Posted 3/4/2011 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
I really don't think I am coping too well at the moment.. Haven't broken down yet but I'm sure its not far away haha.. Doctor told me the other day that the treatment managed to kill off some of the parasite which is why i was feeling a lot better for a few weeks but since then it has progressed even further and he has to talk to other doctors to see if it is treatable with more anti biotic or if i have to fly somewhere to get treatment.. I have now been back at school for 5 weeks... and man has it been a challenge! I leave for school at 7am, and get home at 6.30pm most nights because I stay after school to do my homework where teachers are around to help me study because of my medications and the progression of the parasite in me it has caused "temporary memory loss and impaired concentration" so it is near impossible to take anything in, in class so I have to put hours of effort in every night to learn the concepts. by the time I get home I am exhausted but force myself to go for a walk or a run because otherwise i get about 2 hours sleep if I don't do exercise.. I then have to cook dinner for the family because my mum works late and my brother basically does nothing but my parents baby him so so much and act like he shouldn't have to do anything just because he isn't very good socially.. When he's 17 he should be out working or at least helping around the house instead of getting meals cooked for him! ahh sorry to complain so much it just frustrates me so much! anyway by the time we have had dinner its about 8.30pm.. and i have study to do.. i finish that around 10.30 have a shower and i'm in bed. Even though i feel like i could sleep for weeks by the end of the day I can never get to sleep for hours or stay asleep because of the pain. I put so much effort in at school to do well and please everyone, I have studied so much and basically cut out any enjoyment time for myself because its impossible to do anything other than for like 2 hours on a weekend with the amount of work I have to do to get things into my head because of this parasite in me :( I have got over 80% in most of my tests this year which is a huge improvement from last year and the work is a whole lot harder which i guess shows the hard work is paying off.. but i just feel like i can't do this anymore :( i try so hard but nobody sees and my jobs at home are to cook dinner, vaacum the whole upstairs and clean the bathroom every day... my brothers are to feed the dog and do the washing and he is home all day everyday doing nothing it just doesn't seem fair! Ahh i just can't stop wondering why this is happening to me and what i did to deserve it! My teachers don't really know much, they just assume I am better because I tell people I am feeling okay.. When I'm sure you all understand when we say we are good or okay.. it means compared to how we normally feel not compared to the rest of the pain free people, people don't understand and its so hard to get teachers to understand that one night i might not do my homework its not because i am just lazy it's because i went home vomiting and fainting etc... anyway vent over thank you to everyone that bothered to read this! Hopefully soon I will be able to get on more
Miss you all xx