So depressed

(Hugs) Sherrie there's probably not one of us that hasn't felt what your feeling at one time or another in this journey. There's also probably not a spouse who hasn't taken their frustration of our situation out on us. They often times fear our illnesses more then we do. Yes it's worse when things are tight and they're carrying the weight of survival alone.

Changing your actual attitude towards getting up and going to work is the key. It's a way of not just getting a paycheck, its a treatment modality as well. Staying active as long as possible has its purpose. It prevents weight gain from lying immobilized all day, its healthier to be up and working keeps your mind occupied versus sitting around dwelling on all the wrongs in your life. Being productive in your relationship and overall financial security adds a boost to your self esteem.

Many reasons to get up and get out as long as you possibly can. All exercise is motivating, just the getting dressed, walking to the car, whatever it is you do at work, your getting exercise. It aids in your depression and anxiety helping you to feel better about your self. It increases metabolism and that's important to healthy living and how your meds work.

The swelling may be nothing more then opiate use and immobility, very common. Lyrica as well can have the same issues.

How long since you've had your thyroid levels checked? Are you under the care of a psych Dr or therapist? If so is your husband receptive to attending a session with you? If not seeing one why not?

There may be many factors at play but if your overall health really wont allow you to work and your Drs agree then maybe its time to consider applying for disability. Its vital that all your Drs are in agreement and back you up on that otherwise your chances are fairly slim.

Your never worthless, we all have value sometimes it just gets blurry finding it.

This too will pass but help from within yourself can clear the air faster so you can see that value again.

Dear Sherry; I'm kind of new here myself and haven't posted much. I can relate to how you feel about yourself. Actually, we have to use mind control to keep our minds on the straight and narrow and not let ourselves fall into the black pit of negativity. That's the basic premise of Christianity, the war between positive and holy and negative and unholy. All of life is based on those two conditions if you think about it. So we have two choices, think positive or think negative. I used to live in the negative on a daily basis until I realized I was going around and around in a merry go round of misery that would never stop. I had to learn to control my thinking or I wouldn't even be here right now. It even says in the Bible to focus on the good, live righteous, and realize we do have an enemy and he's tearing at his every day trying to destroy us. My purpose in writing is not to be focusing on religion, but instead focusing on faith in yourself. It all comes down to that. Re-read your post. All of it is how bad you talk to yourself about yourself. Alot is based on how you see yourself through your husband's eyes. Perhaps he's too strong an influence. What really matters is how you love yourself and care for yourself. If you want, we could write here and help each other deal with all the negatives by the power of mutual support. Friendship goes a real long way in making a positive attitude stronger. Stop and listen to yourself. What are you really saying? We can't walk around hating our own selves. Think of what that type of thinking has done to help you...nothing. It's a bottomless black pit of self pity. Draw yourself up out of it and stand on the edge of it in the light. Stay in the light and refuse to fall back in the hole, no matter what. We've both lived there too long. stronglady

Sherrie,

White Beard wisely posted the following:

" When your not feeling well it is often hard to pull yourself out of depression, and having a spouse yelling at you or putting you down doesn't help matters any either! Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk with? You can always vent here, but it helps if you can have a one on one talk with a therapist or counselor to share your feeling with and get good professional guidance."

I couldn't agree with him any more. Very good advice. While venting here is good, and welcomed, and well understood here (we all do it when needed), you need more help than you can get by just trying to tough it out. With your multiple issues, its important that you can see someone you can trust, and open up with, and start sorting out each problem.

Some people, by nature, throw the baby out with the bath water. Meaning, they throw all their problems into one pile, and then become hopeless and overcome by the entirety of their problems. Once thing that helps me, and has over all I have dealt with, is to compartmentalize my problems.

I keep each problem in my life, whether it be a financial matter, emotional issue, physical issue, medical issue, in a separate box. If there is something I can positive about a particular "box", I take that problem out and work on it. If I can't, I leave it there, and move on to the next "box". Hope you can
see my analogy.

I worked for a tough and harsh boss at one point in my life, and even though I was in a very senior management position (CFO), he had a strict policy. Don't ever come into my office with a problem, unless you have at least 2 solutions for the problem you want to tell me about. His policy helped me learn to work on problems in general in a more productive way.

Based on your post, most of your issues are all fixable, but again, treat each one on its own merits. And while I am not sure of your resources, etc, there should be a way to find some kind of professional help, to help you work through the tough parts that you are having trouble with on your own. If money is the issue, some therapists will work for free, or on a sliding scale based on income.

There's always help out there, so never, ever give up hope. And of course, all of us here at HW CP are more than willing to help encourage and support you.

David

Thanks everyone for the responses. I have had my thyroid checked recently. Actually several times and the doctors said it was ok. I had my iron checked as well and it was ok. I was doing really good. I was on a steroid dose pack. I literally cleaned mine and my husband's space from top to bottom. It took four days from the time I got up til like 10 pm for four days. I got 14 kitchen garbage bags of stuff to donate as well as trash. I went through every drawer I mean even the file cabinet. But then the dose pack wore off and it was back to feeling like crap.

I do see a therapist. What is even worse is that I am actually going to school to be a counselor myself. I am even almost done. So I over analyze myself. I just do not get to see her enough. I cannot drive right now because of my legs being numb. The only week day my husband is off is Wednesday. So all mine and my mom's appt have to be on Wed. We both see tons of Dr.s and both have counselors. It is very difficult to fit everything in.