HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

How do you handle the crazies?

Support Forums
>
Chronic Pain
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 12/21/2011 6:17 AM (GMT 0)
Everyone knows someone who is just plain rude or thoughtless. What about the person in your life that you know is vindictive, gossipy, or just plain evil? Please tell me I am not the only one with people like this in their life?! How about the people in public who get mad that you took a handicapped parking spot, motorized shopping cart, or have a loving spouse who drives to the door to drop you off and pick you up? Yes, I have been chewed out by a woman who was mad that I made my hubby drop me off at the door.

So what do you do when confronted with this not-so-nice person? Tell them Santa is bringing them coal for Christmas?

I have no contact with some family for various reasons. This person I know from church who is gossipy, rude, and thoughtless happens to be spying for the family we have no contact with. Well, we no longer go to that church, so she now has nothing to feed my family's drama. She must have told someone a huge lie or something because now I am getting bombarded by stuff that is all centered around what I supposedly did to her and coming from my family. That's just what I wanted for Christmas, lies and drama from family I don't speak to! Can you feel the sarcasm?

Really, how do you avoid the drama and chaos caused by this type of person? I am working on not letting it bother me, and having limited success, but still success. With CP, picking my battles or deciding what to act on and what to simply write off is essential to my emotional ability to handle my pain and the challenges I face everyday. I learned that here from my friendships with all of you.

So I ask for advice on how to handle the crazies, the rude ones, the people who are drama kings and queens looking to use my
"issues" and spreading lies if that will feed their need for drama. Ignoring them is my current strategy, and I was wondering if anyone has better ideas.

Just for the record, I like to respond to rude and inappropriate questions and comments with something sarcastic to bring the attention on their rudeness, but it generally goes over their heads.

Guess smacking my head would work too huh?
Posted 12/21/2011 7:18 AM (GMT 0)
Monty's mom,
Good to see you! it's been a while, I have been busy and not in the "healing well" mood, ya know? But I am back.
I am sorry you are dealing with so much ..stress can be sucha bugger on our "issues" but I think you know the answer to your question.."pick your battles" and really try not to let it bother you. We have more than enough going on than to worry about what other people think. But I can say I think we all have a "crazie" in our midst somewhere..i just try to take as little as I have to with them..good luck and take care, Leslie
Posted 12/21/2011 12:41 PM (GMT 0)
Isn't this funny I was just talking to a friend about this very subject the other day.

Personally I find the thoughtless rude sarcastic comments come from family and people you think are your friends. As hard as it is sometimes for me I just ignore it. Most;y those comments come from people that are so miserable to their own lives, that its their goal to make everyone else around them miserable. Do I think its right, absolutely not, but I can't be bothered to waste my time and energy on negative people.

Everyone finds some way to deal with people like that. I can only tell you what works for me. I ignore it because by responded it just feeds their ignorance.

If I park in a handicapp spot its because my doctor feels I need to. If my husband drops and picks me up at the door its because I'm having a rough day. It nobody's business by mine and my families.

I probably didn't help out much but trying to rush through. Need to get my 8 year old ready for school and dropped off with her pizelles for her class party.
Posted 12/21/2011 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
I have a crazy in my family. my spouse and I ignore him and his wife. They dont exist. No family reunions for us because that couple comes to the reunion.

No christmas cards are exchanged between us. the entire extended family knows this We get along with them.

So just ignore the mean looks at stores when you try to run over a fellow shopper with your motorized cart.

Happy Holidays

Betsey
Posted 12/21/2011 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
Lasardo! Its good to see you back! I was AWOL for a while too, just didn't feel I had anything to offer anyone, but I still read the posts and kept up on things. I am glad that you have come back!

You are all right, ignoring it is best. I think part of why people get mad about the carts during the holidays is because I am in their way. Any other time they are usually nice, smile, or ask if I need help, others just walk around me like I don't exist. Now they see a 31 year old woman with two teen boys and wonder why she is in a cart other than laziness. Its none of their business, even if I am pampered enough to get dropped off or picked up and ride in a cart. They are probably just jealous because their hubbies don't do it for them, or they don't have a nice friend that does that with them.

