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I am no longer going to feel guilty!!!

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Posted 6/4/2014 9:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

Epiphany

I am no longer going to feel guilty if:

I do not want to make dinner very much.
I do not want to make preparations for Holiday dinners and events.
I do not want to have people over for dinner, dessert is fine.
I do not want to be the go-to person who does mostly everything and arranges mostly everything, otherwise nothing really gets done.
I do not want to travel on long trips. Sorry to disappoint you.
I do not want to pretend that everything is fine.

I want all the grown up people in my family to do the grown up things they are supposed to do and not come to me to handle them. I have taken on too much, but it is over.

I deserve the right to take care of myself FIRST now, because I have been taking care of everything and everyone else for years and years and years.


I COME FIRST NOW. NOW I TAKE CARE OF ME.

Anyone every feel like this???

Lumiere
Posted 6/4/2014 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
As much as it hurts me sometimes if I stopped running this ship, it would sink! My needs and wants will not be first.

However grown ups doing grown up things like they are suppose to....YUP!

Hope it falls in place for you!!
Posted 6/4/2014 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
What a wonderful epiphany for you! Congratulations! Hope every one grows up and acts like adults while you take care of yourself. Best wishes.
Posted 6/5/2014 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
The only thing I ask my wife to do around here is to pick up after herself and do the dishes everyday, I do the cooking. I used to feel guilty about not cooking supper because the dishes were dirty and would sometimes fight through the pain to do them before cooking supper, Now I just say "****K IT" and go on. Been some nights supper does not get cooked except for my son but oh well.
Posted 6/5/2014 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
That's great!! happy that you feel this way.

I used to always get myself in to such a frazzle still trying to do everything then get so upset and worn out even more. Oh boy, the pretending everything is fine...that alone takes up so much energy.

There are certain things that I have to do as I'm the only one who will do it but the things on your list....right on!!
Posted 6/5/2014 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all. Wonderful support! And I am not cooking tonight either. So there!

Lumiere
Posted 6/5/2014 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
I don't try to do everything anymore either. When I came home last summer in wheelchair with little use of my arms, it hurt like all-get-out (mentally) not to jump up and feed everyone. It was a hard decision to let myself be waited on.

I had 2 sons and families living in the house to help, another just across the field, and it made them all feel better to do the work for a few weeks. They were all pleased when I started being able to use the walker and later just a cane. I think they took credit, and rightly so, for my recovery.

Now when I get visits I step back and let anyone help. I don't get so tired and am a much more pleasant person.
Posted 6/9/2014 7:17 AM (GMT 0)
That's one of the biggest and probably the most challenging things. The more you read the stories of our members, you'll see a few common threads, and one of them is that we tend to be better care givers, and we often put ourselves second.

I still do on occasion, (For me I've decided to pick and choose my battles carefully),....but I say good for you for drawing the line in the sand. It really IS okay for us to say NO, and it's okay to accept help....and the more we take care of ourselves first, the stronger we get, and to go back to the origin here, the more help we can safely offer others,...when we take care of ourselves FIRST!

Bravo! Your body will thank you.




M.
Posted 6/9/2014 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
When I finally totally accepted my limitations.When I came to the realization that what other people think of me doesn't matter.

It was a very liberating feeling.

Take care of yourself,

Rick
Posted 6/9/2014 7:46 PM (GMT 0)

lumiere said...
Thank you all. Wonderful support! And I am not cooking tonight either. So there!

Lumiere

LOL!

Everyone will survive if we don't do everything, if they are hungry, well, they know where the kitchen is :) and bring me some tea while you're there, I''ll be the one relaxing in my chair :)
Posted 6/10/2014 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Glad that you are able to let go of the feelings of guilt ! I try..

Hope you have better luck having the grownups in your family act their age..

I've lowered, greatly, my expectations re:that..
Posted 6/10/2014 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
YES!!! AT one of the worst points in my life I hired a home aide to make dinner for my kids and clean the house. I was on a lot of medication, in pain, and frequently dropped food while cooking. My family did not understand at first, but I told them, unless they were going to help they could shut up.
Posted 6/11/2014 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
AMEN! I think that part of being a survivor is trying to do it all. One of the hardest things is deciding that you do not need to do it all. I have learned that trying to be super women is the way to become super sore and non-functional. I have learned to ask for help and delagate.....that feels good.
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