Disgusted with CP and life right now

If I didn't have this stupid pain, my family wouldn't be suffering right now. My husband is planning on taking a job, the first one since he lost his job almost weeks ago, simply because its a paycheck. It won't cover the household bills, and that's with no debt. We need a new car, a new roof, and I can't do a thing to help him money-wise. My degree in medical transcription is great, if I can work full time, which is not possible with the pain. Heck, if I could work full time, I would have been working by now. I dont get SSDI. I am no help to my family at this point, and am more of a burden than anything. The diet I need to be on costs more than I am willing to pay. I can't watch my family go without so that I have a special diet.

We just won the fight for insurance, and then he lost his job. Now I will have to go through all of that over again, proving that the new insurance doesn't cover my meds, the number of visits I have a year, and will make it impossible to pay bills if we use it.

I am just so disgusted with myself right now. I need to be helping my husband, not laying around doing nothing but praying for circumstances to change. I can't imagine how he is feeling right now, if I feel this much pressure to help him.

No sooner do things look up and we get a little ahead, that something comes and pushes it all back down, taking our savings, taking our dreams and flushing them. Thank God we have our home, or I don't know what we would do.

I just wish I could do more than pray. I can't find the job from home I need right now, so I feel useless. Silly way to feel, but my family means more than anything to me, and I just feel like more of a burden than an asset.

I just don't know how to get out of this rut, out of the hole. We are lucky to be out of debt, without a huge mortgage or rent over our heads. I will focus on that for now.

Sorry for the vent. Just didn't know where else to go.

A couple years ago, my dad was layed up for 6 months with a pinched cyatic nerve. He couldnt work, lost his job, and i had to take everything i could get my hands on to make money. It was hard and stressful, but my dad always kept a positive attitude. Even in as much pain as he was in, he would try and make me laugh. One time i got home from a double, and he had hobbled his way down the hall to the kitchen, then leaned against a chair so he could pass me a beer when i came in. He looked so cute, that i couldnt help but laugh, and he smiled.

I dont know what your going though, but i know what its like on the other side. I never blamed or got frustrated with my dad, because he always tried to be positive and his pain wasnt his fault. It took some time, but things worked out. There were some stressful times, but stress is always there, one way or another. I guess the best advice i could give, is just stay positive, and things will work out. People love you, pain is pain. Do what you can to make people smile. Even in pain you can still be a good foundation for the people you love. Make that your job for the time being, and you will see, everything will turn out ok :) Your not alone!

Good luck, and stay strong

Jarad

Hey Mindy,

I can feel how overwhelmed you are.... and when you add anxiety to that mix... it just sucks.

I can write down all my thoughts - about how you have so much worth... you DO have a job by being a wife and mother.... you are much more than just your health issues and so forth - but I hope you already know all those things.

I'll just second what Stray said.... when one door closes, another one opens... although, in the moment, I know sometimes we wonder if that next door IS going to open! But, I know you know that God always provides. We've literally been hanging on the edge so many times that I can't even count - be it financially, health-wise, issues w/ the kids and so forth. And - every time - God has provided.

Re: people "talking".... there will always be people talking... my husband's family hates me to death, lol.... 18 years later - I can now laugh at it because I see the irony of it all (they all have massive problems - co-dependency; drug addiction; on down the list)... but for many years, it about killed me because I took it to heart. I remember a therapist once saying to me.... "Tina, what if they never like you? Can't you just accept that?"... I'm like "NO!", lol. Well, now I accept it!!

It's usually the people talking that have the most problems, right? At least, those are my experiences.

Anyway, hang in there... take care of yourself physically and mentally... and I know you'll make it through all of this. --Tina

Tina and Michael, you are right in so many ways. I am stuck in the moment and my anxiety is getting the better of me. My poor husband gets to listen to me cry.

Michael, i posted that we repaired the leak, and that God provided the money for the new roof. Now with the car, things are going to be dicey. We really need a new roof, but we also really need a car that runs.

We are getting help with food stamps, but I feel so guilty about that. I hate going to the store and getting ugly looks, like we have done something wrong for needing help. People around us just don't understand what it is like to be in need a lot of the time. We are the trailer park stuck in an affluent area, and it just makes me so down to know that I am not out there working to make our life better.

I have to remember that a mom that has the energy to make dinner, organize, and love her family is more important than a mom who comes home too tired to do anything, and only makes a paycheck. The boys and my husband need me more than they need lots of money.

Need to find a way to stop the anxiety from overwhelming me. I am so tired.

Thank you for the help. And Tina, you are right. The person who does the talking has a lot of problems, and is never happy with anything.

Monty's Mom,

Glad to know that you are holding up. As for working from home, have you thought about doing something from home? It was not pain related, but when my friend had her daughter and couldnt go to work, she started selling Usauna products for a little bit of extra money. Thats just an example, but maybe someone knows something like that that you can do from home which could make you feel like you are contributing financtually. I don't know, but im sure that there is a at home project that you could work on and develop. Everyone uses things like natural products, makeup, and other independent sales items. You said you were in an affluent area, so people would be willing to come to your home, and in the process if you were to find something that worked for you, you would be a prime example of the benefits of something you were working on.

Keep up the good fight!