any thoughts on how others may treat our pain as we age??

This is something that greatly concerns me. You would think that when someone was in a nursing home and elderly, they wouldn't be allowed to suffer. But, from what I've seen where I live, it doesn't matter. The concern over law suits seems to be the main thing. Even if a person has shown that pain meds don't put them in situations where they might fall.

tidalmouse, yes that's very scary also. You have to use the NF drs. And what your dr before you entered the NF prescribed for you is not the same thing the NF dr may rx, especially if the meds are pain meds and psy meds.

This is one of the scariest thoughts to cross my mind. When I think of the trouble so many of us have here and now, it's sad to think things will only get worse as we need even more help.

I look at how my MIL gets dismissed and not treated fully, she gets pre-judged,....she has several serious health conditions, and every time she needs to go to the doctors, she needs to have a wheelchair van pick her up and bring her back, and it's often over $100 each time for a 12 mile drive.

I understand that's not the doctor's problem, but it saddens me they don't give it consideration. Because of her very limited insurance, she doesn't qualify for some of the basics some of us are accustomed to. She often likes me to go with her because she knows I won't take any malarkey and I'll ask the doctors questions she's too afraid to ask.

She's afraid to mention things precisely because she's afraid she'll be put into a nursing home. She's home-bound now, but she was taking care of both of her elderly parents in her home, and when she lost her Dad, her Mother went downhill...and she couldn't do home-care anymore. But my MIL visited her constantly in the nursing home and was outraged at how she was treated. Again, she "caught" and had to "fight" for things that were basic common sense.

I'm afraid of aging. I'm afraid of that point in my life. As my PMD said on Friday, for my age, I've got more things going on than most of her clients in their 70's. That scares me. I see that primary concern over minimal care, minimal medication, no regard for patient quality of life or maintaining comfort, and honestly, I am terrified of it.

I wish I could be some kind of advocate to help people get proper care....but who am I? Just a random person. And with my own concerns of making waves.... sometimes just a ripple can be perceived as a typhoon and then what little patient care existed can be severely cut.

Oh yes,...I think of this often.



M.

Amen Mercy & Grace
Very sad but true

Merrida
Thank you for caring about / for your M I L !!
My parents did the same for their elders.. out of love & respect I believe.

Like your M I L there were Several 'older' Family members would make a drop-in visit to check on my parents - driving an hour each way.

My only sibling & spouse never drove 10 minutes to visit, despite the verbal promises made when my parents first entered NF.

they did not attend visitations or funerals of either..- they told me 'no gas money' to drive the 5 miles to the cemetery..
Won't even go into who spent years paying for the funerals.. sorry, I am still quiet P O.

I know I am not unique in showing my love by caring... not bragging, just remembering some things I did & scared noone cares enough to do the same for me.

I live(d) over 6 hr away from parents & sibling.. & worked lotsa hours, am single mom, etc etc.
Not to make excuses for my own shortcomings. Because I did not make the trip very often - only 4-5 times a year.

But I Called the NF frequently & asked questions, sent greeting cards & photos to parents..
I knew their caregivers by name & they knew me by voice when I called.

And those other relatives let me know if they saw anything they felt wasn't right.. I followed up by phone.. brought in legal advocate & hospice as soon as I could to have more eyes on them.

I cared & did what I thought was best. Do I think my relatives will do any of that ? No I do not. And I know noone that I can trust to be my medical power of attorney which is really on my mind currently

LexiRae, that's s good idea. But, NF's aren't always honest with family members, I fear they would be less honest with someone who isn't family. Family can sue if negligence leads to the persons death and it can be proved. A friend wouldn't be able to be that involved, ie legal expenses, etc.

I have a friend, who's Mom was in a NF. No one bothered to call the family and tell them when the lady stopped eating. A family member discovered it when they went by to visit.

LexiRae, sorry for misunderstanding, I apologize.

Good question and everyone has very valid concerns. I spent 30 years working in Nursing facilities and my original injury that set me on this CP journey occurred in the NF. This was my part-time job but I spent as much time there as my regular Ortho /Neuro position!

I started working through times when LPNs were grandfathered in not graduated, nurses aids came from no education and usually criminal backgrounds being paid minimum wages. Moved through the era of nursing shortages and the states requiring background checks and classes for certification for aides yet the care for our elderly rarely changed. Out of those 30 years I gained more insight into the treatment of a entire cultures elderly then I cared to.

Im going to share what I learned here in the hopes that I can help.

It's true that the facility uses their own Dr and not your personal one, generally there are several on staff, some are better then others. Check into them before you have to place someone, make your kids and relatives aware that a choice does exist and talk to other residents family's, meal time's is a good time to find more in the home. Talk to the Aides! These are the ppl that are out there day in and day out interacting with patients and family's. They're the 1st go to that hears complaints!!

In a NF the Dr upon admission has 48 hrs give or take to do intake assessment, every NF Dr uses "standard admission orders " until he gets there to see that patient! It's vitally important that all of your medication go with you as well as your medical record!! Everyone should keep a current copy at home with everything in it and a family member needs to make sure it gets to the NF. The only paper that transfers from a hospital admission is your discharge summary!! That's all, what was being done during your hospital stay. Any other medical records may or may not get there. Chances are if they do no one but medical records will ever see them until they're given to the coroner.

Make absolutely sure you have a "living will " do not sign a DNR unless you completely understand its meaning in a NF environment!! The best thing is to have a Health care surrogate with explicit and detailed instructions on what you want. Ex: DNR with feeding tube, otherwise your likely to die of thirst if you lose the ability to swallow! Also, be adamant and clear concerning palliative care and medication. A Attorney can help with this and they're not expensive. The internet has some that can be printed off but it's imperative that its notarized and a copy with your PCP, hospital, several family members and yourself with the sticker placed on the back of your license stating you have one.

It's a sad but true fact that NF residents that have someone that visits daily or regularly get better care 1st. When the aide has 10-12 patients a day to care for and Mrs Xs family comes at lunch and Mr K's doesn't then Mrs x will get cleaned up and dressed 1st.

Being firm with staff about your expectations of care for your family member is a must but being hateful and abusive to staff will only fall back on the patient. They work hard with little reward, usually under extreme conditions and most do a good job, let them know!

That's the biggest points and best advice I can give. The other thing is to know that many things will fall to the family to provide to make the stay the best it can be. Not a lot of money in the budget for good personal hygiene products, depends, shoes, etc. Those things and any extras such as soda or a particular food will have to be provided.

Hope this helps some.

Good point Diane! If it's a situation where hospice can be involved get them involved! They have their own Drs that prescribe for NF and dont leave pain meds up to prn and nursing discretion! Make sure the Dr orders pain meds scheduled otherwise a patient has to request it and majority cannot. You will find some nurse's who use common sense and give it based on observations, doesn't do much good for the night nurse to do that and day and evening doesn't?