Thank you all. This is such a place of support.
Posted 12/22/2011 11:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mindy,

As the old saying goes, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. You can, however, choose to deal with them or not. Some I no longer choose to deal with....so I don't....period. I don't go to family functions if they are going to be there. I don't talk about them to other family members. I don't try to call and mend fences (anymore). And, I don't find any reason to change for somebody just because they happen to be in the same "family". They don't contribute to my life in a positive way, so I have removed them. It's really much better that way, as nobody gets hurt anymore and nobody feels the need to mediate or take sides.

As far as the people in the stores....who cares what they think! I mean really?????? I have seen some people do some things in stores that I simply could not believe. A few months ago, I even saw some young people in a large chain store posing in front of the fruit section in their immitation clothing (of TV stars)....as if they were making a joke of the poor people who have to shop at such a "low class store". It was just a nationwide chain store, but goodness, how unnecessary was that. Of course, they were making such rude and nasty gestures and the language was completely unacceptable!!! I even came home and told my daughter (12) what I had seen and detailed their attire to her and she found the whole thing distasteful and pathetic.

Don't you see....the people who are in need real assistance are not pathetic, the people who see others in need and do nothing are pathetic. Worse yet are the people who find it in themselves to mimic or make fun of disabled people. We are only human and I know I never thought it could happen to me! In one wrong move, my life was changed forever. Of course, I didn't see the cruelty around me until I was the one needing help. Now I see cruelty and kindness where before I just saw nothing.

All my best Mindy!
Posted 12/22/2011 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
So well put retiredmom..it is they who are miserable and pathetic and I refuse NOW to let their poison into my life (at least I try really hard-lol)

And I do remember when I was healthy I was always respectful of others, but I had a good upbringing-disrespect was just not allowed, no matter who it was. I don't think society does such a good job of that nowadays. I know my teenage daughter is far more compassionate having had a disabled Mom.

Merry Christmas to you all!!

Maggie
Posted 12/22/2011 5:56 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Monty's Mom

It must be the time of year when stores are at their busiest that brings out the worst in people. Not to say that the rest of the year people are always kind. I was recently at Walmart and when I got to the shelf I was looking for there was an older gentleman standing in front of it. I excused my self and reached around him to get what I needed when he says" HEY ". A little shocked and expecting some rude comment I was prepared for the worse. He said "  I'm gonna move out of your way because out of the 1000 people who have already passed me your the only one who was polite enough to say excuse me. I realized he was right because I couldn't remember the last time I had heard of anyone saying it me. It's just as easy to say kind words than rude ones but for some reason people find it easier to be rude. As for the crazies (had to laugh when I read that) I think we all have at least one. I think it's become a prerequisite to being normal...lol

I suppose if it wasn't for those rude and gossipy and inconsiderate people in our lives we won't know who the good ones are. Personally I find it helpful to see them on my mental list and cross them off as negative time wasters.That does help somewhat. I think the trick is to be strong and confident in who you are and if anyone doesn't like it, they can eat your dust..as the saying goes. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Life is to short to let anyone ruin any part of it.

All the best to you and your family...Stingray

Posted 12/22/2011 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Well said RetiredMom, Maggie and Stingray.

We have no contact with the family that was toxic, and now have no contact with the rest of the family because of it. They were not understanding and chose to believe one side rather than stay out of the whole thing. That is part of the issue. The family has been telling our neighbors and friends lots of stuff that I politely refuse to hear repeated. Its annoying and childish, and I am struggling to let that go. They are just reinforcing the reasons we have no contact.

Shaking the dust from my feet as we move on and they stay put sounds good to me!

Thank you all for the advice and help.

Happy Holidays too!
Mindy
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply