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Difficulty balancing home life and work...

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Chronic Pain
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Posted 4/6/2013 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
Does anyone have any tips? I have two small children, and work full-time. I come home from work, and my pain level is high, but I can't not spend time with my little ones. I do have pillows on the floor, and a heating pad, and ice to lay on. I use my tens unit. My husband lets me rest as much as I want, but I don't feel like I can just come home and not spend time with them.
Posted 4/6/2013 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
Flower,

I'm own my way out... so will write more later.... but I guess the biggest thing that comes to mind is this -- you work full time in a job where you are on your feet, etc -- that's huge w/ the pain issues you have. Add in two small little ones.... your plate is over flowing. All you can do is do the best you can.

Does your pain levels go down over the weekend? I would just make sure you plan special things to do on the weekends.. doesn't have to be anything major -- go to the park and watch them play.... have a picnic together... that kind of thing.

Sorry to cut short - but I gotta get going. Hugs... hopefully others will have more thoughts.... Love, Tina
Posted 4/7/2013 4:47 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Flower,

Thought I would finish up my thoughts from earlier, lol.... because I thought of one thing I wanted add.

My oldest turns 18 in a couple of weeks (my 2nd oldest turns 17 - they are 12 months apart)..... the BEST piece of advice that I could give any mom w/ young children.... is to let go of the "mommy guilt" and just do the best you can! I *worried* about so many things when the kids were younger -- and this was before the bulk of my health/pain issues.

If you need to rest most nights during the week - do that! Just try to have some special time with them before they go to bed - reading a book, doing a puzzle, etc. On some nights - you might feel ok and you do get to spend the evening w/ them. On the bad nights - you might just be able to spend 30 minutes. Just do what you can. Like I said - make the weekends and other off-work time special.

You are a good mom, Flower.... and the kids will be just fine.... Just relax and do the best you can.

Love, Tina
Posted 4/7/2013 9:10 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, Tina, thanks:) I'm sitting here crying (and I don't cry usually). Your words meant so much to me. You're right. Since I've gone back to work, I've been playing with the kids all night because I can't let go of the guilt. Then yesterday I went nonstop, taking care of them, and doing way too much.

I think it's a great idea to plan something for Saturday (and we've church on Sunday). Hubby and I will start doing that.

My back just gets so bad, and my legs--UGH...they haven't felt like this in I don't know how long. They get to the point where I can hardly walk on them. It's like they're useless.

Anyway, Tina, thank you again so much for the encouragement. You're absolutely right about resting.
Posted 4/7/2013 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with the above - you need to stop feeling guilty as that will only exacerbate emotional issues which in turn can make things worse. I think everyone on here has an idea what it's like to get home from struggling through a day at work, being exhausted and in agony and knowing you've got to deal with family life and food, etc. Work isn't the day over with, it's just the end of one set of challenges and the start of the next lot.

The very fact that you feel this way shows you're conscientious and a good parent. There are a lot of parents who would just let themselves crack and scream at the kids to leave them alone. I think you should be proud of yourself as you naturally care more rather than putting yourself first. Also remember that kids are way more accepting than adults and often more capable of understanding than adults who are restricted in their thought patterns. Whilst neglect will have an effect, you can still interact with them without moving about all over the place and if you're playing a game with them, you can ask them to do whatever-it-might-be for you rather than leaning backwards and forwards all over the place. They'll just get on with it without judging you.

Perhaps it's time for a medication change or examining if your TENS unit is positioned / set up optimally? There are lots of different settings on those things and I was with one for ages which didn't provide the settings I needed. What I have now is a lot better and when the pain is breaking through I can just twiddle a knob or two and it changes the settings just enough for it to be effective again. Remember there are two ways of them working - the first is high frequency "block the nerve" and the second is much lower frequency but higher outputs that make muscles twitch very slightly which apparently releases endorphins. Whilst the first setting is more instantaneous, the second takes about 40 mins to work but lasts longer. If you can set a dual channel machine up so one set is the first and one set is the second setting, you can get the best of both worlds.
Posted 4/7/2013 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Flower you have been given some great advice already. I'll just like Tina that you have to make way for your new "normal" and adjust how you spend time with your children.

When I was in bed I planned for things I could do with my children right there. It actually became our special time and carried on in their teenage years. When they got older they would come in at various times to just talk with me and share their problems and joys.

Now that they are grown they still do it and now I'm carrying on with my grandchildren. Getting rid of the guilt is the most important thing.

I also tried to find things I could do in bed that would help out with household chores. One thing I could do was fold clothes. It wasn't much but made me feel so much better about myself!!

Give yourself a break and also a big hug because you are doing a fantastic job!!
Posted 4/8/2013 7:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Flower....

I'm glad my words helped in even a small way.

I think your plans sounds great... planning some outings for Saturday.... you guys have church on Sunday... and doing the best you can during the week.

I'm sorry your pain levels are so high.... do you think the leg thing is from being on your feet.... and just the back issues you have? Do your meds help you at all?

My back pain now radiates down one of my legs - and it drives me crazy at times....

Hugs, hon... take care and keep posting! --Tina
Posted 4/9/2013 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi flower, like Tina said the 1st step is letting go of the guilt. I raised 1 and finished raising 4 others with CP and every one of them are in the business of taking care of or advocating better healthcare. They are caring an compassionate kids. I couldn't have asked for anymore.

You would be surprised at how you can find ways of incorporating time with them that actually helps you. We had a y membership and the heated pool was great for me an they loved it.

We had contests to see who was the BEST massage therapist. We drew papers with chores to getem done together. Even a toddler can take clean clothes to each bedroom saving me much needed steps.A 5 yr old can vacuum.

We had lots of indoors picnics where they made the sandwiches and I ooh an aww over whose the best cook. We sat all piled in my bed having homework marathons and we had a tent we erected over my recliner in the den and ate popcorn and told ghost stories in the dark and had a campout night me sleeping in the recliner an them all curled sleeping around me in their little cartoon sleeping bags.

Imagination :the key.
They really care more about spending time with you not where you are or what your doing.
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