OT: Male vs Female in CP

Hi, no blame for saying how you feel, this is just my opinion, but females are more likely to open up and say they hurt then men are, I think the thoughts are that men are supposed to be so strong and women well we give birth, we know pain,lol.

But truthfully I do think it has to do with how society tells us both male and female thats the way its supposed to be and that is crazy.

Again, just my thoughts on the whole male female thing.

Kathy

Just some lyrics that help express how I feel around my kids:

I feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely,
Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining,
But life keeps on complicating, an' I'm debating,
On leaving this world, this evening, even my girls,
Can see I'm grievin', I try and hide it,
But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty,
When inside, I'm dying, I am finally realizing I need help.
I can't do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I've been having ups and downs,
Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying,

I bet if you could poll the lurkers/guests viewing your ratio would tip the other way. I also see more male in some of the other forums supporting the theory that men claim pain less then women do.

Vickie

…this is one of the first things I noticed when I first joined this forum and often struck me as a bit odd. However knowing that this forum is one of the best on the internet and open to all in need….it really is a non issue for me. We have, and have had several men on this forum, and two of us are serving as moderators.

SE

LOL Vickie….I'm not going to get swindled into a conversation of gender differences!

I have no idea why there are way more male posters, but again it is a non issue with me, and the forum is clearly open to all here. What I can tell you,... is that I have found a wealth of information and support from this forum, and I'm extremely grateful for both!

There are a few men that used to post here, and we do miss them greatly.

OK!…was that a safe answer!

Really I just don't know Vickie…..and I'm having enough trouble trying to put all of this into words.

Another thing that is evident is to look back and see the membership turn over rate... regardless of gender. You can go back a mere two years or less,…. and many of those members have quit posting.

Again we have member after member telling us that this is the best chronic pain support forum on the net. I have looked around, and I tend to agree. However!…there are a few forums out there that are subject specific and I think they offer a wealth of information for patients looking for information condensed to the subject they are looking for.

OK!….now how did I get off track here!

Take care, and have a great day….if we can.

SE

I'm a 25 year old male who has come down with terrible facial neuralgia pain, everything I've read says it mostly affects people who are older and women. So I'm doubly unlucky!

However, I do think as others say, that the numbers are skewed because women are generally more likely to want to get on a forum and talk to others about their condition.

I try. It's good to express yourself and have outlets to relieve pain. It may be little but its better than nothing.

BTW I lurk alot here. Just because I don't post much does not mean I dont know whats going on. I read a lot. Just the way I am.

With what I am dealing with, both with serious cancer and serious chronic pain issues, the "macho" thing, if it ever existed, went out the window a long time ago.

On the Prostate Cancer group, as expected, its mostly men, but over the past couple of years, I would estimate that 20% of our posters are women - mostly wives, daugthers, girlfriends, etc - that post on behalf of their men folk. Many of the women have become very educated in prostate cancer, its treatments, and its side effects.

Here at CP, I believe there are plenty of men that aren't here, because of the "macho" card thinking. As a man, I can say, it's their loss. No prize for being tough, or pretending you aren't hurting when you are.

We have many men in the other group, that go through major surgery, and brag about how they never took any of the pain meds post surgery. Between you and I, I believe many of them are lying for ego sakes to look tough.

We all know, then when it comes to healing post surgery, refusal to take or use pain meds, often retards one's recovery. It's a self defeating move in my opinion.

For those of us dealing with severe chronic pain, doesn't matter if we are male, female or neutral, lol, pain is pain. Many of the men I referenced from the other group have never, ever dealt with long term deep and serious pain, so its easy to talk tough, because they are not living our nightmare pain worlds.

As for myself, I don't mind being one of the few roosters in the hen house, kind of like hens, lol.

david in sc

LC, I agree with you to some extent but also after many years working trauma and Ortho/Neuro I took a different view of this matter.

I cam,some to the point sometime in my career that it was not so much male/female issue as it was genetic and cultural differences that plays a part in how each of perceive pain and to what extents.

I have seen some contsruction workers get hurt and not come into the E/R until after they have finished the day and having worked the entire shift maybe with a broken arm,then others who have been half carried in by their co-workers with only a sprain? How does this happen? How can some work 6-7 hours in what should be excruciating pain only to stroll in after the fact and others work not a minute more after injurying themselves?

Women in child birth? Why do some have numerous babies with not even an aspirin and others are begging for epi's at 4 cms? The same with PMS,why do some women carry on and not even need anything and others are bedridden with cramps?

I believe pain receptors in the brain are like one of those mysteries of the human body that varies from one person to the other I think some folks are more receptive and some peoples receptors are more fragile and maybe even have more altogether.

Migraines are another example, some folks are totally debilitated while others carry on.

I also think that cultural and family influence play a part in how we each react to pain, for example, those who were taught or raised in families that believe pain is only as bad as you see it do better with their pain then those who were not taught how think that way. I dont think it so much that your a boy suck it up. Women fare well in natural child birth.

Many Native American tribes used only a traditional medicine man for healing all issues, how did that work? It did and it must have had something to do with how you percieved the pain.

People who can use meditation and yoga can certainly vouch for the fact that it helps,it even works good for those who are dedicated and enduring to learn

Ive never been much of a believer in accupuncture other then the issue of a poke here takes your mind to that pain and away from the one that brought you there.

I will show you an example here that relates, my little brother was a car-sick kid,we couldnt go anywhere more then 25 miles that he didnt get sick and violently. We went on vacation when I was 10 and he was 6,from Ky to the Smokey Mountains and down into the Carolina's and he kept us off course the whole way,stopping for him to be ill,nothing worked,none of the car sick meds.

We are now on reservation land finally and we stop again for him and to get the rest of us a snack at a little country like store in the mountains and Moms telling the guy behind the counter about how miserable my brother has been the entire way and he goes and gets this really old or it seemed to a 10 yr old and ancient woman and she approaches my brother and gives him something and tells him he has to hold it in his hand the whole time we are driving and not to let go no matter what!! To just watch it and hold tight and he wont get sick anymore.

We get in the car and here he is squeezing the bejesus out of a potato,an ordinary plain potato,not cooked,peeled,nothing but a potato We drive and drive and lo and behold he never had to stop the entire rest of the 245 miles we had to go that day or any of the rest of the trip.

Did the potato have any healing powers? None that I could think of and Ive thought about that alot thru the years. What it did do was give him something other then getting sick to think about. He had a diversion,a job,hold on and whatever you do dont let go!! Mind over matter.

Our minds have a unique design that allows us to be able to remove ourselves and out thoughts from bad and hurtful things,horrors you might say,think of abuducted kids,kids that were molested when small and dont recall until adulthood or something sets them off to release the memory.

This is how I think many folks can deal with pain better or not really better but calmer,more removed and if you remember my post describing a 10 on the pain scale I said that the 10s Ive seen are all so "no one home" kind of look on their face and in their eyes. They are calm and almost comatose to a point,they respond to you but almost like its a reflex and not a conscious reply.

This is my thoughts on this issue and we have different ways we learn to deal but think about how often when your hurting you do things to take your mind off the pain, some people read,do puzzles,we come here,some people go to work no mater how bad they hurt,it helps to keep your mind busy so you dont dwell on the pain and why yoga and meditation work. Why focus points and breathing helps in child birth.

Vickie