Better, But Not Well

Things have been worse than they are now. about a year ago, I could barely get out of bed and was in constant burning, stinging, and stabbing pain. I seriously considered suicide more than once. Doctors were baffled and flippant. I was frustrated and inconsolable. And then I lost my state insurance.

When I finally got it back four months later, I circumvented regular doctors and made an appointment at a pain clinic. I was lucky enough to get a physical therapist with a focus in pelvic pain, my pain. I had already been doing yoga and breathing exercises, but the trigger point massage really started to help things along. I can even ride a bike sometimes(still with pain, but its possible at least), and I've been able to participate in some of the activities at the communal garden in my neighborhood. Its all been really great.

But sometimes it's not so great, because I still have a boatload of limitations. Weeding or lifting a shovel can still land me in bed for a few days if I'm not careful enough with my knees, which are terribly weak and delicate from being in bed so long. Same with biking. Even walking can irritate the trigger points on my inner left thigh and my overactive hamstring, which set off that familliar pelvic pain. And sex is still a craps shoot, despite the best efforts of a caring, thoughtful spouse.

I am so incredibly grateful not to be in constant pelvic pain anymore. But at the same time, my life is still ruled by pain. If I forget for a minute about how weak my body is, I'm liable to overdo it and end up back in bed again. My efforts to slowly include more rigorous physical activity have all failed so far. Between the pelvic pain, knee pain, trigger points, and hyperactive left hamstring, I feel like I'm taking 1 step forward and 1 back over and over.

I can keep it together pretty well these days, but sometimes the looming uncertainty and lack of further progress are too much to bear. I'm used to being an independent, phsyically strong woman, and it really scares me to be so weak. I desperately miss the healthy person I used to be, and I cant seem to figure out how to get back to her.

Anybody been here before? Anyone know how to get out of the cycle?

Help?

Thanks for your input :) Does anyone have any concrete advice on how to get out of the exercise/bedridden cycle, and get back to physical fitness?