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Posted 9/10/2010 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
hey everyone

im sorry but i just need to vent and some support..

today i got up to go to school having had next to no sleep so i wasn't in the best frame of mind and was a bit fragile..

i walked into school and my head of year tells me to come sit down in the middle of the great court where the whole school was sitting eating all around us.. she confronted me to tell me she was angry at me because i hadn't been to my careers lesson (she had said i didn't have to go if i went to the library and did study to catch up on work) and had used her to get out of it and go and watch my friends PE lesson.. She just kept going off at me about it and was really confronting and unpleasant about it and there were so many people around us it just didn't feel like i could tell her the reason and it just wasn't right sitting there instead of in her office. Anyway seeing as i was already fragile this just really got to me.. the reason i had gone to the PE lesson was because it was my first day back at school, i was absolutly exhausted and dizzy and just not with it at all, i was going to the library to study but i had nothing to do because i hadn't been able to speak to my teachers about catchup work and i knew i wouldn't be able to concentrate and would just get frustrated at myself so when someone said oh just come sit and watch our PE lesson i just didn't think about anything and went with them.. I wasn't distracting anyone i was just sitting there completely out of it just dreaming haha and it didn't impact on their lesson.. anyways i explained that to my head of year in an email because i couldn't do it then and there (she hasn't replied) but my mum called her to just explain it to her that im still really not doing too well and not actually feeling up to school but still coming just because i dont want to get anymore behind. she understood and just had assumed that because i had been at school and acting like i was alright that i was. and she had just thought that i should have spoken to all my teachers and caught up on work but when mum told her i wasn't better yet at all i think she understood that. she also said that she had been told by my careers teacher i had been missing the lessons for the whole term to do nothing, which i told her wasn't true and i had only missed one and it wouldn't happen again and the other ones i had missed i had been working my butt off in the library to get up to date with work. At first she didn't believe me but she checked with the PE dept and they said it was true it was only one lesson and i had helped with it and wasn't a distraction for others. She also asked the library staff and they told her that i had been working in there alot and when they had seen me i was working hard, so i think she now believes me!! I'm just worried i have lost her respect and i really like her and look up to her so i'm upset about this and just can't get it out of my head.. there were other things that went on that she said to me but mum cleared them up and she said sorry she got angry at me but i just can't get this out of my head and wish it hadn't happened :( i wasn't thinking and i didn't even click that i shouldn't have gone.. but she made such a huge deal out of it :(

I guess just being worried about up coming tests (medical) and lots of catching up at school and things going on with my friends (helping one get over annorexia now) and another friend having surgery today its all just got to me and i can't cope with it... i just can't get it out of my head and can't stop crying i just wish none of this had happened!!

I guess i just thought i always could talk to her and never expected her to just assume i was doing something completely wrong when it was a one off and just confront me like that without asking what actually happened.. I thought the teachers had said they understood what i was going through and would be supportive and understand if i couldn't do all the work at the moment and they knew i had promised to catchup in the holidays. I'm just a bit upset about this all and i know this isn't really to do with chronic pain but its just the whole them not understanding after i've just got out of hospital and still not doing well..

Sorry vent is over now.. Thanks for listening. I hope you are all doing okay.

hugs.
Posted 9/10/2010 6:28 AM (GMT 0)
Buttercup, it sounds like it was a tough day when this happened, and with you feeling fragile as you said, you weren't in the proper frame of mind to deal with it. I don't agree with your Head of Year discussing her issues with you in the middle of a crowd...that's extremely unprofessional, and I can't believe that any teacher in their right mind would do a thing like that. She was wrong to single you out in a crowd to discuss a personal issue, and I think she owes you an apology for that.

That being said, it sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now. Your health isn't great, you're emotionally fragile and (no offence) you're a teenage girl. That means hormone issues on top of everything else. I really think that if you're not currently seeing a counsellor, you might want to consider it, so you can learn how to manage your stress and anxiety, and your inability to "let go" of issues when they've happened. The longer you allow that stress and anger to boil, the worse the explosion is going to be when it happens...and it will happen.

Big hugs to you Buttercup. Everything will be okay in the end.

Pam
Posted 9/10/2010 11:17 AM (GMT 0)
Big hugs Little Sister! I wish I could help more! Good luck w/ your tests!!!
Love>
Big Bro> Pete
Posted 9/10/2010 11:43 AM (GMT 0)
MsBunky is right buttercup. It was very unprofessional to do that in front of a crowd. Dont beat yourself up over a mistake either. We all make mistakes, and that is how I learn! It sounds like you had a rotten day. I hope things are better for you today. I am here to listen, as we all are.

Giving you great big hugs!

Mindy

Posted 9/12/2010 12:31 PM (GMT 0)
thanks everyone :)
just thought i would let you know, i just recieved a huge apology email from her saying she knew i wouldn't purposely do the wrong thing and she was in the wrong etc. :) xxx
Posted 9/12/2010 1:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Buttercup,

I was so happy to see that you were back when I checked my computer a few minutes ago. I've been very worried about you. I was up earlier and I'm not sure if I posted or not, but I fell back asleep in the recliner and woke up two hours later to ice cold coffee and a telephone ringing.

Anway, about what you have just experienced....I'm not familiar with your school and with your practices there. Here, it is very different. I recently switch my daughter from a public school to a private school and she is experiencing every type of drama you can imagine just from being the new kid in school. Enough about her though.

A person, any person, of authority should NEVER address another person negatively in a group of their peers unless they are attempting to stop some kind of uprising. This is what happened to you. You were negatively addressed in a group of your peers and had very resonable anxiety from that experience.


Buttercup....I'm not much for school counselors and many times (despite their promise not to, they discuss you with others), but I highly recommend you find a psychiatrist (because they can prescribe meds) or at least a psychologist (who will prescribe meds) through another Dr.) to talk to. You are wonderful here, but I get the feeling that you are sort of alone feeling most of the time. You need a live person (preferably who has already gone through the younger years in life) to talk to. I talk to to a wonderful man and he has helped me greatly. He understands that I am depressed because of chronic pain, but also that I can't take anti-depressants. He understands that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (which began when I was way younger than you...even though I diidn't understand it then) and he gives me meds to help with the anxiety. He even gives me meds to sleep because it's like my brain won't turn off and I can't stop thinking about the things that happened during the day.

Now I am NOT a Dr, but you recently had a time where breathing was very hard for you and I haven't seen an update on that one yet, but if they didn't find anything medical, it could easily be anxiety.....this Dr. could help with that!

I want to see you find yourself and do all the things in life that you are meant to do....whatever path that is. I wish for you so hard that you could find such a Dr. to help you find your way. You have medical needs and this type of Dr. will know exactly who can help you with those. Dr's always have friends in the profession and they know who is the best match for the other patients.

I think you are a wonderful girl and I'm very sorry you had to face such a situation. It's bad enough being behing (I know that from my daughter), but now you have another anxious situation to deal with on top of that. If it were my daughter, I would take her to the psychiatrist because I know it would be best for her to grow up feeling secure and safe and to eliminate all that anxiety from her life.

All my best!
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