I saw my therapist last week for an exit visit to discharge me so I can transfer, bit by bit, to NH providers. Her specialty is not CP or anything related. I am generally a very happy, a little hyper, but pretty chipper person so I felt proud of this appointment, to "report back" and share that I've scheduled appointments with my hip surgeon (because that isn't resolved, even 8 weeks post op, my implant is slipping from the socket, and Friday, fiiiiinally, the PT felt it too and confirmed what I've been explaining to my surgeon).
I walked in happy, with my little mental list of professionals I arranged, and how thorough I was, how attentive I've been, how I'm taking care of myself, and taking care of details. I mentioned following up on Disability (which I procrastinated on out of embarrassment).
She asked me how I felt disabled. I hobble in after two major surgeries, the last one 8 weeks ago with complications, and my right thigh is 3" larger than left one with swelling, with drop foot on the left, braced, trying not to topple and trip. I have a tough time walking up her stairs,...and that she's asking me means, still, she either doesn't believe me, doesn't understand, or worse, is dismissive of what I'm telling her.
I explained how I "cannot sit" to which she motioned to me in the chair, that obviously I "can" sit.... she asked me about my narcotic pain med use, and expressed concern over my still being on pain meds. Hubby's been so supportive, and all he's asked of me is to please file my Disability claim (it's filled out now and in an envelope, stamp, sealed, ready for mail)....he supports our whole family on his income.
After therapy, (which she did discharge me, btw),...but I left with a bad taste. She told me she could see how I was beaming and happy about our move to our new house. Yet walking out the door I'm now back to ruminating about how I'm perceived.
It "should" (I hate that word) be more important I validate myself and that I've got the love and support of my family, but especially being between places, me still living in MA and going to NH on weekends until I finish my appointments, I don't feel like our new house is "my home" yet....
This further alienates me. Not contributing. She doesn't get it. If my therapist doesn't get it, then who does? My hip surgeon thinks this swelling and popping I've expressed to him isn't of concern, and he rather brushed me off. He put up with maaaaaany visits when I got two infections and an allergic reaction, and I know he is just frustrated with this situation. He told both of us so.
I see him on Tuesday and now he'll have the PT's report which confirms what I've been "trying" to tell him, that he isn't listening....or dismissing me, it feels like.
I don't want to be dismissed. I want to be taken seriously. I'm working very hard but I think that because I'm a happy person, people don't believe that I'm in pain unless I'm actually in the hospital or in rehab after surgery. I'm not a depressed person, but this situation is depressing.
Thanks for letting me vent....
Sookie
Post Edited (Sookie Snows) : 8/25/2013 5:02:18 PM (GMT-6)