worse about myself than releasing my pent up emotions. At times crying can be cathartic, and the release it provides can help even just a small bit.

My heart goes out to you, and realize we are all here to listen and help. You arent letting your boss down either. You dont have to carry everything on your shoulders. The best thing my old boss ever told me was that employees can be replaced, maybe not as experienced or awesome as you are, but your family, friends and health can not be replaced. Your health and emotional well-being is more important than any job you have.

You are in my prayers, and will help you any way I can. I have been there, and it is difficult to go through.
Mindy